What's going on when a guy cheats, but insists he's happy with his girlfriend of 5 years? Is he in denial? :S

And I'm not talking about the stereo-typical selfish prick who cheats left right and center whilst treating girls like crap. I mean someone who is a really decent and usually faithful guy.

I suppose only guys will know the real reasons for this since us girls think differently but if girls have any ideas that would interesting too.

Is it possible he's not as happy as he says he is? Or maybe he's outgrown the relationship but doesn't want to let go because it's comfortable? What do you think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend did the same thing basically. We've been together for well over 2 years and he was happy. He doesn't even know really why he cheated on me. All he said it was the feelings he thought was there and he just got caught up in the moment because he was p*ssed off at me and she was there sadly *he cheated on me with his ex*.

    It's possible that he's happy and if he's saying that he is, you need to believe him on that.

    Some guys do cheat with no reasons.

    Here's a link that may help, it helped with me sorta.

    link

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    • Thank you so much for the link :)

      Would your answer change though if it wasn't just a one time thing? For example if your boyfriend had been cheating with one particular girl who he had feelings for? Or do you think it happened with your boyfriend because he'd got history with his ex?

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    • Yeah I agree it's defo hard to forgive someone for cheating...even if it was just a one time thing. Although having said that, I think one time things are a lot easier to justify because as Sophie said- everyone makes mistakes. As for ongoing affairs which involve emotional attachment etc, I dunno, there's just got to be more to it- even when the guy claims he's happy, I don't think he can be if he's allowing himself to be emotional with another girl. Hope you manage to work through it though :)

    • Thanks.

      If it's one time thing though there shouldn't really be any more emotional attachment. If it was more than once, than obviously there would be a lot going on. Cheating is kinda like FWB while in a relationship in my opinion. And you're right, everyone makes mistakes even if they are prefect in every other way. You just have to forgive them and move on. Moving on is easier, but forgiving is always harder. They just ruined your trust and your thoughts about the future with them too

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What Guys Said 1

  • If he is really decent and faithful, then I will shift my focus to the girl because she must have done something to make him cheat or continue cheating. I cut him some slack tho because after being in a relationship you weren't too happy with but it lasted long..you get comfortable and don't want to leave but you keep taking baby steps to escape...hence the cheating..

    I think the poor guy doesn't want to leave what he's got and go back into the jungle...

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    • Thanks for your answer. What if he keeps insisting that he's happy though? Is it normal for guys to wait for things to get really bad before they admit they're miserable and decide to call it quits?

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    • Aw damn that's pretty gutting to be fair!! I guess on the upside you learnt a big lesson from it though. Ok- so if you clicked with her really well then what was your reason for cheating on her if it wasn't unhappiness? Or was it just like a one time thing where you weren't thinking straight?

    • Again, because I was more comfortable with other girl. I'd been with her for long. That was the time I learned what I really wanted in a solid relationship, the main thing, then other mini branches. its an event I vowed will never happen again.

What Girls Said 2

  • I think that he was scared he was too comfortable and he cheated to see if he was happier that was. It was probably a one time thing cause he was unsure about your relationship so he tried something else and fount out that he love being with you more. I'd talk with him and ask him about a fear of being too comfy if so you 2 need to do some talking.I think you should stay with hi even the best have doubts and make mistakes.

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    • Thank you. But would your answer change if the guy was cheating with one particular girl who he says is a really good friend that he cares for?

    • I would get suspisous if he says it's his friend who happens to be a girl, I'd keep my eye opean if I were u.

  • in my opinion there is no difference between a guy like that, and the stereotypical selfish prick who treats women like crap. if he was actually decent and faithful he wouldn't be creeping around on his girlfriend of 5 years. some guys are better actors than others and put on a good facade but that doesn't mean he's not just as much of a jerk or a prick as the "stereotypical" guy. people make excuses far too much for people. if his girlfriend cheated no one would be excusing her behavior they would be calling her a whore who doesn't appreciate a good man. this is not a good guy

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    • Hmm I can see where you're coming from- I'd not thought about it like that. I've experienced both though- my ex was the stereotypical prick and nothing about him was decent. And then I've got various really good ladmates who I know are decent guys but who have ended up cheating because they've got feelings for someone else- compared to my ex who literally wanted to sleep with anything that would have him. Do you think in this case that- like Tdieseler- the guys are taking baby steps out?

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