What are the reasons you'd reach out to your ex who you dumped a few days ago?

My ex who I was with over a year in a serious relationship left me on Monday. I think he is in a bad space as he was very emotional about it (crying, deactivating his FB etc). I went no contact immediately like any smart person and today he reached out to me again on the game we play together League Of Legends (it's almost like Dota). He invited me to 2 games which we played and he also talked to me asking me about my car, my work etc. He eventually said I must send him my bank details because he wants to send me money he owed me. I whatsapped him my details and we talked a little bit on there as well. He also asked me randomly if he left his black jeans at my place.

I'm trying to understand why a guy who claims to have no feelings for me would want to still talk to me. After he broke up with me, we talked on the phone once where he pretty much gave me the closure I needed so it wasn't like any more contact was technically needed. He also failed to mention my clothes that are still at his place. I'd think he'd want me to come get my things but no word on that yet either.

I'm absolutely in love with him and will do anything to win him back so I'm trying to see if there's any hope whatsoever :( And if there is, I'd like to know what I can do about it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you'd like to repairs things than go for it... he has to know how you feel about it and how much you miss him.
    No guarantee it will help to make him come back. But nevertheless there's always a chance that it was in an emotional moment he left you and he's already sorry but doesn't dare to tell you.
    Maybe propose to come get your clothes and tell him you'd also like to have 10 min of his time to really understand what happened and why. Talking could be the first step :D

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    • Very good advice. Thank you so much. Do you think it would be wise to maybe do the whole picking up clothes thing in 2 weeks time so that he has had enough space to process everything? I will still be friendly with him in the mean time but won't actively initiate. What do you about this?

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    • Unfortunately it's over for good. I talked to him today and he said his heart isn't into it. I've accepted it's over now and got my closure. Regardless, thank you for your help :)

    • You're most welcome, and thanks for the MH :D

What Guys Said 20

  • Its only been 3 days and your relationship was for a year. he's not over you yet but it sounds like he's done he's not asking to get together and he gave you closure although it seems he's going back and fourth on it. Almost like he doesn't know what he wants but wants something different at the same time. He still wants to be there for you yest not as a relationship I believe. Just be careful he's not contacting you for one last bang.

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  • unless she had someone die or was in a serious accident, or we had kids, i would not reach out.

    dumping someone takes a lot of thought, how can they forget all those reasons so quickly?

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  • Well I do still rem my memories with ma ex. If I had a chance to go to I would.. Coz I love her simplicity, n character..

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  • He misses you.

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  • Sounds like he wants the relationship back but is being a little subtle about it. If you want to get back with try to be his friend and see where it takes you.

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  • With mental health issues facing more and more young men these days it is maybe something to think about, he might still want you in his life and just be really confused at the moment. either case, you two should talk

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    • yeah, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year because of core values issues, and I still wanted to talk to her and be her friend, as I'm not able to be that open with my guy friends, It's kind of weird to talk about feelings or how certain things made you feel, but I don't want to bottle it up. What were the reasons he broke up? usually the person doesn't admit to all the reasons, but if you're able to change those, then you might still get him back. Sometimes there are too many though and even if a few change you feel like the others are still too much,

  • i never did that before

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  • He still has feelings obviously this shows he isn't over you

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  • Did you get back with him?

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    • Nope. It's over for good :)

    • Wow. That's what scares me about dating. You can invest so much and nothing comes of it. I hope you have good memories. Wasn't this the guy you met on tinder?

    • Yes it is. It is scary because I thought he loved me. He really did a AMAZING job at convincing me of this. Oh well onto the next :P

  • Hi I'm an ex diamond euw. One of two reasons: regret or sex. Personally I think if he truly loved you he wouldn't have broken up with you in the first place, so you may have been his backup.

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  • If I still like her

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  • if you miss them

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  • Im sure most people rgret break ups due to being unsure for a few months after... dont get back with him im sure its just him regretting it but it will happen again do dont get back

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  • stop all the communications (audio, video, text and voice call) just for a week. he will come back running like a loyal puppy, if he has the sediments intact!! dont worry, all will be good

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  • If she was a good fuck and I was drunk and horny.

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  • To recruit you as a bootycall?

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    • Highly doubt it. He lost his virginity to me at 23. He takes sex very seriously and doesn't just do it for the sake of it.

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    • Can't figure out his motives. Watch him and stay intimate with him if he wants. but make up your mind for a separation. Don't keep your hopes high. If he returns to you , that's good. If not, don't be sad. Give him only happy memories.

    • @XRabbitHeartX that's probably not the main reason then. He probably has a bunch of real reasons that you will both regret not communicating to each other. I was in a similar situation, but it's hard to criticise someone to their face that you reaaaaally like, especially when they aren't aware of their own flaws. You should ask him and try and get him to communicate the reasons. If that happened to me personally, then I'd be worried a significant other might break up with me again for the same reasons I don't know about.

  • I would do it for the sex. but that's me. him I don't know...

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  • Pussy

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  • To have sex. Again.

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    • Good comment and very stupid as well but I somewhat do agree with this guy so if u do end up going to his place for ur clothe PLEASE PLEASE don't give him NONE that would just mean that he still has property over u so don't be a fool and don't let him walk all over u

    • @Igarcia339 I'm definitely not going over to his place any time soon and certainly no free sex. That's not my style at all :P

  • I think the fact that you're still nuts about him, makes you want to assign meaning to meaningless things. Like contacting you for his clothes, does that mean something? No, he wants his clothes. Or not contacting you about your clothes. Does that mean something? No, it just means he doesn't think about your stuff, only his stuff.

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    • The clothes are really not the main thing here at all. If this was all you could take away from the question then maybe read again :/

What Girls Said 6

  • I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. . . it's never easy.

    This is a case of "always expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed." It's possible, if he's on an emotional roller coaster as seems to be the case, you can get back together, but you really shouldn't count on it. If he's technically not with you anymore but still interacting with you, that could show either his ambivalence or that he's trying to establish contact with you on his terms for his purposes.

    I assume you've asked him point-blank if you are over? And if you are why is he still wanting to interact with you?

    You should also ask yourself if you're comfortable being "just friends" or acquaintances if that's all he wants.\, or of that would be too hard for you.

    I hope everything works out.

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  • He wants to make sure you are still into him, which you confirmed. It helps give him the confidence he needs to go out and meet other girls. but keep sitting by the phone waiting for his next call or game invite instead of getting on with your own life. Your availability is good for his confidence.

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    • But I did go on with my life? I didn't contact him at all. He initiated contact with me multiple times :) I didn't even ask him how he was doing and he still carried on talking to me.

    • Then wait for him to tell you he was wrong and he wants you back.

  • You've already answer it. He wanted to return your things and give u back money. I see it as a good thing, since he broke up with you- he can talk to you like a normal person. Maybe you define a break up as in two people never talking again due to having a history.

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  • ow I am so sry sweety :/
    that sucks really bad
    do you know why he s in a bad place lately?
    honestly his actions depict smthng different than what he s saying.
    obviously he s not over you completely
    still has doubts
    missing you
    so basically I think he s in between and confused whether or not to let it go completely

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  • So sorry to hear this! But you might can get him back... my ex that I got back with contacted me like this. Eventually he asked me back out! So there's still hope.

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  • He's not over you. No one gets over a year relationship in 3 days. Like you said he's in a bad place right now? maybe give it sometime. If he didn't end it in a negative way you can just be like it seems like you're not in a good place right now and I'm here for you if you need...

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    • You're right. Time is probably the best and only thing I can really give to the situation :( i guess I should be glad he wanted to talk to me.

    • Yeah but don't let him play the back n forth game wth you. It's gonna end up fucking you up. Tell him to figure out what he wants and get back to you.

    • If he messages me again then I probably will ask him what he wants. I thought he may just be testing the waters to see if I'm still angry at him.

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