What hurts the most about breaking up?

Why does finishing a relationship hurt?, when he/she tells you, despite being gentle or not, that he/she wants to break up with you, why does it hurt?

I know that you may think that it's because you loved him/her, you gave your heart and you felt that it was your true love, but are those the real reasons?

You are free to write other options.

  • You wanted to tell it first.
    Vote A
  • You got used to the relationship, and you are afraid of change.
    Vote B
  • You didn't get what you want.
    Vote C
  • You gave something important in the relationship.
    Vote D
  • You discovered a cruel truth or secret.
    Vote E
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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1711

Most Helpful Guy

  • Why would'nt you be I mean when they brake up with you, your left to dream on your own and all alone. Your love was such, that now you pretend too much...your lonely because there no longer around. Your left with complee grief, wondering what did I do, what did'nt I do, will I ever get them back, will they ever comeback, soo many questions but not one single answer. You gave them your heart...and at the end, they got what they wanted from it and then...they broke it apart. Nevertheless, in the end your left feeling sadder than sad, because your human, and your showing your emotions of being crushed in one of the worse ways possible in life, and now what to do with your broken little heart.

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    • That was depressing but +1 for the honesty

    • Hey I wish I were lying with what I said..............................................but I'm not sadly it feels like this and even worse. Nevertheless, you grow and learn from it specially if you did noting wrong to your other half. By the way really good question and good luck with everything there. ^_^

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • Rejection hurts. when your former boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you, you are getting rejected. Plus, you invested a lot in the relationship: time, effort, and emotion. It's the emptiness after the relationship; you spend a lot of time with the other person, and you become dependent on that person. Without him or her, you realize that you are lost. Of course, these feelings are from the perspective of a person getting dumped.

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  • Here is how I see it. Every time you get close to someone you give a little part of your heart to them. The more you love them the more you give. (When I say love it is not only in a relationship, but also a close friendship.) If you break up, or move away, or get torn away from each other, then a piece of you heart breaks off. This hurts because you don't want to separate, but circumstances does not allow the situation to continue. And if they hurt you before you separate then the damage is already done and you should just let go.

    If this goes on long enough, and your self-esteem is perhaps not enough to repair the hurt, then there will come a time when you stop believing in love altogether.

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  • E, Cruel Truth -- namely that 99% of the genuine affection in the relationship was coming from me, and that I still had so far to go to become decent and respectable and attractive,

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  • all I did was open my eyes, and realized how bad of a person this girl I was dating was. I'm still kinda shocked that I actually went out with her in the first place.

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  • I loved her for real, it felt out of the blue on me.

    And yes, I had adapted my life to her. But it was the pain inside my heart that hurted most. Not the same bed without her, not the bedroom without her stuff, just knowing she didn't love me anymore.

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    • That is exactly how I feel. It's the biggest punch in the face when the love of your life suddenly changes their mind from being crazy about you for such a long time to just not having those feelings anymore when you still do.

    • Yeah a big punch, my life paused and I lost sense of time for about a month or maybe more, it's still like a blackout in my memory.

      While you gave your heart, the person you loved took back his/hers. That's why I voted D.



  • What a great question!

    I think it has to do with our own feelings ,our self-teem, moreover with eh fact that we will be alone (this will only apply if we do not jump into a relationship straight away).

    Bottom line, it hurts because it is normal, you are dealing with many feelings and the fear of being alone!

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  • Trying to figure out how to move on, and ignoring your lingering feelings for them.

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  • Don't forget about the time you wasted. That is what hurts me the most.

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  • it used to kill me... but as time wore on, I saw it as a part of life... It's necessary to a degree to find out about yourself.

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  • At least it's true with my first break-up, I realized she was the only person that has ever made me feel truly happy, and even though it's been years since we've so much as talked, not a day goes by that I don't miss her and think about her; I hope some day I'll have another relationship that feels just as wonderful as the one I had with her.

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    • Can I ask the reason for the break up?

    • She'd been hurt before, so she had trust issues, she pushed me away, no matter how hard I tried to get closer to her, she wouldn't have any of it, until she eventually lost it with me (not entirely sure why) andd broke up with me, we tried being friends for awhile, but she got worse and ended up just not talking to me any more, to this day I still have dreams about her I wake up sweating from.

What Girls Said 17

  • it hurts because the person being dumped is pretty much being told that, now that I've been with you for awhile I don't like the whole you, your not good enough for me, you're not the one for me, we won't work out so pretty much being rejected, which is never a good feeling.

    n sometimes it hurts for the dumper too because you guys did spend so much time together, you got to know the other person so well..they are in one way or another special to you or you guys wouldn't have started..but just that realization that you can't give your all to that person..that you couldn't overlook their flaws or anything else that was blocking your way in being together..being willing to work something out

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  • It hurts because I feel like I just got abandoned by someone I truly cared for. Or sometimes I get upset because I wished I did something diffrently.

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  • I voted D. If it were an option, I would have chosen the one that said, "You felt guilty from hurting them, even though you knew it was for the better."

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  • I said afraid of change. Because the worst part of breaking up for me is just getting back into the habit of having one less really close friend.. because that is really what a significant other is, at least to me.. Under it all, they are someone you can talk to, someone who you feel is always there for you, at least while they are there - so once they are gone, even if you are the one to break up or you've already lost your romantic feelings for them, it's difficult to get over them not being there anymore.

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    • I completely agree. My boyfriend and I just broke up and the hardest part is not being able to talk to him anymore, even about the most minute details of my day. Its also really hard not miss the routines you had as a couple, the assumption that most of your free time was spent with them. It was almost a given that 5-7 nights out of the week we'd be together and not having that consistency any more has been dificult to deal with. It takes time to be happy filling your life with other things..

  • Most of the time, for me anyway, break ups hurt because I gave so much of myself, I was so good without being clingy, possessive, psycho, I was just a great girlfriend... & then it just ends with a stupid reason or they treat me badly & that hurts because I don't know what else I'm supposed to give?! That hurts.

    I do believe I put myself out there for them too much & maybe I'm a doormat for guys sometimes. I believe that if I realise the problem I can fix it so hopefully that will work in the future :)

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  • I think it only hurts when you really don't expect it at all. When your relationship is giving hints that it's going to disperse you kinda emotionally prepare yourself for the outcome which may lessen the blow but it still kinda hurts. But when it's unexpected not only does it take you by surprise but it's heartbreaking

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  • It hurts wen I think it's really gonna last than it just ends without me knowin why

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  • I think that its all about the memories. You are aware that your lifestyle is drastically about to change. Friends that you share, times that you spent, traditions, and just his/her company is no longer going to exist. That hurts

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  • those are some messed up choices though!

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  • I've never been in a relationship before, but if I ever was, I would be hurt bcuz I gave him my heart and then he rejected it.. I.would.cry...

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  • its just that you get so use to him being there and wen its gone you feel lost and so it hurts but time passes and uheal but you never forget how speaical and how important they made you feel

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  • voted B, but I also would vote D, if I could

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  • It hurts because if they meant something, you don't want to lose them or see them walk away.

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  • he said he wouldn't cheat or lie about anthing and he did and I gave him sex every chance he got

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  • Well I got used but I'm not afraid of change.

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  • It hurts because you lose that person out of your life, you no longer get to see them, and if you do its not the same. Your scared to see them with a new partner. You once had such strong feelings for that person its scary to feel like you lost them completely. I KNOW the feeling. You remember all the memories you had. and even the bad memories. I still have my exes pictures, my roses I dried that he gave me when we first started dating, and even though he's now moved on with another girl, that he once cheated on me with, I still can't throw that box away. And its because if you do you come to the nasty realization its over...and that hurts more then anything. But sometimes you have to put aside how you feel and remember what you deserve... ps- everything happens for a reason darling.

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  • I voted D, because in any relationship that is long term, especially, I feel like one gives up their time and energy looking (for something better), and hoping that this person is "the one" and regretting it so much when it doesn't end that way. Usually in that relationship a lot of other things are also given up -- it could be one's virginity, or choosing their relationship over family, etc.

    There are so many things that can cause the hurt, but I guess if I had to pick one it'd be D. ahaha

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    • Hey, that's what I was thinking when I wrote D. When I wrote "something important", I didn't want to mean "my love" or "my heart", I was thinking in something more "realistic" like time, energy, being by his/her side and "betraying" at the same time persons who are dear to you, etc.

    • And of course, virginity if it was the first intimate relationship.

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