My fiancé is 46 years old and I'm 21, we've been together for over a year. I've noticed even more since we moved in together that he doesn't like going out to public places with me. If anyone makes a slight comment about our age difference, he'll be upset the rest of the day. One time we were at a park and he told me that I shouldn't be so affectionate in public. I tried talking to him about it, but he says everything is fine. As of lately he seems to be more jealous. I take care of myself and look pretty for him, but just a few weeks ago he told me that I don't need to go to the gym anymore. Maybe he doesn't want me anymore and he'd rather be with someone closer to his age. The more I try the more upset he seems. When it's my turn to cook, I make his favorites. I also bought some lingerie to surprise and we had a great night, but when I suggested to go out the next day he accused me of not wanting to be alone with him. I really need some advice on how to make this better. The wedding is in 3 months and I'm having doubts. How can I save my relationship or should I give up?
I think my fiancé is embarrassed by our age difference. What do you guys think?
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What Guys Said 14
- mrinalashesh0076 Xper mho 22%
I don't think he wants to save this relationship.. he instead wants you to be his fuck girl.. and get lost girl! Why has he moved in with u in the first place doesn't makes any sense to me..
46-21.. the difference is 25 long years.. when u r 45 he will b 70!! Think bout it babe.. you don't just need to be crazy in love... but hv to think about practical implications as well.. try n understand m not accusing you but this doesn't seem right atm.. Three months.. still a chance is there.. talk to him what he wants really.. you can marry him but then you won't be happy at all.. think again..32|10|1- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
We do have happy moments and he has introduced me to his family and friends, but it's just that he's embarrassed of being judged by the people that see us when we go out. Maybe he's too self conscious, do you think that's a sign that he doesn't love me anymore?
- mrinalashesh0076 Xper
Its a sign that he doesn't want to see u anymore.. he ain't ok with this.. so i guess.. u hv to break up
- RedHood75 Xper mho 11%
1-He's afraid of being cheated on.
2-He's afraid of how people will perceive you two.
3-He's afraid of not being enough.
At least 2 of the 3 are correct in my opinion.11|00|0- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
Is there something I could do to help him with to fix my relationship? I'm open to suggestions
- RedHood75 Xper
@KaseyRouqe I'd be straight up honest. Ask if he's embarassed of you. He'll want to take care of you and that should create a moment of empathy. But dont be aggressive, be kind and a bit sad. Use that moment to ask if he's afraid of anything, tell him you love him and that you wanna solve whatever is happening.
I think it's gonna be tough to get him to talk and be open, specially because of fear of rejection, but Im confident this is the right direction.
- Snappyrofl3 Xper mho 32%
all sounds like he's having some insecurities as far as the age obviously. Because maybe he feels like he's holding you back because you are so young. or maybe he's just worried that you're going to find somebody your own age and run off with that person because you may have more time with them rather than him because of his age. He's just insecure and that's the only thing that can really get from what you said here. there's not a lot of ways to make him feel secure all the way you've been doing and I imagine that he doesn't why you going to the gym because you might meet somebody there or maybe he doesn't like going out alone with you because he feels insecure about the age difference. pretty sure it's both at this point but same time I would try to talk more about the thoughts that you're having.
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- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
Is there a way that you think will help him not be so insecure? I'm pretty sure I make it obvious that I find him attractive and I try to take an interest on what he likes.
- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
@Ibrahiem I already tried to get him to couples therapy but he says we're fine. And when the argument starts getting heated he'll just kiss me and apologize and he won't continue the conversation after.
- Ibrahiem2 Xper
well from what you say he loves you but couples therapy isn't needed he is right. He needs a psychiatrist for himself a man's demons can make him do things he never thought he'd do. you can't look at it as a couples problem it's his past and what he has grown up with that maybe the problem now the love you guys share.
- Kurodo7 Xper mho 11%
maybe he's just one of those types who later in their life hate going out so much and breaking their routines. what im saying is go get some gal pals and have a night out or something, if he gets angry at that well thats a whole other ballpark... definitely gotta clear up your worries with him though, never be afraid to get an answer! cause communication with your lover is important.
11|00|0 - Ibrahiem2 Xper mho 16%
look at it from his perspective, he is 46 , out of his prime, he feels insecure because he may think that you will leave him for someone your own age. he from what you have said is embarrassed about his own age and hasn't come to terms with his age. he feels his age to be a burden. He must also feel like everyone is watching him like "oh look at this old man with that young girl , she must have been in diapers when he was young" kind of thing. it's complicated. And some times that complication isn't worth it for both sides. I'm not sure how to fix the situation as I don't know you and him but if you guys truly in love then you will get through it. it could also be that he maybe in over his head. maybe the thought of marriage is scary to him because of a past experience? marriage should never be rushed if things don't feel right it's always okay to move the date back a couple more months even a year just so the dust settles and neither of you feel like your being choked.
11|00|0- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
Thanks I think I'll talk to him about maybe postponing the date. Hopefully it's just that and he won't get upset.
- Deadfish4 Xper mho 14%
He feels insecure
Maybe because he feels he will lose him
Try to make him comfortable and all the best for your life ahead00|00|0- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
How can I do that? I try to show him that I love him. I've stopped being so affectionate in public (he doesn't mind when we're alone or with friends and family). I also try not to pry but sometimes it's frustrating that he makes me feel unwanted when we go out.
- Deadfish4 Xper
Tell him what u feel in every way you can
If he still doesn't understand then tell him that if I can fight the society for u then why u cannot just support me
If this goes on happening the best for you is to think once more of your decision of marrying him
Its ur life, if you care for him but u don't get it back
You should think once more about your decision
- IntraluminalGuru mho 14%
That's a really big age difference...
11|00|0- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
I know, but is it really that big of a deal? Do you think it's ok that he feels embarrassed?
- Show AllShow Less
- IntraluminalGuru
I don't believe in shame in love. Love shamelessly. Are you planning on having kids?
- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
No I work child protection services and you see a lot of bad things happen to children in the system. I'd rather not have kids. He doesn't mind either.
- IntraluminalGuru
First, what you see in CAPS is in no way a reflection of the real world. If you don't plan on having children then this marriage is terrible for you.
- IntraluminalGuru
I don't think that marriages without children will fail. I have been in a marriage with a large age difference, and without children you are left with almost nothing. I will discuss it in PM if you want.
- IntraluminalGuru
Basically, if you have kids, you at least have them as your partner ages into stages of their life that are very different from yours. If you don't have kids, then you are in a sense alone, with someone whose concerns, abilities, and limitations are so different from yours that you have little to share except memories.
- IntraluminalGuru
Not that memories aren't wonderful, but they don't replace an ongoing life together.
- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
Oh ok I see what you mean I'm starting have less and less hope in saving my relationship.
- IntraluminalGuru
Yeah. Sorry, but it's just too large a difference. Great for having a bunch of kids, since. he can probably afford them now, but without that, the difference is just to big. In 10 years he will be looking forward to retirement while your career will have changed several times and you will be gaining more and more authority.
- IntraluminalGuru
Obviously, I cannot tell the future. things could go spectacularly well, but it would take some luck and a lot of work and commitment and flexibility from both of you.
- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
So do you really think he's embarrassed by me? Isn't wrong that he is and I'm not.
- Anonymous
People will automatically assume he's "an old pervert" People judge and jump to conclusions with age differences like that. A lot will assume you're after his money to.
00|00|0- Truthatanycost9 Xper
You simply asking this question here is a big sign that the relationship is in serious trouble.
- Opinion Owner
@KaseyRouqe Go with how you feel and what you think. Don't let others rule your life. If you're happy, don't worry about what others think. As far as he goes, sit down and have a talk with him about it. Why he acts the way he does etc.
- Anonymous
I wouldn't want to be seen with a woman who could be my daughter, except at Starbucks or similar.
00|00|0 - Anonymous
confessionsofakrobogirl.files.wordpress.com/.../img_3192.gif
When you are digging gold why worry about the morals00|00|0- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
Yup that's the type of comments that bother him. I don't know why some people are like you; so judgmental without knowing the circumstances. I graduated college at 20 and work full time. I have no debt and split bills with my fiancé since we moved in together. If I wanted a sugar daddy, I wouldn't worry about my relationship I'd just marry him as soon as possible.
- Opinion Owner
Actually I intentionally went anonymously and posted that opinion, and was expecting you to get pissed then started by placing my actual opinion with solution bringing things to conclusions,..
😂😂😂 but your response totally fucked up my opinion.
Well you didn't get pissed which means you are not gold digger.
Cure - honestly you cannot change the way the world thinks, however you can change the way people in your circle think, you need to be an alpha lady, own and run things. Socially don't always let him lead, so people will know you are capable,
Open business loops which you run which proves to society that you don't actually need him, you want him.
Objective : Prove to society ' You don't need him, but your want him'.
- Anonymous
How old does he look?
00|00|0- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
Late 30s or early 40s people can tell there is an age gap. But I don't see why it bothers him so much.
- Opinion Owner
Everyone cares what other people think to some extent. Maybe he is the type to care too much. However, with such an age gap, you will be at different places in life. Also, if he ever needed advice or serious emotional support, how would that work? I'm basing this on how most of the girls your age are that I know but there are always exceptions.
If you want to better understand, just reverse the situation. Imagine you were his age and he was your age. - KaseyRouqe5 Xper
I definitely understand that we both have to support each other. But maybe he thinks that we're too unequal. Maybe we are and I'm too oblivious about it. Thanks for your input.
- Anonymous
I would actually like it. I am 36 and I would very much like to have an 18 year old girlfriend that is still in high school.
I like that it bothers some people and I would enjoy rubbing it in their faces.00|00|0- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
I don't want my relationship rubbed on people's faces, I just wan him to want me as much as I do him whether in public or private.
What Girls Said 5
- peachblossomluckGuru mho 18%
He's an insecure douchebag. He should be doing everything he can to deserve a young bride but instead is being a jerk about it. If he can't handle being your fiance, how is he supposed to handle being your husband? You should not have to do anything here. YOU aren't doing anything wrong. It's his problem.
32|10|0- Show AllShow Less
- peachblossomluckGuru
I'm not sure what brought you together in the first place? This man is around my age, old enough to know better not to behave like this! If I had a young partner, I would not treat them this way. Really, he would be proud I should think?
- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
Well he's very caring and kind most of the time. He and I used to have very open conversation. He has a good sense of humor and when he looks at me I feel hot all over. But in public I feel unwanted. Also today he tried to stop me from going to the gym again. We still talk a lot but he avoids any topic about our issues,. He listens well to everything else and never makes me feel silly about othe issues no matter how small they are. My confidence is slipping whenever we go out.
- Sha849 Xper mho 8%
he should have understood that when starting to date someone less than half his age. is not uncommon in taiwan for rich old men to have young girlfriends. especially western expats with Asian girlfriend.
11|00|0 - Chanel19819 Xper mho 18%
Unfortunately this is a problem that won't go away so if it really bothers you both it's probably best not to get married.
11|00|0 - lovelyhoneybones9 Xper mho 12%
If he's embarrassed of your age difference, why would he have purposed to you in the first place? It could just be due to males getting a lot of shit for liking younger women. Though I would not be with someone who is ashamed of our relationship.
00|00|0 - Anonymous
So when you are 41.. he will be 86. Do you really want to be married to an old man like that? Could you imagine having sex with him then?
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- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
Well when I'm 41 he'll actually be 66 and so far the sex is really good. As for the future I hope it will still be good
- Opinion Owner
I have a friend... he is 54 years old. His wife is 72. He was 28 and she was 46 when they got married. For the past two years... his wife has had dementia. He has no life now... but tending to her. To me that is sad.
- KaseyRouqe5 Xper
I get your point and I'll keep it mind. It's something I've always thought about that since he and I started getting serious. We've planned things out but I know some things are unpredictable.
- Opinion Owner
Well you might want to think about this long and hard. This is why I only date men around my age. The man I am with now is 2 years older than me... we can grow old together.
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What are your thoughts when your Ex gets married?

How do you think I can get him to talk? He usually changes the subject very passively or kiss me and get me distracted. When he is unable to distract and I confront he'll just tell me he doesn't want to fight and drops the subject.