How can I just believe him & be happy?

Well for starters, This is my first REAL relationship...We've been together for well over a year now(living together for one year and one month).

He used to date my best friend, but cheated on her with me 3 years ago((more like a 3 month affair))...(at that point they had been together for 3 years)...

AND him and I had already been REALLY good friends... well they tried to stay together for about a year or so, & him and I hadn't talked for the whole year... then he moved out and in with an ex (from freshmen year)... but THEN he started confiding in me from his girl dramas, and ended up cheating on yet another girlfriend with me.



well, After the month of being with her/living with her... AND cheating on her... He asked me out... I said yea...

And this is where we are today more than a year later. . .

At first I was so happy I finally had him, all to myself(I think)...

I've been in love with him since the first girlfriend he cheated on... with me.

But now ALL I can think about now, is how "what if one day he cheats on me?"... he's had a lot of girlfriends, and a few f***s that weren't. He is 4 years older than me, so I'm hoping he's actually matured and smarter than in the past...

We're usually Always together... but the days were not I can't help but think, he's hanging out with one of the ex's...

On top of that, he still has some stupid grad ring he was supposed to give to the one bitch(he lived with for a month... )

He tells me he loves me more than he's loved any of "them"... and that I'm the "most beautiful girl he's ever dated"... That to me is COMPLETE BULL SHIT... I know what I look like, & I know what all of them look like... so yeah. I feel like I'm tearing us up and apart, by being sad and pretending to believe him... cause he knows I don't.

This situation is in the process of killing me...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, If you don't believe him then you probably have your reasons. And I think you do, let's see: for starters, he's a cheater. Not saying " once a cheater always a cheater", people can change, but he doesn't give any signs of that, he's always comparing you to them...That's no good. Follow your intuition, the voice in your head that you don't want to hear is always right. I think maybe you're feeling a little guilty, cause you're wondering the same will happen to you one day, and you're affraid. We may think it's love when they mistreat us ( yes , he disrespected you by using you to cheat on ex girlfriends, and you consented that too,so now you're on his hands; and he knows you're insecure, so if he were a good boyfriend he would go out of his way to prove you wrong, more than words you know )and always come back...but that's not it. So I think you should reflect on what you really want...

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    • Thank you.

      We've gotten in soo many emotional outbursts that end with him, holding me, us both crying...and him telling me he wishes I would just believe him...

      I love him so much, and I've ALWAYS been there for him as a friend, a lover, through the thick and thin...

      I feel he really has changed since we've been together....

      & yeah, we both kinda have mental implications, but who doesn't now a days.

      I'm just not 100% sure if it's my head making me think this.

      Thank you again so much tho.

    • If you feel he has changed then give him an opportunity to prove he really loves you. I know what it's like to be tortured by your own mind, I think A LOT because I had a 4 years relationship with a guy who was a big jerk, lol. He hurt me very very much, and now I have a boyfriend who "seems" like a good guy but I'm always with one eye open. I'm still giving us a chance though, cause he never gave me any reasons to take this opportunity away from us... Fear is what holding you back.

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What Guys Said 5

  • He's cheated multiple times and given the opportunity, will do so again. His track record is atrocious and there is no excusing it. Save yourself the heartache the other girls DIDN'T and dump him ASAP. The quality of friends (and boyfriends) you get is only as high what you MUST DEMAND.

    By continuing upon your current path, you are sanctioning his cheating by saying to him implicitly that his infidelity is okay with you, or at least you think he has changed. He is a multiple-time offender who is showing no remorse. Save the tears, break it off now.

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    • Thank you so much for answering.

      I feel bad, cause I've threatened him, kind of with death.... that if he hurts me in that way, I can't promise I'll control my actions... And he knows, I get a little violent(towards him or myself) when strong emotions come into play.....

      Guess that's why god made guns, HA HA.... jk.

    • You're welcome. If thing are coming even remotely close to violence, there needs to be no further evidence that the things are way out of control. For the safety of everyone involved, you need break it off with him and NEVER make contact with him again.

  • If he's cheating with you he'll be cheating on you. I'm sorry but you either need to get to the point where you know you're just going to be the flavor of the week and he'll be with other girls, or break it off. You deserve better than that.

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  • your reasoning makes sense. he cheated and now your afraid he might cheat on you. the Question is ... can you trust him? can you believe in him? do you know for a fact he has lied to you? if not ... then STOP! if he tells you your the prettiest girl ever even if you don't think so... that's how he sees you and its a sign your her only one (that's if he's saying the truth).

    The best thing to do would be believe in him and trust him. of course be aware and pay attention of what he does. But above everything... enjoy your relationship. worrying all day won't fix anything. it might actually damage the relationship if he gets uncomfortable with the way you are being right now.

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  • You can never trust him or beilive that the he won't cheat on u!

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  • LOL he's a douchebag. Wake up sweetheart. Get your head our of your "ass". Sorry just being honest.

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