Been together for years. randomly broke up with me. is he for real?

so, i met this guy 10 years ago. immediate chemistry but we were continents apart. we talked for 6 years before meeting in real life. it was love immediately. i made the hop and moved to Europe to be with him about a year after we met in real life. we were really happy for the 3 and a half years we lived together (seriously, not a single fight, extremely compatible) he was watching me intergrate in his country and all. prior to my coming, he was completely addicted to a variety of substances for about a year. when i got here he stopped with the drugs, and 6 months later he stopped drinking all together. so, to support him i stopped too. about a month ago i found out he had been smoking cigaretes behind my back and lying for 6 months. he broke up with me and said he wanted to be free and that he was fucked up anyway and i'll be fine (i literally dont know a single soul in this country besides for him and his parents, so it feels shitty) 2 weeks after the break up he came back from staying at his dads and things resumed as normal (even though im moving out next week and he knows it). we still cuddle, we still kiss, he tells me he loves me everynight before bed. he's keeping things i got him for his birthday and putting it up as decoration (to remind me of what we had) he doesn't want to text so much "it makes me uncomfortable" he said. he wants to take me out to eat once per month "like a date" he said. uhmm.. but he's breaking up with me. what?
i even said i can live elsewhere and he can live alone if he wanted it but he's stuck on "nope we're done"
but his actions make it difficult to believe him. i know for a fact 100% that he doesn't have anyone else but i have started to notice that he's falling back on his addictions. i know for my own sake i have to leave and let him be but its hard to believe that he wants to break up with me. this could be all because of his addiction? a crisis? what should i do?
also, his whole family supports his decision (theyre all addicts, so they think i am the bad guy) i've even suggested the idea of a break because he says "he needs to find himself" but his only answer is "we'll be apart anyway, there's always the possibility we can be back together" left me hanging. okay. also, if he can drink or whatever in moderation, or go hang out with his friends or find a hobby or whatever the hell, i wouldn't care. id even pay for it. i trust him enough for that.
my question is if he is forreal done for good? or maybe he is going through a crisis and i should just give him some space.


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What Guys Said 2

  • It definitely sounds to me like his addictions are an important part of this problem. It would be interesting to know the reason why he fell into addictions in the first place. Some people find it amazingly hard to live under any kind of control. They struggle to live with normality, needing to chase crazy highs all the time in order to cope. This could well be the problem, that he has realised that your relationship restricts his ability to chase the highs and he just feels a bit empty without them. That could suggest a baseline depression in his life.

    • thats interesting. he's doing most things in moderation now but its only been 3 weeks and he's doing it everyday now. he says he wants to find himself but he still loves me and doesn't want to cut ties with me. he's made me agree multiple times i won't cut him out of my life. I've let him know im not against him doing shrooms or smoke weed or whatever he needs to do in order to feel okay (of course not abusing it) and i never once told him not to go anywhere. i am extremely open minded and he's even mentioned it but still the fact that i moved here for him also added pressure on himself. i told him, it didn't matter to me. of course it sucks to be alone but i was happily doing it and things were going good. we traveled the world often to keep things interesting but maybe he is just one of those people that needs drama in their life? maybe he wanted to fuck up to keep things fun? i dont get it. i just want to be happy and in peace.

  • must be tired n got bored with relationship

    • hmm.. but he still asks me to cuddle and he still tells me loves me. he's asked to extend the date i leave by a week. he calls me everyday still, textes me a lot. he's asked me to cut him out of my life. we traveled the world a lot, things were always pretty exciting. we were always trying new things and doing new stuff. doesn't really make sense

    • Show All
    • yeah okay, i can see that.

    • seems like you both need space.. guys do want much space

What Girls Said 1

  • It seems like he loves you and care about you still but he's having trouble with his addiction. Get him to rehab or something. He needs to surround himself with positive people and away from his family

    • but he is pushing me away.. i dont know what I can do. he is pushing everyone away :(

    • tell him you're there for him and you'll support him anyway you can. But he needs to get his head straight

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