How to get over his new girlfriend and the way he ended things?

so I was in love with this guy for four years. he was my world, my best friend. even though the range of emotions we experienced were via an online long distance relationship, his presence in my life was very strong and very real. during the last couple of months with him we would always argue about how he did not spend enough time with me online. he would say he was so busy and by the time he got home he was too tired and sleepy to hang out with me till dawn like we once used to. 1 month or so ago we had a big fight and then we made up the next day apologizing and everything seemed okay. however, after that he disappeared. *poof*. I at first thought that he was pulling one of his disappearing acts when he takes a break from the computer but as the weeks went on and he kept being a no-show, I realized his prolonged absence might be his attempt at dumping me. yesterday morning I saw pictures of him on fb so happy with his new real life girlfriend. I can't breathe. I was vaguely aware of the girl's presence in his life during our last tumultuous months "together" but I couldn't have imagined that he may have been interested in her while half heartedly stringing me along. I am crushed and heart broken and I hurt oh so much. funny thing is, I was always clear to tell him that if he were ever to find himself interested in someone in his real life to let me know. so that I could move on properly. and he promised reassuring me that he would never ever do that.


a big part of me wants closure. I want to know why he ended things the way he did. why he couldn't owe me the decency to come up and tell me he had found someone else? why did he cruelly leave me hanging in uncertainty and confusing on this end while he was off frolicking with this other girl on his end?

furthermore, the image of her with him is seared into my mind. it sickens me. I can't believe she will be with someone I loved and imagined a reunion with for the past couple of years of my life. all his sweet words and gestures will now belong to her. was I so easy to replace? just something to distract himself with until someone real came along and showed him interest?

please help. I feel like I'm drowning.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I can sympathize. While I still was able to see my ex on weekends, a lot of our relationship of a year and a half was via online communication. When she broke it off, all she gave me was she no longer loved me, no reasons as to why or how. I felt like that was not anything close to closure.

    I think that the heavy dependence of online communication with her over the course of a year and a half is what makes this recovery process difficult. So I can only begin to imagine how you must feel. You, like me, probably sit at your computer hoping that someone talks to you, that that special someone comes back and picks things up again. Or drops you a message. It's a terrible dependence because it seriously impedes our ability to heal by going out and socializing or seeing friends because we just want to stay and wait for that message that will never come (I could be wrong here, but I'm just assuming that you're more or less like myself. sorry if that's not true).

    And the moving on so easily and readily, that's a HUGE killer. Hearing that your ex is dating or sleeping around, that's a pain that kicks you in the gut while you're already lying on the floor gasping for air. What you need to do is not try and squelch the thoughts and feelings away, but to distract your mind with something else that does not allow you to focus on those bad thoughts. I've found comfort in rewatching old shows and reading these questions/other forums in trying to not think about my ex. And for the love of all that is holy, do NOT check any of his social networking pages. It will ruin any healing efforts you make, I know this from excruciating first hand experience. Defriend, unfollow, or if you HAVE to like I just did this morning, block those sites out completely from your computer until you can move on.

    Take solace in the fact that there are people out there going through the same thing as you, and that there are also guys out there that will treat you the way you deserve. I promise you that he is out there. PROMISE. But until then, please take care of yourself. Spoil yourself, nurture yourself, and rediscover yourself and what makes you happy. And drop me a message if you want to talk about it some more. Hang in there!


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