Good couple gone bad?

The other day I was talking to two of my old friends and came up with, the above question. You see my two friends were the glue to our circle of friends. When they decided to date after 4 years of friendship we were all ecstatic. However the relationship ended after 8 months when my female friend went back to college and cheated on my male friends.

The new guy constantly would cheat on her and beat her and yet she still stayed with him. All of us eventually grew tired of her complaining/praising the new guy. We also became fed up with our male friend because he was still pining after even though she cheated after he payed her tuition. Eventually the rift caused us all to go our separate ways.

Fast forward to the present (two years later) I decided to reconnect with everyone and found out that those two were still in the same place. She is still on/off with the new guy and claims how everyone abandons. My male friend has refused two date anyone, has become bitter and is dealing with a cancer diagnosis on his own.

How could two very lively people could let this happen? Is there any advice I can give them? Or do you all think I should just cut contact witb them both again?

Thankz for the input


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What Girls Said 1

  • It seems mean and harsh, but I think you should cut contact with them both again.

    There is no magical advice that will fix this, trying to fix them will take a lot of effort and energy, honestly, it'll probably drain you, which is why I suggest cutting contact again.

    She is in an abusive relationship, it will be extremely hard to convince her to leave him. She may realize logically that the relationship is unhealthy and bad for her, but she is still emotionally attached to him and she will keep going back because she "loves" him.

    And he is bitter, he chose to dwell in his unhappiness, so you can see how it will be difficult and time consuming to end his bitterness. His bitterness is his choice. It is difficult to convince someone to change their ways after they have had many years of it, at a point it doesn't even become a conscious choice anymore, it's a habit of his and habits are notoriously difficult to break.

    So it comes down to, do you want to potentially be emotionally drained to help these two, do you want to sacrifice a significant portion of your time to try to help them, with limited projected success. Honestly, they should just go see a professional to help them work through their bitterness and let go of the past, and for her a professional to help her work through whatever feelings she has so that she can leave the abusive relationship. If I were to suggest anything to them, that would be it, and then it's up to them whether or not they actually want to change their life/circumstances. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

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    • Thank you, that was very insightful. My female friend is going to therapy but they only choose to focus on her "bipolar" tendencies and not her relationship. I believe that you are right, it sucks seeing people who were important to you as a shell of themselves but its not worth my sanity.

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