What. The. Hell.

OK, so a guy and I are really close friends, yet I’ve been getting a feeling for a while now, that he wants to be more than just that. Today, my suspicions were confirmed — seriously, I have NO idea it happened — but we were just talking normally, and then the next second, he took me by surprise and just leaned in to kiss me... What the hell?

I’m pretty sure he expects me to ask him out or something now considering that I’ve been pretty nice to him and all — I used to just shrug off his hints about his feelings and pretend not to notice. I never used to reject him for fear that our friendship would end.

How do I break it to him gently? I’m not interested. I’m already in love, and he KNOWS it! He’s practically my best friend, he knows everything about me. He’s pretty damn good-looking too, but I don’t see him that way.

Plus... well, I’m pretty sure that my “boyfriend-who-is-not-officially-my-boyfriend-yet” will not respond to this very nicely. He’ll think that I was the one who cheated on him, while he (my friend) was actually the one who took me by surprise.

What now? I’m afraid of losing my best friend, as well as the boy I love. So what will it be? Lose one, or the other? Or save both...but how? :/

And I know how it feels to be rejected. I really do. I like this boy as he were my brother. But that's all. I don’t want to cause him heartbreak — but how to handle this situation?
I don't love him that way. But he's still a close friend.

I've been rejected before. And I don't want him to feel horrid about himself like I did when I was shunned. He's beautiful. In his own way. But I'm not interested in him that way.
Obviously I'll have to tell him somehow. I just don't know how to break it to him gently.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wait. Aren't you the one who sent a friend to tell a guy you liked him, then denied it, then wanted to email him that you liked him but instead called him an asshole and then proceeded to discuss homework as if nothing happened?

    Now my answer. You're gonna have to say no to your friend since you don't like him. And he's gonna be heartbroken, and rightly so. You don't want him and you want the other guy you barely know. He listened to you for years and he gets nothing in return (well, nothing he wants). And the other guy gets to kiss you etc. without as much as moving a finger. So that's what he's thinking.

    It's not a question of hurting him or not, it's a question of how much. If you call him your brother, like you just did, he's gonna spend the rest of his life being extremely bitter, thinking women are bitches who never go for the 'nice guys'. So forget about the following words: brother, nice guy, just friends. Unfortunately I don't have any idea about what you should say.

    Good luck.

    • Yes, that was indeed me. However, I think you've got a couple of facts wrong -- I never sent my friend to tell the boy that I liked, about my feelings.

      Also; he changed the subject to upcoming exams, not me.

      But yeah. That was me.

      ...The other guy, that I'm in love with. I do know him. Our parents have known each other since four years. But I never got intimate or very friendly with him before.

      But anywho. That's not the question at hand.

      I'm going to have to break him? Yes, I don't (continued)

    • Show All
    • After you explain yourself to your friend, do not get into any discussion about your crush. Those are two completely separate matters.

      Besides, you can't prepare for every possible scenario. There's only so much you can do. Give it your best shot, and then give him some time to come to terms with it. It's pretty much out of your hands after that.

    • I will. Thank you so much !! :)

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