Completely over my ex boyfriend just not the cheating. Help?

So I am ready to move on. I have been dwelling this for too long. Today is one year and two months ago since I broke up with my ex boyfriend we are civil with each other today and I am completely over him, but what I have been struggling with since is the thought of him cheating on me. I am still hurt about it. I should be over it right? Every time someone tries to date me and wants to take it to the next level I always reject it and say "I am not looking for anything serious right now"... I am ready to open my heart again but I can't seem to open it. It hurts like the day it happened. It makes me jealous and my trust is less "people, especially men"... It was okay for the first year but now I am starting to think that this will continue until next year. I wish I could get over it... What steps can I do?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The way you think is the way your life will go just remember that, best thing to do is to forget and move on, if he cheated then he isn't worth your time, but you shouldn't let one bad guy ruin your chances of finding a guy who will love you with all his heart and soul, everyone deserves happiness, don't let him be the reason that you don't want to date again, you just need to project positivity, tell yourself that you are going to find a guy that makes you happy, and believe that you will, and I promise you that you will find you the best man you can

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    • Thank you. This was uplifting! I needed this.

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    • So true! Thank you :)

    • It's all good, dw I know what it's like, I've been cheated on before, it's horrible

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think anyone ever gets past the hurt being cheated on. Betrayal is so painful. That's why a lot of people struggle trusting any other potential SO after they've been cheated on by a previous partner. I'm very sorry that happened to you. Only those who've been betrayed will ever know the cost of betrayal

    The only way to move on , is to let go. Get rid of anything of sentimental value. People tend to feed memories by reminiscing on what was, and dwelling on what caused the breakup. That in turn feeds your pain , it prongs it and prevents you letting go

    Keeping busy and active is paramount , because time doesn't heal your pain, it's what you do with your time that heals it. Try something new, i. e a new hobby. Make new memories with friends at the places you and your ex visited , so of you ever go there you won't be haunted by the times you shared with him there. When you're alone think of a topic you'd like to study. Then study that topic at home, do research and write your findings down. That'll prevent your mind constantly dwelling on your ex cheating on you. Find ways like that to focus your attention away from your ex when you're alone..

    You may never fully get over him cheating on you, but gradually your memories of it will fade and your pain will ease. Xx ❤

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    • Thank you so much. This made me teary actually. I am taking this advice!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • You've had all your love trampled on, and your heart feels like it won't ever feel better, but the best thing that you can do is to let someone else fill it with a new love, just let it brim over with love, you'll soon feel better, You're much stronger than you realize. xx

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  • honestly, I feel bad that us guys are 90% monkeys but if you don't move on quick the whole your in will only get deeper. I personally don't believe in relationships but if you do then just take it slowly and date around.

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  • give someone else a chance to dispel the feelings. that's what rebounds are for
    but what do I know that is just my opinion

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    • Your opinion is important too. Haha! I don't know if being with someone else will fix the problem

    • lol thank you. it is more my warning label like on medicine you see the 'do not operate heavy machinery while taking this medication' lol and the rebound guy is to regain your power.

  • then you're not totally over him xD. it wouldn't bother you so much if you were ACTUALLY over him

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    • I am over him. I would never take him back even if he begged me and decided to change or if he was the only guy on earth... it is just the cheating that bugs me to this day.

    • I'm not saying that you're still into him that you wanna date him again but it really should not be bothering you at all if there are no feelings left whatsoever

    • It's not feelings for him, I think it's that cheating makes anybody question their self worth. It's bullshit. He chose to do it. Don't take the responsibility for his choice any more.

  • My ex cheated really grossly on me. We split without drama because I knew she 's not a bad whore.
    I found better (MUCH better!) and I forgot all about her for 10 years. Then I recontacted her, now we exchange a mail at New Year or at Bdays. No hate.
    I won't see her back: there's an ocean and half a continent between us (she lies in Canada, I live in Europe.)

    I don't feel I'm a victim: if she cheated, it's partly due to the fact that I was oblivious to her signals.
    Of course, she could have used plain words and talked openly about what she wanted but plain words or innuendo were a bit too difficult for her then...

    I regret it happened but I'm over it.

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  • you must sadhguru's videos on YouTube really helpful

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What Girls Said 13

  • I know the exact feeling you have, I was cheated on before and i completely forgot the guy but still to this day i still have that insecure feeling of being cheated on again. You'll get through it, trust me, I've been with my boyfriend now for a long time and he knows of what happened to me, so it makes it that much easier that he would know I get insecure sometimes.

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    • That is great to know that you have moved on! Thank you!

  • I understand your position and here is my advice for you

    before anything else and always remember to go for someone who you truly are interested with, do not go on a date if you know you are not interested.

    The more you are interested the more you will naturally feel at a good state of mind and heart.

    I understand you are now cautious, Do not let fear hinder your possible relationship, but it is natural to feel afraid.

    Just remember it is part of the process to be left because I also was left before, but always remember it just shows how a person is serious enough to be there for you until the latter.

    If a guy leaves always remember he is not for you, it just shows he is not up to stay until the latter. It can feel a downer but do not let it affect a possibility for you to let others be with you.

    In this lifetime somewhere you will find that willing guy, but ofcourse whenever you find yourself in a prrsent relationship especially if you get scared, never be afraid to sit and talk about it with your guy.

    Remember a guy who is willing will stay and listen

    just remember that you have to just enjoy the moment and whenever you feel distressed do sit and talk about it with your guy.

    lastly always remember people come and go, but that is the truth you will know, if he stays then he is the guy for you but if not, it just means he is not for you.

    Just enjoy the present and let time go by because that is when you will find out

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    • Thank you. This is nice

    • you're welcome glad to help

      just ask away for future queries, would be happy to help 😊

  • I completely understand this as I was in the exact same situation about three years ago (before my most current relationship). The best thing I did was see a therapist and talk out all of my trust issues. She fully helped me get over all of the insecurities cheating brought about for me and all of the worries I had about ever being able to date again. I don't want to be discouraging, but without professional help, I never would've been able to successfully fall in love again. There is no shame in looking for help after being emotionally injured. It's the same thing as if you were to break a bone and have to go to physical therapy to heal 100%!

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    • Agreed! Excellent advice. I went to four months of therapy after I found out my husband had been cheating on me, and it helped immensely. Even the short amount of time i spent in therapy gave me a lot of coping skills that I still use to this day.

  • Trust me I'm going through the same thing minus moving on part since my break up is still fresh but the best advise that one of my best friends said to me was when time came and I was ready to move to always have hope and an open heart to know that the next person isn't going to hurt me because then if I had the thought of the next guy lying or cheating that it may or may not because I wouldn't put trust in the next guy.

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  • Maybe you need to talk to someone professionally they can give you strategies to help you.

    You've given it time and it's not working. You have tried.

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  • It took me more then a year to get over my ex too. You have trust issues, you're afraid that even if you fall in love with someone and he falls deeply in love with you too, that somewhere down the road his feelings will change and he'll cheat on you or dump you. It's just a fear and it's normal too feel that way. The catch is to not care about it. Instead of trying to get rid of that fear, use it as an anchor. Think this way "there's a possibility that it will happen again, so if it does then fuck it, I survived the first time, I'll survive this time too". The reason it hurt so much the first time is because you couldn't even imagine something like that would happen because you're relationship seemed perfect. So ofc it was a shock. Now you have learned that no matter how wonderful a relationship can be, shit still happens. Go with the mindset that nothing is certain and you that don't have a control over anything.

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    • This made me cry. Thank you. I needed to hear this!

  • You are suffering with trust issues. What you're going through is normal for such a tramatic event. Just remember not all men are cheaters and if your gut tells you he's genuine, go for the next step.

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    • I know I am suffering from it. It really sucks cause I let him have the freedom he wanted, never nagged.. always found something that pleased both of us. I don't know how to treat the next guy, should I be more strict with him? I am just confused... it is just hard

    • No, each guy is different.

  • You probably can't get past it because you want to know what happened during the cheating.

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  • Scary as fuck and hard to believe, I know, but his behavior was about him. Not you. You did nothing to deserve it. And there was nothing you could do to stop it. Try to live what that really means. The only single solitary thing in this entire world you have control over is, you.

    You decide what you're worth. You decide what hurts, how you deal with that, and when you are ready to move on. It's hard as fuck to give people a chance when you've had someone break your trust like that. But know what? There are people who won't. Be respectful to yourself first and always, but you gotta go out and live. Trust people, but don't be naive. Take chances, but have a backup plan (invest in you so you're never depending on someone, just in case). Life has so many beautiful things in it. Go live. None of us are getting out alive, so don't let him and his selfishness take any more of the little time we all get here. Go find something that has meaning to you, and live the hell out of it.

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  • Realize that it wasn't you but him. He was damaged and that's fine... those guys are blessings in disguise because they normally help led you towards the one.

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  • I know it's tough, but you can't let your ex's mistakes affect your future relationships! If you're ready to have a new relationship, give it a chance! You'll never know unless you try :)

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  • Hun your not over him. Or youd have no feelings whatsoever.
    As for the dating side, there's going to be trust issues. But the only way to get past it is to try someine new

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  • Then move on

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    • If it was that easy I would

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