I ended the relationship a few days ago because there were too many fights and misunderstandings. We've together for 2 years and during that time, there was some abuse (punching, kicking, choking, calling names, insults, etc.) and it became overall toxic and depressive. I know it's good that I got out of it, but I still think that maybe it'll change and it'll work out. As of the moment, I might be clouded with emotions of missing him and all, but I keep thinking maybe I should accept him the way he is even with the abuse. It's not good, nor is it healthy, but I still love him and want him in my life.
I just need someone's advice and opinion and a little push to which direction I should go. And if you think there's hope that he or our relationship can change, even just a bit.
Most Helpful Guy
You dont love him. Loving and having feelings are not the same thing and your situation is the proof. The reason you dont love him is that you wouldn't love a guy who constantly hurts you. You hate him for it, if that wasn't the case you would not have left.
Now here is where it gets interesting, knowing you dont love him you still feel strongly for him. Your still very attached which makes you want to go back. Ill help you get rid of this but the results won't be instant.
The first step is knowing that love and feelings can go hand in hand but are not the same. Imagine the kind of love you probably share with your family, you likely love them for who they are and you probably got a bond with them. That is love, although not on a romantic level. Whats absent from that are the feelings you are feeling right now for him. Take it as proof its not the same.
The second step is knowing these feelings can be tied to anything or nothing. Yes, they can just be there. While its possible they are tied to him its also possible they are tied to your memories of him or are there fir no reason at all. To test this take a look at one of his pictues when having mild feelings, did they increase and did you get pleasant thoughts? Tied to him. Got angry instead? There is a lot of pain accociated. Nothing happened? No feelings in play.
If the above had no effect your already over him, your just still having leftover feelings caused by the released chemicals in your body. If it did its time to start conditioning your mind with thought control. Dont supress him from popping up in your mind but think about why you wanted to leave rather then fantasize how the happy ending be like. We both know he womt change so dont feed your feelings with an unrealistic fantasy.
After doing these 3 you should have succesfully moved on. I can't tell you how long it will take but dont assume its not working if you had no effects the first few days.
Best of luck and if you need more help feel free to pm and ill be a listening ear.0
Most Helpful Girl
No. Love does not compensate for you to return back to an abusive situation. You love from a far overall but the romance must end. What you need really are therapy and self-evaluation. You are 16 years old. You should not be having this kind of issue at your age. This is a time for development or else you're going to have to stay out of dating until you're are 18, in college or out the house. Any problems you're having should be directed to your parents or a trusting adult. You are who you attract. If he is abusive, double check yourself to make sure you're not abusive because I'm sure you are in some ways if not all. And many of us, if not all of us have some type of abusive tendencies and it doesn't always have to be physical or just emotional. You may have feelings for him, but as another user have said which is true, you don't love him. Because you don't love yourself to get away from him. You can't expect your situation to change if you done change first.0