How will she know I changed?

My girlfriend broke up with me because I was abusive. We've been apart for a month. She said she wants to see a change before she takes me back. So I'm going to counselling for abusive men. I just want to know how she will see a change if were not together. If I become a changed man, how will she know I won't abuse her again if we don't live together under the same roof. Of course I can't abuse her when I'm not living with her day to day. I don't understand how she can see how I changed without actually being together and living together.


Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, let me say, that what you are doing is AWESOME!!! The fact that you put all this time into overcoming your behavior and going to counseling is something rare among people who are abusive. It shows you realize what you did was wrong and actually do want to change! I believe in you!

    Just give her some time. Eventually she maybe will stay overnight. Just do everything you possibly can to show her you are changing and want to change. Keep going to therapy and work hard to be a good boyfriend! Your actions will speak louder than your words and, overtime, she'll regain her trust of you!

    • Thank you for your kind and helpful words! I do hope once I get the help I need she will see I have changed and give me another chance.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Because she is going to be the judge of your character. And rn I'm gonna keep it real with ya, you sound push af. Relax a little. You have to give her, her time and space from you, so that she my forgive you and heal from all this.

    • Thanks for the advice! You are right I'm am trying very hard to get her back. I'll give her her space and only text her when she texts me from now on.

    • I'm sure that will put her at ease some. You know, not even that, but you can start by making other little changes too. Maybe text her out of the blue too, to say hello. Short and sweet, you know? Because the smallest gestures make a world of difference.

    • Just don't be pushy about getting back together.

  • Give her some time, these things don't happen overnight

    • Your right it's hard for me to give her space and time because I fear she will move on to someone else and forget about me. I will not contact her anymore and let her reach out to me if she wants. Thanks for the advice!

    • No problem at all. I know one of the hardest things to do is wait but (not fully knowing your situation) I would assume showing her your patience would be a good thing. Best of luck

  • Get a new girlfriend and post pictures of you two being happy. That is hard evidence right there, probably the only test available. If you two are meant to be, you will end up together eventually.

    • Hmmm I don't know if that would help, but if all else fails I'll end up doing that anyway after I fix myself.

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    • @electrikrainb0w not if he actually likes the new girl. In other words, move on. Any guy will tell you more girls will look at you in a better light when you're taken. Let the abusive history be a part of your past. I personally would never engage with an abuser again and I was a victim of abuse.

    • Good luck man. It's good to hear you are trying.

  • Maybe give her time to see your changes

    • But how will she see them if I'm not being put to the test by being with her and us living together? She will never know if she can trust me to not abuse her if I'm not around her.

    • Maybe hang out with mutual friends

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