Is not feeling wanted a good reason to break up with someone and to change your attitude towards them?

Recently I have discovered that I never really felt wanted by my girlfriend. Like she will go off and see her best friend over me sometimes. Then she wanted to go and dance with other men while I was with her. Despite her telling me how much she loved me, these actions just never made me feel wanted and changed how I acted towards her. I do love her and all, but its just hard to love somebody who you feel does not respect or want you as much as you want them. Is this a good reason to break up with a person?

Now I have a buddy who has gone through a similar thing with his, now ex girlfriend. He didn't really say much, he tired to pretend that everything was okay, since he had bigger issues to deal with. Such as family issues and also school issues, so he just put there issues on the back burner. Then it just got to the point where he loved her but called a break, they got back together briefly, but he never really told her how he felt and how he felt like she never wanted him as much as he wanted her. He still deep down loves this girl, but he just does not act the same or have the drive to try and get her back. She has also started dating another guy and he has taken it hard, since well despite what has happened he still loves her. What would be the best advice I can give him since I am kinda at a loss for word to say to him?


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What Girls Said 1

  • My best advice is,...communication. A heart-to-heart. To find out if you two are on the same page...she probably doesn't realize how you feel and what she is doing. If she really loves you and cares she will listen and make a effort to show you. I wouldn't jump the gun and break-up until she knows how you feel.

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    • Do you think my buddy should do the same, despite his ex girlfriend moving on already to a new guy?

What Guys Said 1

  • Hmm... this is where I struggle with myself.

    Because... what if it's your fault that she doesn't want you? I never quite firgured it out.

    A lot of times, guys will be too nice and put too much effort in a relationship, but the girl won't. The girl will just sit and watch the guy single-handedly carry the relationship on his back. This is wrong, and it feels like the girl is just taking advantage of the guy.

    Why does she do this? Why is it so hard for her to love a guy, that cares about her? I'm sure the guy must have SOME qualities. Or are girls just forever doomed into only being really attracted to assholes who pretend they don't really give a sh*t about them, but deep down they do?

    So I don't know. Maybe you've been too nice to her, and she doesn't feel the need to show you that she wants you.

    Anyways, what I've found over the years, is that you shouldn't keep treating people any better than what they are currently treating you. So basically, at first it's OK to keep being nice to her, and giving her your all. But if she doesn't give you her all as well, you gotta stop. So stop it. Make her feel the way SHE makes you feel. If she still has any feelings for you, her eyes will open and she'll start making an effort. But usually this is a personality disorder - some people are just lazy and start taking their partner for granted. There's not much you can do in this case but leave her.

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