How to let him down gently?

A guy who was new to our group of friends last summer and I became pretty close. He asked for my number, and I was dating somebody at the time, so I said yes but I also told him that it was just as friends. He said OK, and for a few months it was a normal texting friendship thing- like what's up, how was your day, etc. But a few months ago he said that when I come home from college he wants to take me out on a date. I told him that he was a really nice guy (he is) and I care about him as a friend, but that I didn't see him that way. He said ok, and stopped texting me for about three weeks. I didn't text him either. Then he texted me again, normal things at first, but then he started calling me cutie and talking about how much he liked me and stuff, which he hadn't done before. I basically ignored those comments and just responded to the normal stuff. But then he asked me out again, and I said basically the same thing I had the first time. This has happened three times. This guy is a great friend, and I wish I were attracted to him, but I'm not. There's no chemistry. I want him to stop asking me, but I really, really don't want to hurt his feelings. I HATE this situation! How can I get him to stop without hurting his feelings? Please help.


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  • WithOUT hurting his feelings? I'm sorry, but this is pretty much an impossible task. Rejection is rejection. Unless you're incredibly thick-skinned or you never really liked the person you were rejected by anyway, it will hurt. What you should go for is minimizing the damage and salvaging your friendship. If you feel he will persist no matter how much you ignore it, then you must wait until you come home and you can speak to him face to face. Texting is too impersonal. If he persists with the texting, tell him you'll speak to him when you come home and ask him to please be patient until then.

    Once you get home and he contacts you again asking you out, ask him to have a little talk. What you've already texted to him is actually what I think is the best way to handle it. It's just that over the phone, it's easy to shrug these things off. Once you look him in the eye and tell him all this, calmly and sincerely, he should get the message. You must be firm yet gentle. Don't sputter reasons either or he'll think you're making excuses. Be direct, but don't be harsh. Your last sentiment should be that you really want to remain good friends. After that, if he persists, well, you're going to have to turn him down more harshly each time and unfortunately, the chance of saving your friendship will go down each time too.

    P.S. I felt I worded that kind of bossily. This just my advice so you should do whatever you feel like. :)

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    • Thanks! I know it will hurt him, but I will try this. It just makes me really sad that I would be hurting my friend.

    • You're welcome. I think if you make him understand that you are hurting too, he will be less defensive and won't harbor ill feelings toward you. He may even feel sorry for ignoring what you said initially. Good luck!

  • If he's attracted to you, I don't know how it is possible for him to go out with you as "friends". Even if he is talking about the the routine day to day things, in his heart he cares for you and only wants to spend more time with you.

    I don't think you can try to remain friends -- because I don't think that you really have been all along... maybe you've been friends, but I think he's been thinking of you in a totally different way.

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