After a really long-term relationship, my ex and I split up three months back, we've never stopped talking, have sex occasionally, but we fight about history and she says she doesn't want me back.
She says she wants to be "friends first" and see if we can move forward from there, she practically demands that I drop the past, yet holds the past against me and uses it as a reason for being gone.
I'm not sure what's happening here, I know she's at least talking to other guys with dating in mind, so if you folks could offer a course of action here, it would be appreciated.
Most Helpful Girl
"If she doesn't find better" This is the part that bothers me. That is upsetting to think a person is just there until they find better. Once a person starts looking is it best to just cut all ties immediately? Seems like it will be just a matter of time. There is always going to be someone better. Either the bond/attachment created over time is important to them or it is not. If it's not then won't they probably move on eventually in every relationship looking for the next new high of new love or the next better thing? Even if you refuse to play are they not already? I'm very sorry you guys are going through this :( I really hope my boyfriend doesn't replace me for the next new thing. These sites just make me worry.1
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Most Helpful Guy
In my opinion man, if you want her back then you are doing all the wrong things. Essentially what you are doing now is giving her all the benefits of a relationship without any of the downsides, and at the same time allowing her to go out and screw/date as much as she wants. Why would she want to get back together?
As hard as it is to do, you have to show her that she either gets all of you or none of you. By continuing to have sex and be her "friend" all you're doing is making the break up much easier on her while she works on finding a replacement. This is very common after break ups and you should never let them do it. If they dont want to be with you, then they have to accept that theyre also losing a friend, confidant, support system, everything. Dont let her make you her bitch man. I know its really hard im doing the same now but guess what? As soon as i stopped letting her think im here as her back up if she doesn't find better, now she's all the sudden opening back up. Its a fucked up game and the only way to win is not to play.1
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