I had a breakup 2 months ago. She was my first love. We still loved each other when we broke up but it was because of cirumstances. She was raised very religiously and has problems with intimacy and there were also some other things she had to work through. We didn't talk for a month. Most of the time I was kinda ok but there were a few times when I really missed her a lot and it hurt.
Also beeing with her had a positive effect on my life. I have adhd and I struggle with some things like procrastination, order, organisation etc. When I was with her just because she cared about me and was interested how I was doing and we talked about what was going on in my life sometimes etc. And she gave me advice sometimes.
I was generally more motivated and positive and productive etc.
After we broke up that kinda fell away and I fell back into bad behaviours and was lazy and stuff so it really sucks. I had a friend who told me not to talk to her for a while and kinda supported me. After a month the friend told me it would be fine to talk to her again and I did. We still get along well and I'm glad that she's in my life, even as a friend she has a positive effect I think. She still cares about me but we still can't be together. I tried tinder for a short time just as a experiment in that time when we weren't talking but when I talked to her again I didn't feel like I could talk to someone else when I still had feelings. I just felt awkward and I couldn't do tinder anymore so I stopped.
So this situation is really kinda weird and I don't really know what I'm doing :P I know this is probably not very smart but at the same time never talking to her really sucked and it wasn't getting any better over time so I felt like this was preferable at least for now. But I also don't wanna get stuck in limbo for a long time.
You can give me advice or just talk about your own hardest breakup both is fine :)