(How to) Get back together with my ex boyfriend?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We lived together, talked about getting married some day and have children, so it was quite serious. During our relationship some things happened and we grew apart. 3 weeks ago we mutually ended the relationship, but I have changed my mind and want him back.

So instead of the No Contact-rule (of which I wasn't really aware, I am hardly a break-up expert) I told him straightforward that I wanted to sort things out and try to get back together because I felt I made a mistake. He feels it's the right decision for us to break up because of all we have been through. He doesn't feel we can ever work that out and have a chance of successfully getting back together. So he's actively moving on but wants to stay friends as we might continue to see each other occasionally. However: one day he tells me he doesn't WANT to work things out and has no feelings for me whatsoever and the next he claims that he DOES want to work things out but just feels it would be in vain anyway seeing the arguments and fights we can't seem to work out (I feel we can work them out). Right now I'm aware that he really doesn't want to get back together, I know him well enough to know what if he's into me, he'll let me know. I have never ever had to guess how he felt about me.

However, I do think that time heals all wounds. I know what I could and should have done better. I don't want to make this into a stalking, stage5 clinger project, but I could see us ending up back together in the (near) future because we did have real chemistry. He's not ignoring me and we still talk every now and then, though I told him a couple of days ago I needed some space and time to heal.

I don't know how to handle this very uncertain situation: should I remain a friendly, but somewhat distant contact and build up some trust again leading to possibly a new relationship? Or should I keep my distance and 'let him be', even though I feel we have the same goals in life?


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • If he is not ready to start it again then my opinion is to leave him alone. I don't know what's the matter but still i am saying that to leave him alone. i think that he had adjusted a lot for u. My be the pressure in the relationship lead him to the break up forever. Its better to stay away from him if he have no intention to start it again. There is chance that u two can start it again, but not fresh.
    If u guys start it again, I don't know wether u guys can make it up without mixing the older mistakes that u guys had made while working on that relationship. If u have the faith then u can start it again if he is willing to start it again.

    Now, Just keep some distance between u two and wait for it to happen. If he is avoiding u and then it leaves a sign that don't need u anymore.
    Rethink before u take a decision. Just make sure about what u say every time. Sometimes it hurts the other other person so badly. Life is all about adjustments. anyone of u have to pull out for the success of a relationship. Make a vow that u won't argue with him without rethinking. The aftereffects will be severe if u don't act properly at an instant. Its what that is happening to u rn.

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    • I think that's a guy/girl thing. I love him a lot and I profoundly care for him. I don't think people are that disposable. Of course I know I'll find another love but that's not what it's about. Sometimes we meet someone who'll become so important in our lives and I'm the kind of person who wants to fight for that someone. Maybe guys move on easier because they're not as invested as women are. Even though I know my next love could be better, I still fight for this one if he'll let me, because I care too much and he has been important to me for the last 3 years. So if there's a way, I'll do it.

What Girls Said 1

  • I'm not going to be one of those people who say don't get back with an ex because I'm actually currently dating an ex. It is so much better now than the first time. Sometimes stress from other parts of your life can come in & harm the relationship. I say give him his space but definitely remain friendly when he reaches out to you. Allow him to reach out first a majority of the time and when the two of you are speaking, make him remember that chemistry the two of you have. It won't happen over night but if he still has feelings for you this will help with being together soon

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