Are children turned against their fathers following divorce?

I am just using this couple as an example only:

Dad denied access to children by ex wife

They are both z-listers in the UK and she is constantly calling the paps and he is constantly tweeting about her and their issues.

To the bigger issue, are children turned against their fathers following divorce?
Should dads have the right to visitation following divorce?
What if the dad was abusive, an alcoholic, a former criminal, a gambler, not a good person (e. g. a liar, a layabout, put his friends before his family)?

Are children the victims between bitter exes?
Will the children suffer from all the negative publicity in cases such as this?
Dad makes a mistake, is then punished in the courts so the child gets a negative view of their dad?

Children turned about dads following divorce

  • Yes turned against
    Vote A
  • Not turned against
    Vote B
  • Courts favour mothers and dads are left out in the cold
    Vote C
  • Other
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • My parents separated when I was 12, divorced officially a year later.

    Here's the interesting thing that happened. My mom never spoke badly about my dad and didn't indoctrinate us to dislike him. I can tell by my dad's behavior that he felt my younger sister and i WERE being indoctrinated against him.

    I had a stronger emotional bond with my mom , mainly because my dad was that classical type of man that put most of his focus into providing for the household financially (he worked as many hours as possible) , and "left all that emotional stuff to the woman of the house to handle".

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    • I bond way more with my dad in adulthood, than I did as a teen. Mainly because now as a man, I understand how he ticks (and how he ticked during the early years of divorce).

Most Helpful Girl

  • Courts favour mothers and dads are left out in the cold and that is the REAL TRUTH. Courtts are women advocates and they blame on the fathers for almost everything. I mean there are few exception but is not always like that. My male cousin could be an example of that as a judge granted him the custody of his son, while the mother took the daughter. The woman son did not want to live with her anymore, the reason why the judge gave the custody to the father. The mother kick her own son out of the house while he was still young he was like 11 years old when this incident happened.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • Yes fathers are vital in a childs development (which has been well documented, fatherless children are far more likely to commit suicide criminal acts suffer from substance abuse etc). The courts favor women to the extreme as data shows that women get full or partial custody over 90% of the time vs. a fathers 40% of the time, as for full custody a father gets it (if memory serves) about 1.5% of the time vs. a mothers 50% meaning a father gets screwed. Incases of abuse, sure a father should not be allowed around his children if he was abusive but the fact is statistics show women are actually more likely to be abusive towards children then men are so even under those situations fathers would still get to see there children more often but that is not how it works meaning that abusive women get custody of there children while nonabusive good fathers lose out. Women use children as weapons against men as your post pointed out, quite frequently. In fact the lawyers encourage it and encourage accusing the men of wrong doing as the courts who are already incredibly biased in the womans favor will automatically believe her over the father. Its a sick and twisted system that destroyes fathers and more importantly the children.

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  • I have no experience with courts in the UK but I represent people in divorce cases in Florida. The courts here do not operate as you described.

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  • This happened to a former colleague of mine.

    I steered very clear of the whole thing, but it appeared that his wife out of nowhere simply decided that she didn't want to be with him anymore (of course there are always two sides etc).

    Her parents were not massive fans of his, and he seemed to think that they were fairly pivotal in this. His daughter wasn't speaking to him for quite some time, though, and he felt that she'd been turned against him.

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  • If he's a shitty person, sure he shouldn't get to see his kids.

    But there's a stacked bag against men in this. My mom is almost an anomaly, she and my dad remained friends after the fact and I still love my dad.

    This is one example of inequality not being fought against. Women will win the court case and deny him access to his children, or only limited access, even if he's more fit to care for the kids.

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  • Sometimes this happens, particularly after a bitter divorce. In cases where a man is abusive or a threat to the child then yes, he should not know the location of those children for their own safety. In cases where a woman is just being a snobby, vindictive, bitch then he should gain custody since she is clearly not enough of a mature adult to properly raise children. The courts can then arrange her visitation and custody rights. I don't think a child should be denied access to either parent in normal cases.

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  • Yes.
    Infact there is a petition in the UK to make it a criminal offence to do this.
    petition.parliament.uk/.../164983

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  • Children are victims, mothers often tell their children from her negative experiences with their husband. To make an example, my mother forced out my father cause he drank (he never hurt her though) he drank cause money was short. After she forced him out she made it clear to us that he was a bad person. Years later she picks up drinking and I leave, more time passes and found my father we message on occasion and he no longer drinks but is a nice guy.

    People often tell aside of the story to make themselves look good often not telling the part that makes them look bad.

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    • I am pleased it turned out good for you and your dad.

    • Thank you! Wish it worked out with others as well. Counter question: if the marriage failed as in no love do you think they should stay together for their children to give them a normal life? Maybe untill a certain age like 15?

    • No I don't. I think its obvious when 2 people don't love each other anymore and that can be as damaging. I remember being away at school and there were a few students whose parents were like that. We would go and visit during school breaks and you could see and feel the awkardness. Lets face it, kids are smart and they can nearly always tell what's going on between the big folks !

  • I can answer this having done lots of research for it and being a primary writer for a divorce website:

    1) Children being turned against their fathers is rare but when it happens, it is not subtle. But still, it's rare.
    2) Children ending up having worse impacts from the divorce, however, is very common. Why? Because, the parents arguing and bad mouthing of the other parent in front of the children eventually creates a confused swirl in the child's mind? They ask themselves:
    *Is what mom/dad saying true?
    *Who am I supposed to support/not support?

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    • often yes.. the younger the kid, the easier it is. my mom Still talks craps about my dad, they've been divorced for 13 years. which is why I stopped talking to my mom

  • Yup, couts fuck up the dad, and sometimes the woman turns the kids against him. It can happen the other way around too

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  • they are turned against their fathers if the mother or people attempt to turn them against the father. but plenty are not

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  • I've read about this and i have read that sometimes lawyers would instruct mothers to "coach" their children to turn against the dad. It would help the mom get full custody of the children.

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    • I once read a story about a father from NY whose wife was a little outraged about hm divorcing after she had an affair. His lawyer advised him to record her daily rants at him and she found out called the cops, started screaming that he was killing her in front of their small child. Cops came, he got arrested but it was the child who said it didn't happen and she defended her dad. They divorced and split custody.

    • Yeah divorces are nasty.

  • Sometimes they are. The mother usually makes up a story to make her look like a victim and him the predator when it could be the opposite. It's just selfish.

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    • I don't agree that this "usually" happens. More parents than not are able to reach the fairest agreement they can when it comes to their children
      ... and there are occasions where there is a justifiable reason for not doing so. It's not always a case of "making up a story"

      My daughter's dad and I have never been in a full on relationship, but we're friends and I'd never tried to stop him spending time with her.
      Then he got involved in some nasty stuff that he's waiting to go through court over. He lied to me about what happened with all that, and I wanted to believe him for the sake of my little girl, but now I don't , and my reasons for cutting off his contact with her isn't about being spiteful it's about keeping her safe.
      Things aren't always so cut and dried.

    • @Napoli I meant sometimes when they happen this is the scenario that occurs

  • Depends on who wants the divorce my friend mother want it a divorce from his dad and he no longer wants to spend time with his mom

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  • well here are the real rules of children and a parent and taking the child for themselves

    Exodus 21:16
    Anyone who kidnaps someone is to be put to death, whether the victim has been sold or is still in the kidnapper's possession

    so when i hear certain stories online about a man or women being killed for taking there child by court issue

    the only thing that comes to my mind is it's your own fault the only time
    the Bible allows it is when the person is abusing the family

    other then that IT IS MANDATORY THE PARENT TAKES CARE OF THE CHILD
    if you don't there will be a punishment so

    so if a women takes a child away from the father and he kills her too bad she should have read the rules

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  • yeah only in america

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  • Depends very much on the mom I think

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What Girls Said 11

  • It's not the denied access, she trashes the dad. Plus, a lot of women break the 'rules' and deny him access on purpose as much as they can, so they tell the kid he doesn't visit because he doesn't care...

    But the rules aren't real... the visitations schedules are just the bare minimum times the kid has to see the other parent. They can see them whenever they want, as long as both parents agree. So you're right it's because of bitterness usually.

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  • Normally the child is turned against their dad and then it sometimes goes to court so he's either not allowed to visit or only allowed so many visits. Most of the time the women wins even if she isn't fit to be a parent. I think a dad should only be stopped seeing his children if he is a risk to them.

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    • Totally agree with your answer. I wrote an opinion here where the dad got the custody and not the mother instead.

    • Show All
    • Well the child sounds like he would be better of with your cousin, I'm glad it worked out that way for him. Also sounds like a smart child

    • The mother was always a troubled lady anyway at the family never knew why my cousing end up with her in the first place when they started to dated, but we think my cousin was very much in love and hooked on her that he did not see beyond his eyes back then but also the lady when he was veyr young used drugs and was a drug addict but she later stopped using them and no longer use them but as a women and a mother she was always a bad influence, also she was a bit of philanderer herself.

  • my parents divorced when i was 8. but the courts didn't turn me against my father~ he did that all on his own.

    he cheated on my mom. but, even now, more than 20 years later, she refuses to say anything bad about him. she doesn't have a mean bone in her body... but he spent my childhood trying to split up our family and regularly said things like, "maybe i just won't take you home'.)

    yep, father of the year right here. /sarc.

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  • It's up to the parents to not involve the kids in their issues. It's also up you bathe parents to show a United front in demonstrating their love of the child.

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  • Yes, definitely kids are turned against the father, it happens all the time. My friend actually just learned about the lies his mother told about his dad, and now he's cutting her out of his life because of it :/

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  • It does happen. One of my relatives hasn't been allowed to see his daughter for 5 years and as far as I know he was a very good father.

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  • Depends on the moms really. But to me it's unfair. If the reason I didn't work out with my husband was between me and him no reason to make my child feel like they have to choose or favour one and not both.

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  • It happens, but I wouldn't say it's the norm.

    People really need to be more careful about who they choose as partners and who they have children with... if the person you're with has a vengeful streak, maybe don't breed with them? Just a thought?

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    • Before anyone jumps on me here - this happened to my cousin so it's not like I am speaking as a total outsider or with rose tinted glasses pretending women are never vindictive cunts.

      BUT, the reality is everyone saw right through his wife from the beginning... the whole damn family told him she was a nasty person and it probably wouldn't end well... but he didn't listen and went ahead, married her and had four friggin kids with her anyways... and whaddya know? A couple years after the youngest was born she suddenly wanted a divorce and ran him through the ringer, filling the kids' heads with bullshit and claiming he was an alcoholic.

  • I don't know, I didn't read the description of the question, so I couldn't find out

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  • My parents were divorced. My dad gave up his rights because he didn't want me and didn't want to pay his 50 bucks in child support. My mom didn't fill my head with lies, he told me he didn't want me and would ignore me if he seen me because of his new family. My mom blamed herself for my dad leaving and kicking us out. She didn't turn me against him, I still spent many hours crying because I wanted my dad. Now I have him back and he hasn't changed. My dad's a very shitty person. He's all forms of abusive behavior. It just depends on the situation but this is mine.

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    • That's upsetting to read let alone to live it. Maybe, one day, he'll realise the error of his ways.

    • The damage is done. I'm uncomfortable around him because the abuse. But thank you

  • You're talking about Danielle Lloyd and Jamie O'hara?

    It's HIM that needlessly laid it all out social media when he could have kept it private, him that sent his new girlfriend of a couple of weeks to pick up his kids because he was too hung over from the night before to do it himself ( he didn't lose his car keys. come on. That's a pathetic excuse - a premiership footballer can't afford a taxi? ) and him who left those kids to spend weeks in the big brother house. Was he thinking about how having sex on national television would affect his family then?

    ... but don't let that get in the way of woman bashing so many girls on this site love to do!

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    • As I said in the question, I am using their case purely as an example. We are unlikely to ever know the variables of everything that has happened between them. Him being right. Her being right. Him being wrong. Her being wrong. As with most public cases, we get the outside sketch of what is happening.

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