My ex-friend texted me after a month of no contact with harsh words... advice?

How our friendship ended in bullet points:
1) I asked her for space (not necessarily asking if we could end the friendship) and told her how her depression is slowly taking a toll on my own mental health.
2) She responded in an offended manner and basically assumed that I wanted to end it. She seemed hurt and started to accuse me of using her for my own happiness but that's totally not the point. The point is that I haven't felt her presence as my friend for a long time and I wanted her to see that a friendship is a two-way road and I felt like I was being taken advantage of.
3) Eventually, we decided to end it cause too many bad exchanges occurred. She agreed that she was bad for me and was willing to let me go for my happiness (pay attention to this detail)

We didn't talk for one month and then,
Suddenly last night she texts me a long heck paragraph telling me how she isn't sure how to end our friendship and that she wants the feeling of hatred and anger in her heart to go away. She claims that she has never hated anyone as much as she hates me right now. She tells me that she wishes for me to never do what I did to her to anyone else (?) and that nobody deserves what I did to her (again, ?). Lastly, she wants me to find myself (._.) and she hopes that it is a good person. Not to mention she called me a fake friend and that she has no room for fake friends (which made me wonder why she texted me again after ONE MONTH).

I decided not to reply but can someone please give me advice on how to deal with this? At first, I felt immense guilt but now I'm thinking that I did nothing wrong when I chose to prioritize myself and my family who would rather have me alive. I honestly don't understand why she hates me so much (she says that she has never hated anyone- not even those who sexually harassed her) which makes me extremely uncomfortable because she basically compares me to someone equivalent to a rapist.

Please help. Anything really helps right now. Thanks.
  • Give her space like you have. Don't reply back.
    Vote A
  • Talk to her in person, maybe?
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • She's having a hard time letting go of the friendship. Either she is trying to rope you into responding just to have communication with you or she sent that for her own closure. Either way, I'd ignore it because if you respond you both will end up going back and forth with negativity.

    When she said she was willing to let you go, apparently she didn't mean it or she thought you'd change your mind after a little bit of not communicating.

    You two seem not to view the friendship the same way. For her, it's like she thinks she needs way more support than you do and that if you were a real friend you'd be understanding of that and would be there for her. You view it as you need support and friendship, too, and you're not getting it. If you've never really done a good job communicating to her directly that you need more than what you're getting and WHY (like, actual issues you're having or she doesn't listen when you talk about you, and not just "because we're friends") PRIOR to asking for space, then... it makes sense for her to not understand what's happening and to think you're just self-centered. And knowing girls/women like I do, I wouldn't be surprised if this is the case (that you didn't communicate well prior to getting overwhelmed enough to back off). On the other hand, I do know people with certain mental/emotional issues are very draining, and as an introvert I can't handle the way those people drain me.

    Either way, ignore it because what's done is done. When I was younger, I had a few friendships end badly... that's what happens when you're growing up, people change and you become less compatible or you realize you can't really be friends with certain types of people.

    • Hello, thank you for that long insightful answer. I can see what you're coming from but the thing is... I've told her many times that her negativity drains me and that I'd appreciate if she could support me instead of being negative about everything. I've communicated how I wish she could stop putting herself down multiple times, but she continues to do it after telling me that she'll try not to.
      Again, thanks for the response.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • she needs help and treatment... I'm telling you because my roomie is like your "acquittance"... that's not friendship at all that's manipulation.. I recommend you to burn that bridge. I. telling you because this kind of people with anxiety and psychological issues became a cancer which affects the people around them. it doesn't matter how many times people told them this but is something they need to realize by themselves.

  • Your friend has some issues that she might need some professional help for. You can be supportive of her, but she needs to keep in mind that friendship works both ways, and she's not giving anything to make it work, only taking.

  • I know you're not a psychiatrist but maybe your friend needs you to be there for her and maybe what she saying now she don't mean it she might need to seek help to cope with her depression


What Girls Said 3

  • I agree with one of the opinions already shared. You don't have to feel guilty for taking care of yourself. Your friend's health is up to her and people who are helping her (psychologists, family, etc.)

  • just leave her alone- she is hurt, and angry. you didn't do anything wrong anyawys, all you did was break up with her, and people dothat all the time. shell get over it, just dont reply though cause itl just create a bigger argument.

  • iwould just ignore


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