Who should be hurting more after this break up?


I just broke up after 2.5 months of dating her. I found out she cheated on me. Long story short we were at a bar sitting next to each other and her phone was on the counter top. Someone called and I saw the name "Joe" she answered and quickly said I'll call you back bye but before she hung up I heard a "I love you" from the guy.

So Iasked her right away who's the guy that just said I love you. She said it was her ex.

To be fair she got a divorce last year and said she still talks to her ex because of issues going on and her stuff still being at the house they had out of state. Problem is her exes name is Chris not Joe she told me about Chris before. I didn't say anything about me seeing who called - so she just lied right there to my face.

So I did some detective work and found out this Joe works with her I messaged him on Facebook and he said he was considered her boyfriend as well! She didn't have any pictures or relationship info on her page because she told me her ex would harass me if she did that. That should of been a red flag that she was hiding something right there but I was blinded.

I literally did nothing wrong to this girl and she lied and cheated. She did have a horrible past of being mollested at an early age but I can't feel sorry for her. She didn't tell me about her past until 2 months into seeing each other. She refused to take medications, didn't go to counseling, didn't see a psychologist or psychiatrist, etc. She didn't get the help she needed. I feel like she had zero business dating or getting into a relationship if she had a problem and couldn't commit. Rather she lied and cheated and hurt me in the process.

Who usually hurts more in a break up the person who put all the effort and got back stabbed or the person that did the backstabbing and lying and cheating?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, obviously the person who was betrayed usually hurts more because they're dealing with breakup and betrayal. The other person just deals with a breakup.

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    • Well you would think the person that did the betraying will look back and feed off all the bad stuff they did whereas the person that did nothing wrong has nothing to feed off of.

    • No. The person you dated doesn't sound mature enough to have that self awareness about what she did wrong. Anyways, why does it matter who hurts more? You need to stop caring about what happens with her and start moving on with your life. Maybe she'll go on just being a crappy person and having crappy relationships. Maybe she'll mature and learn to be a better person. Neither matters or should affect you in any way. Focus on improving your life and finding your own happiness.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You're hurting bc she betrayed you, nothing about your feelings toward her

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    • But would she hurt or feel bad as well?

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What Girls Said 2

  • the person who was cheated on and lied to. I'm sorry to hear that. You deserve someone way better than her.

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  • The person who was betrayed. Betrayal is one of the most painful experiences to go through. It has a detrimental affect on you emotionally, physically and mentally. It can leave emotional scars for the rest of your life. Only thoses who've been betrayed know the cost of betrayal. I believe pain does change people , usually for the worst. It affects your judgement of other people.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Obviously the person who put all the work in. She did you a favor. You're only seeing the tip of the ice berg. Better this happen now rather than after years of dating or possibly marriage. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

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  • I think the person who got lied to and cheated on would hurt worse

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  • There are no winners in a break up, you both hurt

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  • Well, in my opinion, you were the one who got more hurted. Since she was molested in her early age, she might have build up a tendency to take revenge from opposite gender. It might be not her fault that she cheated you.

    There can be chances that Joe was the person who might had a crush on your girlfriend.

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  • I'm still hurting after almost a year of her being gone.

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