How to get over someone when your head knows it's stupid to hold on but your heart just can't let go?

i am friends with a guy and he had a crush on me right at the beginning of our friendship 1.5 years ago, i liked him too but he never does a first move, he even told me twice so nothing happened and we didn't see each other for some time because we were abroad. i still like him today, not sure about him. we have very similar interests and a similar taste in music and movies etc. so we'd be perfect but thinking back, he wasn't really ever a good friend. i am rather a caring type of person, he is very selfish, he prefers to be among a crowd of girls who don't like me even if it hurts me because he apparently has this huge need of feeling popular and since i am just one person i cannot give this to him, i guess if i had a huge group of friends it would look different... anyway, if a guy would be like that to my friends i'd tell them do dump him and in the end it's always him who brings me down so i know it's just so wrong but somehow i can't let go. what do you do in such moments?


Most Helpful Guy

  • letting go doesn't happen immediately. you have to take it in stride and reinforce the idea that you want to let go.

    make a pros and cons list and try to be as honest and realistic about as possible. you'll quickly put a visual value on the relationship itself. of you're finding you have a lot of pros to the guy, maybe its worth hanging on or maybe you're being too ideal. if there are a lot of cons, then you're opening up the doors to begin letting go by actualizing the negatives about hanging on to this guy.

    if you want to let go, you also have to disassociate. stop checking on him, stop looking him up, stop contacting him. it'll take some time but eventually you'll find less and less reasons to remind yourself of him.

    its also good to try and be with friends during this time. hang out with other guy friends if you have any. or talk about guys with your girl friends. the whole point is to try to distract yourself from the problem and low yourself to move on naturally.

    again, none of this works immediately. it takes time. sometimes a lot of time to let go of these things.

    but being able to let go will make you a stronger person in the end.


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What Guys Said 3

  • My opinion is that you'll never fully let go if you care for someone a lot. That doesn't mean that going 100% into submission is a good thing. Enjoy something else at the moment without harming your mind.

  • If you won't even protect yourself against friends who treat you badly then how can you expect anyone to treat you better? You don't even treat yourself well.

    If you want others to treat you well then you have to demand to be treated well, it's not negotiable, it's the bare minimum that you should accept. When people don't treat you well you have to be prepared to call them out on it. If they refuse to improve then you need to cut them out of your life.

    You have to be the one to set the standard. Hanging on to someone who treats you like crap is just telling them that crap is your preferred standard of treatment.

  • u let it go... and if he comes back in future on his own... then and only then consider it...


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