Am I weird for wanting happiness for my ex even though we were in a toxic relationship?

I've just came out of a toxic relationship, and I know 100% I do not want to get back with the person. The thing is, I still want the best for him and to see him happy makes me happy as well, but it sometimes stings from time to time. This person broke my heart way too many times and he was emotionally abusive, so is it weird that I want him to be happy?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Quite the opposite! I deeply admire you for this capability, because wishing somebody a bad life isn't gonna make yours better. Everyone has the right to be happy and your attitude is anything but selfish. Humanity needs more people with an attitude like yours, I mean that honestly!

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    • Awww, thank you so much. I don't think I can hate him. I went through a phase where there was resentment, don't get me wrong. But, that didn't last a while because it felt empty to hate on someone for doing something in the past. I'm now debating on if, I truly moved on or I never let go of the feeling. When I was going through post-breakup stage, I never let go of the thought that I loved him, I just told myself it was different, it was more unconditional. Like; "He is no longer in your life, he is an ex and your relationship was unhealthy. I still love him, but not the way it used to be, I want the best for him and I. " type of thing. It feels like I moved on, but maybe I'm mixing my feelings perhaps?

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    • Well, these two sentences for themselves sound awkward. xD
      So, what I meant was, I agree, breakups suck. But I'm confident you will get over it pretty well and for your future, I wish you the very best. ^_^

    • No no, it wasn't awkward whatsoever. I get what you're saying and I will get over it. Thanks ^__^

Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in a similar situation with an ex. And he's reached out to me a few times. I'd never get back together with him but I simply wish him the best. Because I got to know the soft side of him and truly get to know him as a person. He's a likable guy but he's way to over-protective, jealous, and has bad anger issues.. but I will always wish him the best. At one point I really loved him and he kept promising me he'd change but you can never expect anyone to change for you.. he has to learn on his own, so I left.

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    • Yeah, I know the feeling. Promises to change, but continued the same thing over again. Until, he broke it off 2 years in because he realized that he was hurting me. I knew too that it wasn't good. He wasn't a horrible person, I know that deep down he didn't want to hurt me and he's afraid of hurting me again, and I respect that he made that decision (I'm too soft to do so). It doesn't mean that all the things he done is something I'll let someone do to me again. He taught me that love is complicated and weird, it's going to be hard and that you can only change for yourself. But, you're so right! Thank you for sharing your story!

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What Guys Said 4

  • weird? (in the sense it is not common) probably. bad? i dont think so. if anything I envy you I can't be like that.

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    • I'm not quite sure myself, I'm told by my peers that I should hate him and never forgive him for all the shit he put me through. But, I don't think I have the heart to hate someone and wish their lives to be unsuccessful. I forgive him, but I know I won't be the one giving my heart to him anymore (The trust is somewhat gone) I was in a relationship with him for two years and even though it wasn't the best I knew at the time I loved him and I still do (Without the girlfriend title). I feel that if I see them unhappy, there is a sense of guilt that I've done that to him (even though I did nothing). Granted, there are some days where it hurts and there is a hint of jealousy, but I know that it was never meant to be. I guess, I feel bad when I see my ex upset, because ultimately I'm sure he feels the same for me, he wants us to be happy. I don't know. It's hard for me to hate in general. I'm worried that perhaps I haven't lost feelings for that person or that I have and I'm being different.

    • quite interesting. what you say makes sense. it is good that to break up and manage to be friends in fact they might always be someone that will know you better than anyone except your family. and if they loved you at your worst then they might be some good friends. try not to let that change you and forget your friends. worry on staying a good person or become a better person. good for you.

    • Thank you ^__^, I guess follow my heart and don't listen to what other people may say. I just felt weird because my friends say that I should be doing this, when I know It felt weird. I'm sure they just wanted to protect me, which I can appreciate. I promise I'll be myself and hopefully I can come out stronger and wiser.

  • I think it's great you want be the better person and see that he gets happiness even thou your relationship was toxic. I feel the same way for my ex girlfriends.

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  • No. you're just a good person who want people to have rhe best for themselves.

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  • first nervous your nice to want the best for him is ot because of somthing you have done absent what I here but my girlfriend left to never speak to me again She wants me to be happy but every time I said I was going out with another she wold freak andifomrie she had been cheating in two yes of our relationship so no its fine but how do you do want him to be happy no nothing wrong with having a hearton Fortunately people ' dont commit anymore or you still Love him and You arnt done Yet

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    • Don't get me wrong, of course it hurts from time to time to see the person move on and potentially find someone. And unfortunately, yes our relationship will never be the same like it used to be. I've learned that he loved me and I loved him too, the people we were at the time was something I could never forget, he taught me who I want as a companion. He was not it. Toxic relationships hurt like hell, he brought me down all the time, was overly jealous and he did a lot of shit that hurt me (knowing that he would hurt me). He wasn't perfect, and for heaven sakes I'm not either. But, I don't think I can hate him, and of course I'm not done yet. Feelings are complicated, the way we carry pain is complicated. But, I got into a relationship to make myself happy, not him (He did too). So when I want happiness for him, I guess I see it as a final good bye and thank you. Sometimes the world is cruel, but it doesn't mean he's unworthy of love and happiness, people can change, but for themselves

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    • and I'm sure Cole never herevfromvhercthecsanevexact quote con tumbler she doentblikecmevabd I don't no why she is so mean to me cause dhe. loons knows I a it I proved it and that's truly eho I am so now it's this I'm probably the cheay vim forced. Tonhöhe in she won't talk yo. meband she hussar tybil have to sit on the dark and die that's whatbxjecexpect butvdhecwill rim tobthecguyvthstbhss a woman my God what's wrong I love her she wontbyslk

    • kI can't take this I'm so hurt no one to even talk to I'm so I don't know I detail I don't wAZ nt to be here no more I love you and I'm do broken who can help me all alone

What Girls Said 2

  • That's great if you feel like that. It just shows that even though you do not want to get back with him, you've seem the good side of him in a relationship before, at a time. It shows that you have no hard feelings and are ready to move on.

    Imagine if someone you do not particularly like is in danger, and you can save them. To be the bigger person, you push your personal feelings aside and help them like you'd do with any other person.

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  • that s how love makes you feel

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