Bad break up, how do I deal with it?

I work at the same company as my ex girlfriend. I caught her cheating with this other guy. And now she seems to be tarnishing my reputation at work I've been getting dirty looks from everybody at work her boss, coworkers, even coworkers in my own department haven't been looking at me the same way.

I talked to another girl who went to human resources because her ex also at work was annoying her. And they told her as long as there's no harassment or threats they can't do anything about "gossiping" - people are going to be people and talk.

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  • I will assume that this is a job that you don't want to leave. Obviously, the easiest solution is to find another job (and that is the absolute best solution) but I do understand that some jobs cannot be easily replaced.

    She is apparently spreading rumors about you. Have you done anything for which others would judge you harshly? If you want to stay and you want to combat the rumors, I see three ways you can do this.

    1. Go to her and confront her about spreading rumors. Tell her that if it doesn't stop immediately, you will "fight fire with fire" and drop a few hints to people about her indiscretions. . . and you promise that the things you say will be as truthful as the things she has said.

    2. Start spreading rumors about you. If you do this directly, it will appear that you are just trying to get revenge on her, so you will need to enlist the aid of a trusted friend. Tell the friend that you want him to discreetly let a few other people know - the known gossip mongers - that you caught her cheating with a co-worker. Don't reveal the name of the co-worker. When the others ask your friend who her other partner was, have him say, "He wouldn't even tell me if it was another guy or a girl."

    This is clearly an extremely dirty tactic and I don't give this my highest recommendation on the basis of ethics and morality, but it may be effective.

    3. Go to your immediate supervisor and discuss the problem with him or her. Let your boss know that the girl was cheating on you, got very angry about being caught, and you suspect that she is spreading lies about you. Your boss will probably talk to her boss and the word will probably get around about what happened.

    This situation is a poster child for the rule about not dating co-workers. Experience is a harsh mistress and this is a very difficult way to learn a lesson, so I hope you will learn it well.

    Good luck!

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    • Everyone loves me at work but the same with her she is well liked as well. I wonder if people feel sorry for her because everyone knows she been married twice - divorced twice all at age 28. So that alone might make people feel sorry or suspicious I don't know

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What Girls Said 2

  • Ignore. Eventually something else will happen that will grasp everyone's attention.

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  • You can have a talk about it with your ex girlfriend.

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What Guys Said 2

  • hmm.
    give the reason to your head.
    tell every thing.
    and leave the job. if you can. or change the department.

    and do not get close to girl with whom the same thing is happening. you really don't what story people can make.

    never work at a place where no one respect you. trust me your are slowly killing yourself. now you are strong enough to write and ask this maybe one day you will very week from inside to even ask more questions.

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  • Don't bother trying to solve it in a social situation. Really all that will happen is she will twist you around and around and you will end up worse off than when you started. Women just have a far better understanding of how to manipulate people and social situations than guy's. I wasn't in the exact same situation but very similar, basically I lost most of my friends. I kept a couple because I was brutally honest with them about the situation and they hadn't been persuaded by her yet. After that I just put my head down and worked. My social life and work life don't mix much now.

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    • Mine can manipulate but she's a very bad liar.

    • Help!!!

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