Urgent! What would you do if your ex said we could be friends in the future but not anytime soon because I cause stress and bring shit to his life?

Basically long story short- my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me two months ago. He actually blocked me from everywhere without me knowing we had broken up and after a week of straight begging, he called and told me that. We had been arguing a lot and it got too much. Anytime I've text him, he's been super mean and just blocks me. I love him very much. I keep begging and begging for him. He walked out after years together. Not even valuing our friendship never mind relationship. A lot has happened since that month, we've spoken and it's not been the nicest from his side, always bitter then something bad happened to me and he contacted me to check up on me and we were talking a little, and I asked if we could be friends as he's my best friend and the he told me he doesn't want to see me or talk to me for a while, and that he will talk to me some other time. I don't like how it's okay for him just to leave and come back at his own pleasure, yet doesn't think about who he's leaving behind and how much I'm suffering when he's gone. So for the first time in months I sent him a text and stood up for myself and told him I'm tired of playing games, give me a clear answer what you want and if you don't respond then I won't be here for you any longer and to my surprise he answered. He told me that in the future but not anytime soon as I cause too much shit and stress in his life. He always hurt me multiple times yet I have always stuck by his side. I'm not willing to wait for him and get hurt time and time again. Why should he get to come back so easily, what the hell am I supposed to do, just wait around for him till he feels right to welcome me back into his life, he's the one that hurt me but I'm the ones who's chasing after him. I've become a lot more stronger and I'm done caring. What is the best response to someone like that, how can I tell him that he can't just walk in and out at his own pleasure. So he has to either take the chance now or he's not welcome again


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Be assertive like you are already being. Tell him that it's decision time right now and that you are about to move on, with or without him.

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    • Is there anything I can say for him to understand how deeply he hurt me

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    • I recognise that I'm not perfect, I had changes to make which I did. He is a complete asshole yet I still always stick by his side good or bad, but he never takes responsibility or sees how his actions affect me. Imagine treating someone that way

    • Trust me, I'm going through something similar so I really do get it.
      My advice would be to not tell him how much he's hurt you. Just make him decide.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • You're not going to be friends ever. If he comes around again it's only because he can't find someone else to fuck or his current relationship has soured so he wants to use you as a backup plan till he finds someone else. Never have anything to do with an ex

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    • That's so not true tho. In some circumstances, yeah, maybe, but what you wrote doesn't fit every situation.

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    • Just remember that unless she is the 1%, you cannot be friends if it doesn't work out 🙄👌

    • @Blondiee2014 I won't be friends if it doesn't work. It'd be too painful. We've already discussed that

  • I honestly think you maybe trying to hard if your still chasing him. forcing someone is just as good as him saying no. I think you should focus a on you because that's what he's trying to do. people change in 5 years weight and habits and even your intellectual interest. if it's about the sex you can have toys and as far as on a emotional level apps like this and blogging and just meeting new people can help if you exercise and eat right along with some positive thinking your bound to move past him and onto so much better. this is just my little opinion others may differ

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    • But that's what I'm tryna say... i don't want to chase no longer. I am focused on me which is why I'm taking this step. I'm not forcing him, I'm simply telling him that can't pick and choose when to be in my life so you have to make a decision or I won't be here anymore. I'm not waiting for nobody. It's not about sex. It's about me trying to save what we had and our friendship before things get bitter from my end and I end up hating him. That's not what I want

    • yea I totally understand but if someone is saying hey I am leaving then you say are you sure you want to leave and then there. like yea i am sure and then you say well I am going to ask you one last time. it's seems like your hoping or trying to force a change of mind. you can't hold on to something when someone else wants to let it go that's all I am saying but as you stated you are moving on and that's great and I hope your situation gets a lot better and hopefully I someway I was able to help

  • Block him and cut off all contact. You deserve to move on.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Why aren't you listening to him? He doesn't want to be with you, and right now he doesn't want to be friends. Instead of begging and trying to force him to be friends with you, work on your self respect and just walk away.
    Focus on your new life as it is and build something just for you that you can be proud of and stop chasing a man who has told you he doesn't want you anymore. Instead of ending your relationship with respect and dignity he took a cowards way, but after that you haven't made it easy by constantly calling and begging.
    There doesn't need to be a friendship now, there needs to be a new normal and it's time for you to start focusing on that

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  • You are making yourself look needy and desperate. If he is the one that caused you pain why on God green earth are you begging him to talk or come back. Please, I beg you to stop. Honestly, making yourself look needy is pushing him further away. So, you are not accomplishing anything but giving him a reason to call you crazy and make fun of you. Stand up for yourself by not reaching out and cutting off all contact. I know it will be hard because you love him. But, just take time to remember why y'all broke up in the first place. Did he change for the better since then? Probably not, so love yourself enjoy your life and find you again. Take time for yourself and rebuild your self worth. Never settle and know your worth.

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  • Why are you begging? It makes you look needy and desperate. Guys will not respect this kind of attitude. He told you to stay away from him yet you kept and bugging him. It's over. You deserve someone better.

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    • Obviously you aren't reading properly... I did beg him months ago not at present, when he told me he wanted me in his life...

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