Break up a relationship that isn't going anywhere?

I'm currently dating this guy that I have been on and of with and in total we have been dated for a little over three years now. (dated for a year then broke up then a year then broke up) First time I broke up with him then he broke up with me. So now we're dating again.

He says he cares about me more than a friend and he honestly does care about me, he has been there for me even if we weren't dating and there is a lot of history between us. Thing is that now there is this other guy I met that is really sweet to me and tells me the nicest things and makes me feel so special, wonderful, amazing and treats me like a goddess and truly seems like he likes me for everything I am. Overall, I have never felt so special in my life like this guys makes me feel. So I would like to break up with my boyfriend to go with this new guy. Still I feel bad about breaking up with my current boyfriend because I do care about him and I do feel a strong connection to him (more so like a brother-sister) but I just don't have feelings for my boyfriend. Like, I was beginning to have feelings for my current boyfriend but now I kinda don't have feelings for him. The other thing is that right now he doesn't see himself getting married (and he's told me this) and that kinda worries me because I would eventually want that with someone. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a husband nor do I want to be married by a certain point in time but I would like to be with a guy that can see himself sharing a life together.My boyfriend has also told me that he doesn't want it as of now but that he might later. Thing is that I don't know if I should risk staying with him for a possibility. Like what if I get really into him and he just doesn't want that? Or what if I do bail on him and turns out that he did end up wanting it.

So overall I feel like I'm leaning towards breaking up with him and going for the other guy but I don't want to hurt my current boyfriends feelings. I have been talking to him about all this (except for the guy) and he is telling me it's my choice and leaving it up to me to decide and that he's not going to get hurt.

I just need someone else to talk to about all this and get an outsiders point of view.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd say go with the other guy, why? You said it yourself, he makes you feel special and wonderful, etc., and you've never felt so special in your life than what he makes you feel. I'd say that's significant in itself. As for the risk, yes, you run that, but it sounds like you'd end up being happier in the long run with the other guy. I'd also say don't burden yourself with "I used to, but now I don't." Don't worry about what you used to feel, what you feel now I believe is what would be more important. It's okay to still care for him, there's nothing wrong with it, but caring for someone and having feelings (or lack thereof in this case) are different. You mentioned he also said that he doesn't want it now but might later; those are some pretty big "if's." And like you said, what if you do get into him? Sounds like you'd be pretty hurt if it turns out he ends up not wanting it. On the other hand if you "bail" and go with this other guy, who's to say you won't be happy with him? If you're saying things like you've never felt so special, it would be reasonable to say you would be. The last thing I will point out is: If he is saying things like he's not going to get hurt. To me that doesn't show a whole lot of investment in feelings if he (your boyfriend) is serious about you.


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What Guys Said 2

  • if you don't have boyfriend feelings for him and just see him as a sibling (brother), you minus well just be friends and pursue the other point confusing yourself or anyone else

  • Seems you are breaking up and geting back together anyway. If you want to explore this realtonship with the new guy, and he makes you feel special, then why not, can always come back to your boyfriend if it doesn't work out, at least this way you won't wonder about him 10 years later and maybe try and find him on fb or ms...


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