Will he come back to me? Or am I just wishfully thinking? I need real, unsugar-coated advice.

My boyfriend of over 9 months recently broke up with me.

He said that he just doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, he does not want a girlfriend,and he said, in particular "I just don't want to deal with this relationship anymore."

In the past couple of months there has been a lot of tension between us, due to both of our busy work schedules, me going to class, and him moving out of his moms house and into a new place.

I brought a lot of insecurities to the relationship, and I knew after awhile that he would get fed up and something would happen between us.

I didn't bother getting worked up because I knew things would be better as soon as I had gotten out of school for the summer and as soon as he moved out. He expressed several times that he wanted to spend more time with me etc., and yes, at one point we were probably only seeing each other 2 or three times a week AT MOST. He wasn't happy with that, and neither was I, but I figured things would get better in the summer.

We never fought, never raised our voices to each other, and had a good sex life. Just a few days before the break up, he expressed that he was upset because he wanted to see me more often.

After an argument last weekend and the tension being so bad between us that I did not have the power to stay with him one night, he asked if things just weren't working between us, and I was really hurt. To make a long story short, he seemed to think things were not able to work between us anymore, and he broke up with me a couple days later over text after I told him to not even bother coming to my house to do it face to face.

He said he just wants to be friends. He has pulled a complete 360 by doing this, and my heart is broken. I see very clearly the issues I brought to the relationship, and I see how easily they could be fixed.

After not talking for a few days, I sent him an email expressing my side of the story and also told him (while being assertive, not begging, and not desperate) that I would be willing to change the things that went wrong, because I feel if it weren't for my insecurities this never would have happened. We were very happy together at one point.

I WILL NOT beg him to come back to me. I'm trying to accept and respect that he wants to be single now. He's not out to hurt me, and I can not find a reason to be angry with him. My problem is that I have high hopes that he will regret his decision, because I know very well in my heart that he wants a serious relationship.

What do I do? I want to be civil and mature because we have a lot of mutual friends, but I've already relapsed and broken down and texted him. I want him to come back to me, but I don't want him to think I am waiting. Is this realistic? Should I ask to see him in person? Please give me any and all advice.. I honestly don't know what to do at this point, I love him and would be willing to do whatever it takes on my part for things to work between us. How do I convey that without seeming desperate?

Updates:
He did speak to me and ask how I was doing after a couple days of no contact via Facebook.

I sent him the email the next day and asked him to not respond, only to tell me he had read it or not.

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  • My advice to you: Back away, and give him some space. If you love him, you will allow him this time to step out. He has ended your relationship for a reason. Even if you're aware of what has happened, and what you might need to fix. It's over for the time being, and that's the way it needs to be treated. Your emotions are still fresh, raw, unwavering. It's your knee jerk reaction to try to win him back. It's a natural instinct. But a lot of times. It fails right away. Taking sometime away from one another might be a vital part of making things work again.

    I'm speaking through personal experience. However, all situations are different. I was in a similar situation not very long ago. It took an entire year for us to patch things up. If this guy is worth it. If you truly love him. Allow him some air. If he misses you he will contact you. When people have been together for lengthy periods of a time. Missing is inevitable. You're hurting the most, but I'm sure it's hard on your ex boyfriend too.

    I wouldn't buckle anymore. If he's not coming around to you, you need to take action to protect yourself. Go visit with your friends, do somethings for yourself. Better your own mental state. Because even if he never comes back to you. This is not your end. Hearts take a long time to mend, but in the long run. It's how long it takes YOU to mend. Your heart cannot heal unless you take the proper steps in accomplishing that. So really. It takes as much time as you let it take.

    I would never give you false hope. But I will say. That just because you're broken up. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's over for good. A lot of people break up and get back together. I would recommend bettering yourself in the process. When you're truly ready to be "civil" and "mature" you'll know it. Because you won't be trying so desperately to force yourself back into the picture. Your struggle will end. And when you're at ease, and calm enough. You'll be ready to have contact with him again.

    Another suggestion. And I REALLY wouldn't take this route. Is to suck it up. And still remain a part of his life, while being fairly impersonal. This means that you accept and understand that for the time being you aren't together. You're not his, and he's not yours. If you think you can have this type of relationship. By all means. But this doesn't appear to be the case.

    Be prepared for all possible outcomes. The more optimistic: He'll wish to rekindle the relationship. The more pessimistic: He might never try to work out these issues with you. These are things you have to prep for. Let yourself go through the typical stages of a break up. If you've already reached out to him, and he makes no move to ignite the flame. Let the candle stay out for a little while until you regain your senses.

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    • Thank you very much, this is just the kind of answer I needed.

      However, I've already made all the necessary mistakes to push him further away, like texting him and letting him know I'm upset. He seems happy, and he doesn't seem to be going through any kind of pain at all, which hurts me even worse.

      I promised myself I won't contact him anymore. I know I've annoyed and p*ssed him off further.. is it hopeless?

    • If you really have to. Get rid of his contact info. And when you speak to mutual friends. Avoid the subject at all costs. This is probably one of the most difficult things you'll ever go through: Keeping away from him. But you need not be so hard on yourself. You deserve to protect yourself, and you deserve to heal. No situation is hopeless. Especially not ones like these. But for the time being. Don't worry about that. Worry about you. As hard as it seems. I've been there. You can get through.

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