Should the past stay in the past?

I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for the past four years. Things have been very rocky. We have been having a lot of problems and we even have broken up a few times. Recently I have been talking to my ex. I just found out that he has a son and the mother of his child is a psycho. He doesn't want to be with her. He actually still has feelings for me. I have to admit that I do still have feelings for him as well. Recently I had added him as a friend on face-book and the other girl flipped and threatened that he wouldn't see his son anymore unless he took me off his friends list. If she starts going crazy just because I was a friend on his face-book page then who knows what she will do if we were to actually go out. My boyfriend now keeps swearing up and down that he's going to change and things will be better but I feel like in time things will just get rocky again. I don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend but I feel I still have some unfinished business with my ex. What would you do?


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What Guys Said 1

  • First of all, you're not very specific about what issues you and your current boyfriend are having. However, if you're breaking up and getting back together multiple times that is never a good sign. Is this someone you can really see yourself with for the rest of your life? It doesn't sound like it anymore to me, but again I'm outside looking in.

    Next, why did you and your ex break up in the first place? Relationships end for a reason and often those reasons reappear when people try to rekindle things (look at your current relationship ending and starting over and over). You know better than me, but it almost sounds like you and your ex are both looking for the comfort of your past relationship. Him to escape his current situation with the girl/kid and you to escape your current "rocky" relationship. If this is the case then things won't last with your ex, this is just a quick fix.

    Also, your ex has a kid now with another woman. That is an 18-year (at least) responsibility he has with this other woman. Are you prepared to have her in your life for the next 18 years? Think about that one hard, it can be a sobering thought.

    Honestly, if I were you I would strongly be considering option c) none of the above. Why is it only between your current boyfriend and your ex? There are tons of guys out there that could make you happy and not bring the baggage/problems that these two bring.

    • My current boyfriend is very lazy. We have been together four years and three out of the four I have been the only one with a steady income. Yes he has had a job here and there but I have been the main one paying all the bills, buying all the food, etc. He just likes to sit around and play video games all day. And if I was to ask him to take down the trash or clean the dishes there would always be an argument. I feel like he's my son more than my boyfriend.

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