Question about possible reconciliation?

After a really long-term relationship, my ex and I split up three months back, we've never stopped talking, have sex occasionally, but we fight about history and she says she doesn't want me back.

She says she wants to be "friends first" and see if we can move forward from there, she practically demands that I drop the past, yet holds the past against me and uses it as a reason for being gone.

I'm not sure what's happening here, I know she's at least talking to other guys with dating in mind, so if you folks could offer a course of action here, it would be appreciated.


Most Helpful Girl

  • "If she doesn't find better" This is the part that bothers me. That is upsetting to think a person is just there until they find better. Once a person starts looking is it best to just cut all ties immediately? Seems like it will be just a matter of time. There is always going to be someone better. Either the bond/attachment created over time is important to them or it is not. If it's not then won't they probably move on eventually in every relationship looking for the next new high of new love or the next better thing? Even if you refuse to play are they not already? I'm very sorry you guys are going through this :( I really hope my boyfriend doesn't replace me for the next new thing. These sites just make me worry.

    • Worst part here is that there's a teen child, and this was a really long relationship, she knows I had every right to be angry with her, but she dredges up history to justify her leaving and being angry.

      I think she's just really angry, but she has a piss-poor way of working things out.

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    • Either way now it is I'm going to date you while I look around for someone new because ____. (They want to use you for security?) I absolutely think that is so disrespectful. Have the heart to just go. That's something I learned my lesson on long ago. You can't play with people's hearts. If you don't love them let them go to at least have the chance of possible finding true love again. It's cruel and wrong to waist their time. If a person doesn't know what they want then it's probably best to sit back and not date for awhile.
      If they are searching to date someone to have a genuine attraction and emotional connection with them it's not a rebound. They are seeking a partner. If they are dating someone and they don't have a genuine attraction and emotional connection yet they continue to see that person then they are a rebound. A person I dated after a break up once ended up a 13 year marriage. I again learned another valuable lesson girls love security and can easily mistake it for love

    • Wow. That's deep stuff..

Most Helpful Guy

  • In my opinion man, if you want her back then you are doing all the wrong things. Essentially what you are doing now is giving her all the benefits of a relationship without any of the downsides, and at the same time allowing her to go out and screw/date as much as she wants. Why would she want to get back together?

    As hard as it is to do, you have to show her that she either gets all of you or none of you. By continuing to have sex and be her "friend" all you're doing is making the break up much easier on her while she works on finding a replacement. This is very common after break ups and you should never let them do it. If they dont want to be with you, then they have to accept that theyre also losing a friend, confidant, support system, everything. Dont let her make you her bitch man. I know its really hard im doing the same now but guess what? As soon as i stopped letting her think im here as her back up if she doesn't find better, now she's all the sudden opening back up. Its a fucked up game and the only way to win is not to play.

    • Well shit. You're right. And I know it, it's just so hard to shut it down and walk away.

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    • Nothing will drive her more crazy than you making her think you're cool with the break up and that you're gonna start dating and moving on. And dont just make her think that, actually do it. It has the benefit of making you much more attractice to her while also helping you heal if it doesn't end up working out.

    • True story.

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