I was married over a decade and was forced to leave the relationship because it was very unhealthy. The first year I was alone I had a lot of friends but at night I was so lonely that almost every night I would cry until I fell asleep from exhaustion. 2 years later I still hurt every night so bad sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I can be with a group of friends and I still feel so empty and alone. I've tried dating but when it doesn't work it breaks me down all over again. Is there some way that I can cope with the loneliness so it doesn't destroy and consume my life until hopefully, the right person comes along one day?
Most Helpful Guy
Finding someone won't solve your loneliness. Loneliness is not external, it's internal. You need to find yourself, and the irony is, you need to be alone to do it.
When you have a great relationship with yourself, you will never feel alone again. But if you have a poor relationship with yourself, and an average or even decent one with others, you will still feel alone, but you will just be distracted from those feelings until they leave.
This society has been taught to seek answers externally, been taught to rely on external solutions, and have been misled about what loneliness actually is.
What you don't realise is that you were still alone in your marriage. You still felt alone even when you had friends and it felt worse at night, not because you were suddenly lonely, but because the distractions from being lonely were absent.
You said it yourself, you can be with a group of friends and still feel empty and alone. What if I told you, you could be completely alone, and not feel empty or alone (solitude).
You need to cultivate a better, more honest, deeper and understanding relationship with yourself. I'd suggest you read up on mindfulness as a starting point and take it from there.
The solution is within, but it is different for everyone.1
Most Helpful Girl
You don't seem comfortable in your skin and you haven't healed from your bad relationship... and your feeling clingy and on survival mode... having a man doesn't define your authenticity but self belief and the values you have that makes you a fascinating being does.1
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