I want to take things slow but I also want to talk to other people too without being disrespectful towards our exclusivity. How do I say it?

We rushed it & i want to take a step back w/o losing him. Does this message sound fine?

"Hey, I know we've only been talking for a little bit. You said you wanted to take things slow but we both agreed to not see other people. I'm sorry I was ever insecure, I had no right to be And I promise I won't be insecure with you anymore. I know that once a girl is insecure, she makes things worse for both her and her guy. It causes a rift. You said you wanted a female who will support you in your own personal development and I want a male who will do the same. I don't know you yet, but what I do know is that you are very funny, religious, extremely creative and family oriented and I DO know that I want to get to know you even more. You made me laugh, and the conversation flowed so much easier when there wasn't the whole pressure of being exclusive. We were basically just people getting to know each other and it was fun. I love talking to you, and I don't want to lose that at all. You said you wanted to take things slow but we both agreed to not see other people. Tbh, I'm not talking to any guys except for you right now. I don't really want to see other people but you, however, taking things slow means seeing what your other options are. You want to grow personally, so you have to keep your options open always and the pressure of being exclusive tears away from that opportunity. I'm proposing that we take a step back and get to know each other without the pressure of being focused on just each other. i'm not saying I want to end this, in fact, that's not what I want at all. I'm just saying that this affair went too fast from the beginning. We both know that we're not ready to commit, but if you really want to get to know each other, I propose that we get to know each other as friends first. If you want to take me out on a date sometime, I will agree upon it, and if you don't, then there's no pressure because we're just friends. That idea in itself sounds very easygoing. "


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What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like a terrible idea to me.

    • Why? I mean, is it wrong to just take a step back and get to know each other as friends without the pressure of staying exclusive? I feel like making it exclusive TOO quickly is what made things worse. You can't have a relationship without trust and trust is earned through friendship, right?

    • No. when you like each other the friendship is a fake charade. You're hiding so much from one another. Besides which being friends is so easy it doesn't compare to actually being in a relationship.

      Not getting exclusive quickly is something that people casually fucking do. It lets them keep enjoying casual sex. It keeps things relaxed because they're getting laid all over the place.

      If people aren't doing that it can't stay relaxed. If they don't feel a desire to move things forward something is wrong.

      Yes becoming a couple adds pressure. It's reality. It also allows for far more emotional intimacy. Early relationships are about seeing how you two as a pair cope with that pressure and whether your needs are well aligned. Trying to be friends is just keeping a fake casual audition going and would tell you less in 6 months than a week together would.

      Besides which if stepping back is easy that's a huge red flag.

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