Do you think my ex boyfriend deserves some karma?

He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever, he then took my virginity and began to slowly treat me worse.
My head felt seriously messed up by him towards the end of the "relationship", he'd ring me telling me how sorry he was and that he never meant to hurt me, then he'd come see me, I felt vulnerable and wanted his love more than anything, we'd have sex and then he'd ignore me afterwards until the next time. I was left feeling completely used and he's shown no remorse, despite the fact I was a stupid naive 16 year old and he was 24.

After it happened, he told people that I'd cheated on him and tried to shift the blame from himself, basically trying to cover what he'd done and make me look bad. I feel like he stole a part of me. He now has a new girlfriend and I have a new boyfriend, but I still feel damaged about what happened and it makes me angry the fact that he's now happy, because I feel like he's left me with emotional scars just so he could satisfy his own selfishness.
My new boyfriend said that he could get some of his friends to scare my ex, not anything huge, but shake him up a little. I'm very tempted because I feel like he doesn't deserve to have no consequences for what he did. Also, he knows people that have done stuff like it before, so they know what they're doing.
So what would you do if you were in my situation?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd let by gones be by gones, because you don't know anything about his relationship or his life now aside from social media and stories. For all you know he's miserable. Or maybe he really is that happy. But you also don't know if he feels guilt or shame for the things he did. Maybe he's paying for it in other ways. Maybe his destiny is to be a shitbag and always will be a shitbag. You don't know and it's not your job to know. It's your job to make the best of your situation and improve what you can control.

    I don't respect guys that offer to go after ex boyfriends, because regardless of whether or not you're telling the 100% truth. He doesn't know that. He only knows what you tell him and what your ex did may or may not be wrong. Maybe he came by it honestly. It's irrelevant. What's important right now is that you are committing too much of your energy in your ex and he's got your headspace. Even if you "get him back" for what he did, nothing is going to change for you. You will still be where you're at emotionally. You may even begin to feel guilty for what you did down the road and feel even worse.

    Do yourself a favor and decide to act in a way that you personally can feel proud of when viewing yourself. "Forgive" him/let go of the negative emotions around your ex to the best of your ability. Deal with your own issues and let yourself move on. Moving on is dumping the bullshit. Not just being with a new person.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • hi there, i feel for you honestly and understand where you are coming from and how you express your feelings. these are yours and yours alone and no one here can effect that, you are justified and do what you will. however, firstly you were not naive, never were, he had the power over you and that does not make you naive. men of this kind of character will always prey on vulnerable people, its the only way its works easiest in their favour to control. they always blame others for everything, this rarely changes in a lifetime, you however have been through one experience and come out of it with a clever mentality and insight which is a gift for you to take with you your whole life, by shifting your view point just a little takes away the last of his power over you, be it in your mind only, by moving on and being happy with your life and have nothing but pity for him as such a selfish, mean soul removes you from the hurt he caused. his actions will have effects on his life he will not find a true compassionate unconditional love if he continues his behaviour. these kinds of people love to feel they still affect you so by removing yourself from him totally is the best thing you can do. See yourself as a soul who was and still is trusting and caring and thats where you have already achieved more than he, let it go, there is such a thing as a karma, what goes around comes around, this may sound difficult but every time you think of him and it creates a negative energy in you, stop and turn it around, im passed you, you have no power over me, i hope you find good in yourself, this is coming from experience and even if one little bit of this helps you ill be happy xx

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • I don't know where you are from, but that is called statuary rape where I'm from. Revenge is never the right thing to do. It makes you just as low as he is. I'd be more concerned that you new boyfriend thinks it's okay to have "his boys" do something like this. That's what gangs do and you never know what your ex will do afterwards. He can go to the police and you along with your new thug can be arrested and charged with several crimes. I know what he did to you was a terrible thing. I understand that it really hurt you to your core. I also understand wanting revenge, but it doesn't justify revenge. You need to take this as a life lesson and get past it. You are an adult now and have to deal with this as an adult. Life can be really hard on us sometimes, but you don't let it turn you into a bad person. I truly wish you the best.

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    • The age of consent where I'm from is 16, so no it wasn't rape. And my life goal isn't to necessarily behave the best I can, and that's why I don't think I'd really mind if I let this happen. Yeah my boyfriend has ties to some not so favourable people, but again I don't care. I just like him anyway.
      I'm not a bad person, I would never feel the need to do anything else frowned upon, but im just so tempted because I feel like he deserves it so much. It just feels like he needs at least some kind of consequence for leaving this with me.
      And if not this, then how do I move on? It's already been a significant amount of time, and I STILL feel upset and angry. And it's mainly because he hasn't had any punishment! Something needs to be done. I either need to let this happen, or I need to find a permanent way to feel better about the situation, and I have not yet found that, i have no idea how.

    • He does deserve to pay for his actions. I have no problem with that. My problem is that you will be putting yourself in the very possible position of paying for your crime. It is a crime your boyfriend is recommending. You will be complicit even though you weren't there. You sent them. Even if your boyfriend said it was him, you will still pay by association. To get past this, you need to remove anything from your life that keeps reminding you about it. It just keeps it fresh in your mind and makes it extremely hard to move on. You were extremely hurt and it takes time. Constant reminders just keep extending that time. Even though you don't realize it, having new boyfriends shows that you have progressed in moving on. I know you like this guy you are with, but if he really cares about you, he wouldn't be risking getting you in trouble with the police. Why would he other than to show what a tough man he is. That gets you nowhere. I hope you do the right thing for you.

  • Sorry to hear that this happened to you. Now you know why young girls of 16 or so should stay away from much older guys.
    To be honest, I would let it go. I know you are upset with what happened and he did use you, but lesson learned about sex and relationships. The kicker about it is that you, wanting love, kept hoping he would change, and he didn't. So you kept allowing him back.
    Best thing to do is to move on, read a book on getting over old hurts and learn to heal from it.
    Good luck.

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  • "Karma" is a silly thing, because it's no divine retribution, it's simply how things work; if you kick a dog, chances are that dog will bite you.

    That being said, you should not be the dog to bite back. 'tis more rewarding to go on living and amount to something more than a fly buzzing around a pile of shit.

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  • yes. do it. Anyone who does that actually deserves to get that and a lot worse. I am also getting a feeling that it would be clasified as rape in most countries if you were under 18

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  • the way i see it you both have blame to share. it was an agreement from you and him. if you didn't wabt the relationship you couldve said no at any point. love makes you do crazy things. in your case i think love and hope were driving you to him. hope that he would love you as you loved him. just forgwt about the past and learn from it. you have a new good thing going with your new boyfriend. just move on and cut your loses. learn from it... good luck.

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  • The short answer yes, but it's not your job to administer it.

    DO NOT let your friends do anything to your ex. Anything of that nature will eventually come back to bite you in the ass. Payback is never worth problems with the law.

    I feel for you, but for God's sake do not risk your or your friends futures just to get even with your ex. This situation calls for emotional maturity on your part. Let the Loser live his life and go on with yours.

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  • Yah that age is is fine if there not overv18 cuz a guy can Go to jail if a girl said he took advantage of you

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  • the best thing you can so is to take his new girlfriend into confidence and tell her that he used you for having sex... while you were having sex for love.

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  • yes. kick his ass or let karma do it

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  • um it makes you happy to know your boyfriend would hurt or scare your ex? doesn't sound very nice.

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  • What exactly is your boyfriend do to "scare" him? Looks like your man isn't that much of a good person himself

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  • I feel like he just used you, depending on were you from it's actually illegal for him to have sex with you since he's an adult and your not, but I would. just move on and don't fall for him again :-)

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  • i would move on

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    • I've been trying to, but I don't know how I can truly move on from something that has left such an impact, and knowing that he doesn't care about his actions makes it worse. I honestly hate him, I just don't see how him carrying on with his life and being happy is right, he's caused me a lot of hurt.

  • It's funny how girls still fall for that, no one will be with you forever and you should have learned that already.

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    • People can definitely want to be with you forever. I don't think that wad the problem, the problem i think is not sitting enough standards for yourself and getting carried bway with words before actions.

What Girls Said 12

  • God will punish him if you treat him nicely - God doesn't fight for you when you are willing to fight for yourself. I've actually had dreams about bad things happening to people who treated me poorly and in my dreams God told me he was punishing them for how they treated me.

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  • Dude, been there, done that. Forget him and work on bettering yourself. He'll regret it in the future believe me. Everyone deserves karma, good or bad, what you put out into the world will come back to you. Karma won't miss him trust me lol

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  • Getting revenge on him after this long shows you are childish and petty, especially in such a way, grow up.

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  • he deserves it. he needs to grow up and realize that his actions affect the people around him. He can't go around treating people like that and expect everything to be fine.

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    • Funny how you mention "grow up" when all she does is act like a petulant child.

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    • She is and adult NOW, what happened when she was younger is irrelevant in present time.

    • Good point

  • Definitely don't do it. It is bery immature, this way it shows he still has control over your life and thinking about him. Be the bigger person, live your life and be happy and let him go, that's the greatest revenge you can get.

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  • Revenge is never the answer the best thing to do is keep moving forward and work on your current relationship hope all goes well

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  • I would move on. There's some not so nice people in the world and fighting fire with fire is never the answer. Especially when something is so far in the past. Focus on building your relationship with your current boyfriend and enjoying the time you're spending with him. I don't care about your low life ex I just don't want you to let him keep negatively affecting your life in any way.

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  • Stop holding on to the past. Try and move on. I know how it is I've been messed around to the extreme too and made to feel worthless but you are better than him. Open up about everything that happened to your boyfriend who cares and move on

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  • Just focus on your new boyfriend. I think his man enough to know how to treat a woman. I hope you'll be happy with him. :) and for that other guy. Karma is a bitch. He will get what he deserves someday and I hope he learns.

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  • Yesss

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  • yes he deserves. it!

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  • stop giving this POS your time and energy. Tell his girlfriend he likes sex with minors and just leave it be.

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