I'm 16 and I never had a boyfriend?

hi everyone

all my friends my age already have boyfriends but i don't, and i could sense their judgement when i told them i didn't lost my first kiss yet. i know it's normal for my age, but damn i hate being judged or left out. guys do like me, but i can't like them back. the reason is below 👇🏼

so i do have a genetic disorder which i hide from everybody (nobody knows except my family), and ugh i can't get a boyfriend because i'm too afraid to get one. i'm afraid of that day when i have to tell him about my condition, he'll probably leave me for "lying" to him or that it'll be too much for him to take. yes, i know he won't leave me if he loves me, but that'll take at least a year, meaning i'll be lying to him for a year. with my genetic disorder i can't do some things so he's gonna think i'm weird for not being able to do some things with him for no apparent reason, and he'll probably think i'm princessy or some shit. i want to tell the world about my condition, but i can't. it's too much to handle. even being hidden is already so tiring and emotionally depressing, i can't imagine the amount of judgement i'll get if i show my true self. i just don't think i deserved to be loved. even if one day i get healed by the grace of God, he has to be mentally prepared as his future kids may get my condition as well. I really want to kill myself. maybe you think im weak but that's because you dont know how's its like to be me, what im going through and will go through for the rest of my life is just so emotionally draining... I don't know what the fuck to do, (im a v confident person, but because of this hidden condition i became v quiet) do i just date guys or don't? who will love me anyway? 😭😭😭😭😭 fk i just wish i was normal and didn't have to through this shit

sorry if i typed too much i'm just so frustrated and im lazy to reread what i said
I'm 16 and I never had a boyfriend?
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