How do I break up with my depressed partner without hurting her? Also, in long distance relationships, do you chase the one you love or rely on fate?

I've been friends with a girl that I met online about two years ago. Let's call her Emily. We still talk pretty often and we even decided to finally meet up together for vacation. On this vacation, I cheated on my girlfriend of 10 months and had sex with Emily. Before I went on vacation, my girlfriend said I could have sex but I would need to let her know before. Well, I didn't let my girlfriend know because I figured it would hurt her. In the past few months (even before the vacation), I realized our relationship probably won't l work out because we have different ideologies about how to live our lives in the future (e. g., with money, children, and career). I want to move on, however, my girlfriend has pretty bad depression and has been suicidal in the past. I would like to ask advice from people who have had experience breaking up with depressed partners.

Additionally, my friend Emily, has the most beautiful soul and personality that I have encountered. Instead of going right to Emily after breaking up eith my current girlfriend, would be wise for me to stay single for a while? Do I need to lessen my interaction with Emily during this time (we talk almost every day and we don't consider us a couple, but it might become different if I am single).

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Most Helpful Girl

  • look, it's really sad. I really don't think that you should have cheated on her especially if she's depressed or suicidal. My advice would be this. Make her break up with you. Do things that she hates. Show her that there is no love left between the both of you. I shouldn't really be saying this and I feel really bad for her but if you want this relationship to end you're going to have to pull out all the stops and make her break up with you. For example, if she wants sex, say you don't want to, if she wants you to talk to her (this is important) tell her you don't have the time. then she'll probably be like" I'm you're girlfriend. you're supposed to make time for me." then you say" I'm sorry but I don't know if this is working out anymore" she'll be like" are you breaking up with me?" you say" I think that we both are too different and have conflicting goals and I don't know how that will work out. I just think that we should take a break" use those words!! take a break. then find her discreetly another guy. in the mean time continue talking to Emily just don't cheat on your girlfriend while you're still in the relationship

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Breaking up with a depressed person shouldn't burden your conscience more than breaking up with anyone else. A depressed adult doesn't need to be treated like a child, they are adults and should be treated as such. At the point that you don't want to be in a relationship with them anymore they are no longer your responsibility. They have their own life and should have their own support mechanisms, friends, family, etc. Your only moral obligation is to be honest. Tell them that it isn't working out and that you want to move on. Be kind about it but don't water it down. Don't let her reaction manipulate you into changing your decision, that serves nobody. Stick to your guns.

    As for the other girl, that's really up to you. If you think that you can honestly make something happen with this girl without bringing in too much baggage from your existing relationship then go for it.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds to me like you're in love with ya friend. It's funny how you used my words in your description..
    Word for word...

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What Guys Said 4

  • just end relationship that she is depressed is not your problem.
    if a relationship doesn't go well end it. commiting suicide are for selfish people and i was almost 1 of them.

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    • suicidal people are never selfish. they always think of the consequences. it's a myth actually to make people not suicide. however being suicidal does not make one a coward. the hardest part is the killing because whatever happens deep down everyone loves themselves. so the next time don't tell someone who is suicidal a coward please. it's most likely not true

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    • *shrugs* I guess that's why so many people die. their all idiots for thinking that their 'pathetic' lives will get better

    • only the weak die the people that can't take depression die I've been trough depression 2 times i know how it feels like but i knew that depression is temporarly and not for all life

  • Its gonna hurt her no matter what, hopefully she has someone who can help her through her troubles and for your sake you're just gonna have to cut her out of your life because trying to make everyone happy here is just gonna make everyone suffer if you come up with half-baked plans and try to spare people's feelings. The girl you love, your girlfriend, and yourself. If you want to truly separate then you need to put your feelings first even if you still do care about your girlfriend, she'll have to deal with her demons on her own time and hopefully you can be happy.
    It's complicated but it's also very simple, you need to do what will make you happy.

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  • dont do it. that's all I have to say

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  • you should focus on your girlfriend

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    • But I don't see any long term avenue for our relationship to last. I do love her, but we fundamentally disagree on things. Sometimes I feel like I understand Emily more than I understand my girlfriend. I rushed into the relationship without assessing how the future would look.

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    • I've actually known Emily for longer than my girlfriend. And no I wouldn't leave Emily. Because we have similar ideologies, I would try to fight through our issues. I have not openly discussed my issues to my current girlfriend, because I don't see it as something that is correctable.

    • if you not feeling comfortable with your girlfriend then leave it man dont screw your self and her self

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