I've been dating for 2 years and I'm desperately lonely, is there a way to lessen the loneliness until I find the right person?

I was married over a decade and was forced to leave the relationship because it was very unhealthy. The first year I was alone I had a lot of friends but at night I was so lonely that almost every night I would cry until I fell asleep from exhaustion. 2 years later I still hurt every night so bad sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I can be with a group of friends and I still feel so empty and alone. I've tried dating but when it doesn't work it breaks me down all over again. Is there some way that I can cope with the loneliness so it doesn't destroy and consume my life until hopefully, the right person comes along one day?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Finding someone won't solve your loneliness. Loneliness is not external, it's internal. You need to find yourself, and the irony is, you need to be alone to do it.

    When you have a great relationship with yourself, you will never feel alone again. But if you have a poor relationship with yourself, and an average or even decent one with others, you will still feel alone, but you will just be distracted from those feelings until they leave.

    This society has been taught to seek answers externally, been taught to rely on external solutions, and have been misled about what loneliness actually is.

    What you don't realise is that you were still alone in your marriage. You still felt alone even when you had friends and it felt worse at night, not because you were suddenly lonely, but because the distractions from being lonely were absent.

    You said it yourself, you can be with a group of friends and still feel empty and alone. What if I told you, you could be completely alone, and not feel empty or alone (solitude).

    You need to cultivate a better, more honest, deeper and understanding relationship with yourself. I'd suggest you read up on mindfulness as a starting point and take it from there.

    The solution is within, but it is different for everyone.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You don't seem comfortable in your skin and you haven't healed from your bad relationship... and your feeling clingy and on survival mode... having a man doesn't define your authenticity but self belief and the values you have that makes you a fascinating being does.

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    • Listen to this person and the one that suggested counseling. I also recommend going to the gym. The endorphins I get from working out are a huge reason I'm able to function throughout the day.

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    • Have you tried motivational you tube videos? some are lame af, but some are solid. my friend swears by them.

      Go to a psychologist specifically. Not a counselor. Not a licensed therapist. A psychologist PhD. Then sit down and tell them everything. Even the shit you're ashamed of.

    • I bet you've never tried guided meditation.

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What Guys Said 12

  • you need distraction and if moving to another state or country then do it. it's going to be very hard to let go and try to enjoy life. yes you will find that perfect guy one day. don't give up. and don't lose hope. you can do this. try to put the past behind you and only look forward, and don't look back. try new things. do things you enjoy doing to help get your mind off it

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  • I moved to another country almost a year ago.. it is not the same type of loneliness but I know what you mean..

    The way I deal with it is pretty lame.. I just get high to the point I don't care... I know it is just an escape but it helps and in the meantime I am trying to make friends

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  • Simple fix: put aside some coin like a Christmas fund, then every other week hit the strip club with your best friend or alone, guarantee you'll get your mojo back in two trips, you might even get a date out of it.. thumbs up

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  • there are sites you can speak with like minded people. check out compatibility etc. but I'll be lying if I tell you this is the easy way. it'll take time. you can talk to me. I'm a good listener.

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  • talk online to people. try to make some friends online. good conversations can take those feelings away. at least that works for me.

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    • I know it's probably a dumb question but how do you find people online to talk too?

    • the only dump question is the one you don't ask.

      well, a good point to start might be a hobby. and then you try to find chats for it or so.
      also even here you can find people. if you find someone interesting, just try to write him/her.
      i mean, all you need is a topic you like to talk about and someone else who likes that topic too and soon you will have a good conversation.

  • I've been single for a long long time. I do feel lonely a lot. But not a good reason to break my head over it. Just have fun, enjoy life. Live and learn. Go take lessons, join a group. Improve every aspect of your life. Try guided meditation.

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  • Have you considered seeing a counselor? Until you can get some balance, you are going to have a hard time attracting a partner. Perhaps you are suffering PTSD from your previous relationship.

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  • It can be hard after being used to having someone for so long, even if it was dysfunctional. I guess I've gotten so used to spending time alone it doesn't really bother me. You need to be able to be comfortable with yourself and not look to someone else to fulfill your needs; only then will you be able to look for a healthy relationship without being needy.

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  • It's not unusual to take 5 years to get over a divorce

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  • Distract yourself by whatever means necessary

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  • Sounds like we have a lot in common!

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  • A pet.

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