My boyfriend broke up with me but still sys he loves me and is really upset. Can someone please help me understand?

My boyfriend of a year and half broke up with me two days ago and still says he loves me. We barely fought and when we did it was only about him not putting in any effort. I do stuff for him and only hangout with him once a week because thats what he wanted. He says he is young (he's 20) and he is working a lot and going to school and he doesn't think he can show me that he actually cares about me or put in effort. I do not know what to do and how to get through this. It is just confusing can someone please hep?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like your boyfriend is not ready or prepared for a committed relationship yet. He's got school, life, work, goals, etc. to work towards and trying to juggle all those things is certainly difficult.
    He cares about you, and most probably does really love you, but he's upset because right now thats the best thing for him to do, is to not have a relationship at this time.

    It may hurt him since he does care about you, and letting go is never easy. He has his priorities figured out, and he may be upset because he knows he cannot handle the relationship now, but doesn't expect you to wait around for him. I think you should give him time to calm down and clear his mind. Him only wanting you to visit every so often is a clear sign he's got other things on the go, and the relationship aspect to his life isn't among top things right now.

    That being said, that doesn't mean you aren't. He may want to keep in touch, or is pondering whether it's best to cut ties and let you move on from him completely. Give him space and let him settle down. Don't contact him for a bit and leave things settle.
    In the mean time, please don't think this is something you did. From the sounds of it, it's all his choice and he's trying to figure out his life and where he wants to go. You should take time to yourself, and hopefully you two can discuss this in the near future. But don't wait around for him, or let him take advantage of you. If he breaks up he cannot expect you to be there for him 24/7. I find the no contact thing works well, so let him be with his own thoughts for a while.

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  • The thing is not all relationships have to end in tears and arguments. Sometimes it's just not the best time/place in your life to be with a particular person and that sounds like where your boyfriend is at. He has a lot going on with his life and while he probably feels he's being unfair to you maybe he just doesn't want to have an extra thing on his plate right now. Just because he doesn't want a relationship doesn't mean he isn't sad for hurting you - but if this is what he wants then that's all there is too it.
    If being friends with him is difficult then I'd ask him to keep his distance until you've had time to adjust to the new dynamic and maybe revisit it later - but generally in this scenario convincing him to get back together rarely ends up in a lasting and healthy relationship

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  • When he says that he's busy and can't show how much he cares is a joke.

    His gestures dont have to be big, its the little things that count, like making once a week or 2 weeks.. a date night , calling and checking up on you, surprising you with a gift or token of appreciation (when you do hang out ) and the list goes on. Even though we all are busy , we have to make time for (And we do make time ) the things that we LOVE the most. Whatever takes up his time is what he truly cares about the most.

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  • this is basically my relationship right now omfg... except that we haven't broken up yet.

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