How long should I wait to reach out to him?

We were friends for two years before we started dating. We had a 6 month relationship and about two months ago I broke up with him. It wasn't something I wanted to do and I still haven't gotten over it. He wanted to marry me so I know that it's been hitting him even harder. It wasn't a bad/mean breakup, it was more of a sad one. We haven't spoken for about a month now, but just this last week he unfollowed me on instagram (not facebook though). When we broke up we had said that we'd both like to be on good terms eventually, and I know since I"m the one that initiated the break up, that I should be the one to contact him first, right?

I honestly don't think I"ll be able to handle it if we aren't able to at least be on good terms. I respect him and our friendship so much that I don't want to lose that completely.

I've been fighting myself with wanting to reach out to him now, to see how he's doing but have prevented myself because I don't want to make things harder on him. But how long should I wait? I know that I'm probably not ready yet either, but I've never gone through this before...


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What Guys Said 3

  • The answer lies in why you broke up with him, even though you said you didn't want to do it. If that hasn't been resolved, then you must wait. Unless talking about it will resolve the cause of the break up, then you shouldn't delay.

    It's fully possible for you to be friends again, if you and he have the mindset to do so.

    So, why did you break up with him?

    • We broke up because we were just in different places, with different mindsets about the future. I viewed things "realistically", but he always said that I was "negative", and it just felt like that was something that would come up time and time again. It wasn't because of anything he did wrong. He's amazing and I still have the utmost respect for him and would never say anything bad about him. He knows that.

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    • I hate to say it, but I wouldn't; for the reasons mentioned above.

    • I see... if you still care about him as a person, would talking to him stop or prevent him from doing those things again? If so, it would be a better to talk sooner than later.

  • This is one of those things where there is no specific answer provided by science or custom, but varies by individual. You'll have to make that decision emotionally, yet objectively and carefully.

    • I know there's definitely a time that's too "soon"... but is there a time that's too "late"?

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    • Looks like you're on good terms now?

    • Well we haven't been in contact... and he unfollowed me on instagram, so...

  • Either get back or move on... neither one of you can grow if you're going to be "friends".

    • Not even with time after all the emotions and rawness of it all has died down?

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    • Like years down the road? Months?

    • Years... I get it, it hurts right now, but do more things to get ur mind off of this dude, every day it will hurt just a little bit less. But if you keep him right there under your nose, the pain will never go away.

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