I’m 32 years old, and I just broke up with my first boyfriend. He's a polygamist, should I go back?

I just broke up with my first boyfriend. We met one year ago and I fell for him hard. After we’re together, he told me all his past relationships ended because his exes found out he cheated on them.

This made me felt very insecure, and always thought he would cheat on me eventually. I grew up in a conservative family and wanted to settle down and have kids. He didn’t see himself as a married man. I wanted to leave him, but since he’s my first boyfriend, I really enjoyed having him keeping me company at everything. To show that he’s serious about me, he deleted all his dating app and took me to meet his closest friends. We were very happy together. We visited many places, took vacations, and had great sex. He was very caring around me, my girlfriends that met him actually praised him.

Later, he started to reveal that he’s a polygamist. He loved having me around, but he also wanted to date other people. He wanted an open relationship. We could still keep each other company, and I could go on dates to find Mr. Right. He would go on dates just for sex. I was angry and refused, so he dropped it.

All these info gave me tremendous anguish. After months of stressing out, I finally broke up with him. He was very clam at first. We agreed to stay in touch as friends when I’m ready. Later when we said our final goodbye, he broke down and cried, and that broke my heart.

It’s been less than a month since we broke up, and I missed him tremendously. My girlfriends said it’s because he was my first, and that I’d get over him in a few months, just stick to the No Contact Rule. However, there are days I feel like I must see him, touch him, and ask how he is because the pain is unbearable. I can’t help but think maybe I can go back to him and see him once a week. Maybe it’ll ease my pain. We’ll be like in an open relationship, where I continue to search for Mr. Right while still have him to keep me company.

I’m so torn! Should I contact him and tell him let’s meet once a week?

I’m 32 years old, and I just broke up with my first boyfriend. He's a polygamist, should I go back?
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