Getting over a breakup when your ex is in the same friend group?

It's been a month or so from our breakup (He broke it off), and for those first 4 weeks or so, he would be hanging with his other friends during that time. While, for me I stayed where I was. The thing is, he came back into the group and he's pretending to act that nothing has changed. We were in a relationship for 2 years, and I would like to believe that we both loved each other. I think after 2 years of being his girlfriend, I could tell when he's faking a smile or not. So, when he came back into the group and we made eye contact, I could tell he had the most saddest eyes, and he looked miserable. I guess you could just say, I felt that he wasn't over it as well. Granted, after the breakup, he stated that he wanted to be friends again, but I told him that I wanted to let go of the notion of that. I didn't want that "friend" expectation give me false hope and security that it could be something more again. So, I took time, I blocked him, I planned days where I could avoid him, so then it gave me some time to heal, and I still need to heal unfortunately. I don't want to leave the group, because essentially I have no one else to talk to, at the same time, I don't want him to know how I'm doing. Am I mixing up my feelings because I still see him? Am I wrong about still thinking he's not over it? Should I apologize for hurting him because I said I was unsure about being friends? (I feel guilty for it). I'm lost, and no matter where I go, God really wants me to be near him, and it sucks. All I know is that it doesn't hurt as much now, but 100% I still don't want to talk to him and interact with him.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Why does your other friends also have to suffer your coldness? No, it's not enough to justify that you're just avoiding your ex, you are also avoiding them. They're your friends and friends will be there to protect you if awkward moments should come. Just talk to them clearly. They would be your first line of defence if "something" arise. Tell them to give you a hand and rescue you.

    With your ex, face it as a mature girl. Accept he is hurting. But set his expectation. Your relationship has changed now. If he really wants to be friends, then tell him don't burden you with his feelings and stop making things awkward. He is responsible for his own feelings so he better learn to move on fast.

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words. It's not that I've fully moved on, and it's not that I hate him, I want truly want to be civil in the end. Just recently he texted me, and he tried sending a contact request back. We unfortunately have a group project together, but in terms of that I only chat via group text about only the project. So, in your opinion, do I ignore those text and only respond to him for the group project and nothing else. I also don't want to bring my work down and my group down because of what happened. (Group of 5 members, forced assignment. I didn't get to choose)

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    • Thank you again for your advice and wisdom on the matter. You must be a really strong individual for taking on those challenges head on. Additionally, to see both sides of the matter on how people deal with heart ache is really interesting. I guess, thank you for teaching me that I'm not alone in this matter and that breakups happen for a reason. I know in my heart that I rather be alone, then with this person, I'll stick to my gut and move on at my own pace and mindset. Really, thank you! You truly made my day and I'm happy I have people kind enough to listen to my story!

    • lol. You're so gracious. Thank you. Wish you the best.

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