Are my reasons understandable?

I'm feeling doubt and it hasn't been 24 hours since my decision. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months. We've had a few bumps along the way, but our relationship has been without arguments or any fight what-so-ever.

The reason I broke things off was I felt things were becoming unfair. & I've realized that our love were two different types. I love him, but not the same way he loves me. He loves me for me as his girlfriend, but I love him as my friend. Hardly anything romantically.

For the past month things have been difficult, but now I see why I've felt hesitant going further with our relationship. Every time, he told me he loved me, it felt awkward because my love for him was only as a friend.

Maybe I'm confusing myself. As he was my first boyfriend.

I'm feeling doubt, I'm not sure if it was the best decision. But now I have to stand by what I've done.

I feel like an awful jerk. I've hurt him. I've broken his heart. I made him cry. & I hurt myself by doing so. I'd rather sacrifice my feelings to make him not feel as such.

I'm looking for outside perspectives. Any would be of help. I'm assuming it's natural to feel guilty?

As my first break up, is there anything I should be cautious of? Any post-break up advice would be nice.

Share your thoughts.

All comments appreciated.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I find myself as the guy of your situation with my first girlfriend and love who broke it off with me 2 months ago. And she went the route of trying to be my friend and support for getting over her (wtf was she and I thinking... oy). But the end result of the story is I still felt like she was still with me since we talked alot, and then she absolutely shredded my heart to pieces when she regaled me with stories of her sexual romps with guys just because it's fun and the fact that she was dating 4 guys at the same time. FREAKING OUCH.

    For the love of all that is holy, do NOT try and be friends with him right away. It will only prolong his pain and halt his healing. And do your best to not flaunt any new guys or sexual encounters or anything of that nature in public mediums that he may have access to. This is of course based on the fact that you still care about the fact that he is pain. The best thing you can do for him is to let him get over you and in time if he finds he still wants to be your friend, let HIM contact you.

    As for you, what you did for yourself was honestly the smartest thing you could have done (no matter how much pain he, and i, have gone through in this type of situation). The end result is that you did not make this worse by staying in for longer and then coming to the same conclusion only with larger cards at stake. Your own feelings are the most important things in your life, and you should not feel bad for doing your best to get what makes you happy. It sucks for myself and your guy, but we will have to deal with it. Feeling bad for him is good, it shows you really do care, but in the end, we need to hold some level of selfishness in life or we could potentially live miserable lives.

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    • I can assure you, I'm not about to go and be friends automatically tomorrow... I know it's not going to be that simple, my boyfriend's ex did that and I had to deal with her. Any who... As for the sexual romps, I'm a very private person, so I'd rather keep such under wraps.

      Thank you! I appreciate the honest answer, especially the bit about letting him do the contacting. I probably would have broken that 3 months down the road...

      We talked today for closure, and decided space is best.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • you can't be friends. he can't be in your life that is selfish to the next man. good luck

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What Girls Said 2

  • Tough situation. If you ended it in a kind way telling him that it had more to do with you and your feeling you've absorbed a great deal already...And you did make the right decision for both of you. You don't want him drug along believing there's more going on than there is...You showed him a mature kindness, that I doubt he can see just yet. I can't say I blame him, we all feel terrible when someone breaks up with us but it is a part of the process that we all have to experience...When you see him next be sure to give him a kind smile and a hug if he'll allow it. Be kind not to rub your next boyfriend in his face...Though he is going to handle it his own way...All you can do is be mature and kind...We all recover eventually...It's likely he'll want to talk about it with you at some point because he "won't understand what went wrong" kind of thing. Do so if you feel it will help him but keep in mind that you don't want to give him false hopes, which he will latch onto easily, so you need to be kind yet stand your ground, if you choose to speak with him that is...You'll know what to do...Best of luck. Cheers!

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  • you can't help it if you don't feel the same towards him as he does towards you. and it would be horrible to lead him on and pretend you did. you definitely did the right thing and have nothing to feel guilty about. he will get over it and hopefully you can feel better for not prolonging it because the longer you wait the worse it gets. you did him a favor! and you were honest with yourself.

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