I need some help! Where do you go after you break up with someone?

I don’t know what I should do after the break up. I’ve been reading a lot of questions on being friends with ex’s. The overall opinion I get is varied.

It has been 2 ½ months now since we split from a year ½ relationship. 2 weeks previous to that, she cheated on me but I forgave her. Everything is sinking in more recently and I am starting to get myself into the ‘maybe she wasn’t the ‘one’ for me’ state of mind. Although that is only 'starting'. She said she would like to stay friends, and I agreed with this, reason being I can’t weigh up how you can put so much, care, affection, time, effort and love in to something, to come out with completely nothing at all. It like a bad investment deal or something! We talk every now and then, and it is on both parts. And from what I‘ve been told, she just wants to be single.

However, what she has done has caused much pain.

It does it make sense to me? Where would be best to go?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Being friends with your ex when you still care about them is like driving a Bently and trading it in for a Kia. It doesn't make sense, same goes for a relationship. How can two people go from being in love to being friends? It doesn't sound realistic to me.

    I think the only way two people can be friends after dating is if all emotional attachment is gone. Forgiving is an emotion, it's something not many can do.

    Focus on you and getting your life back on track and where you want to be before you consider what is best for the both of you. What is best for you? Think with your head on this one. If she wants to be single then she made her choice. You supporting it only shows that you are okay with it, in my opinion.

    Work on how to find happiness on your own. It's the best thing you can do for yourself. You can never go wrong if you put your heart first. This goes for both male and female. She put her heart first and so should you.

    Good Luck.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Thing is, you usually share interests with your ex, so if you do things she's given up on ever getting round to, it makes them realize you are actually quite hot. Meanwhile, all that activity has taken your mind off her. It's a win-win, and you will find yourself in the company of people who won't mistreat you. My ex-boyfriend is jealous, wants me back, and I actually prefer my life now when I compare it to how I was when he could control how I felt. Basically have an interesting life mainly because you now have time to. Staying at home, and plotting will just drain you, depress you and make you look desperate.

    • This a really interesting insight, what kind of activity did you do to take your mind of them? What's it done for you? I'd agree completely, I feel I need a new focus!

    • I basically did things I'd put off. Learning Japanese and German, taking turn-tabling lessons, traveling. Hanging out in the nicest areas in town with my buds, instead of waiting for my ex to find a "gap" in his schedule. I always look great. I take road trips by myself or with friends. It drives him wild that I can do all of this without him. And one great thing is it doesn't hurt my pocket, because that's the same cash I'd be spending on him. Do what you've been meaning to get round to!

  • Happened to me! Start venting. Write/type how you feel in and keep it to yourself, instead of succumbing to the urge to write soppy messages, or call her incessantly. Even if it isn't the case, indicate that life really is exciting, and that you aren't desperate. Travel a bit, take up an exciting hobby, get your mind of her. Realize that she sort of gets off on the attention that you lavish on her, and that she'll never come back especially if you behave like you'll always be waiting for her, ready to drop everything. If you want to ask specific questions, feel free to inbox me.

    • Could ask about your situation? And how it turned out? Thank you fo the advise though. So you think I should just carry on as normal, but come across as more exciting?

    • I was really devastated when I lost my boyfriend after four years! After blubbering for a few weeks I realised it wasn't helping me, because even if we got to hang out, there was always this silent throbbing pain at the realisation that he still wasn't mine. So I stopped asking him for time. I could see that he loved the attention, but never returned it.

      I did exciting things without him, learnt a new language, travelled, hung out with my friends, looked good all the time.

What Guys Said 2

  • Hit the strip club bro... It'll make yah feel better



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