I am so angry at my ex because he is everything negative that I thought he was and I am disappointed, don't know how to get over this anger?

My ex and I dated for almost 3 years and the entire relationship was built upon us trying to please each other, but him more than me. I would make some changes for him, like doing things I really wasn't that excited to do or going places I didn't really care for, but I asked him for a lot more changes. We got into a routine that I absolutely loved, I saw him as the perfect boyfriend. But we had arguments all the time because I could tell he wasn't being sincere with what he did and this put a damper on my view of him. This upset me because it made me feel like he didn't love me enough to be happy doing the things that made me happy, so I would get mad at him. Well now we are broken up and its been about 6 months since we broke up, and he is being EXACTLY who I felt like he was all along, and I don't know why this bothers me. He is just a laid back (I would say lazy...) person, no real goals for anything, just constantly partaking in hobbies and games he likes to play, he's on several dating apps as he he loves to have his ego boosted. I am just so disappointed in him. Since our breakup, I've learned how to better myself and not be so demanding, how to not add stress to others lives and how to be more happy with myself. I feel like I have grown a little since this breakup and he has done nothing but prove that he is the selfish, lazy, egotistical person I was trying to deny the entire time we dated.

I know that I shouldn't care what he does or is doing, but I see him all over my feeds on social media. We have a lot of mutual friends. Not only this, but some of my friends are friends with the girls he is talking to and it just makes me sick knowing he's making them laugh and wooing them the same way he did with me. I hate hearing about it, but it comes up sometimes. I want to get ANY advice whatsoever on how to just let this go. How to not care. It is not as easy as saying "I'm just gonna let it go". I've tried that, and the anger is still there.
I know there isn't enough background information here, but basically he dropped out of his school classes, stayed at the same job (he was looking into a better job before we broke up), gained weight, still lives with his dad (had been planning on getting his own place by January).


Most Helpful Guy

  • The way you presented this, tells me you're an extreme Type A person. He was the polar opposite as a Type B. People like that can get along but it's not an easy task for either one.

    I also get the thinking you have controlling tendencies too.

    1. You can no more determine his path in life than he can yours. Get past that part immediately.

    2. Remove him as much as possible from any social media. I know it's impossible, but remove him as much as possible.

    3. Your friends are being "woo'd" by him and being taken by his personality. That's him. Your friends like something you don't care for. So what? You can't control their feelings, likes, or dislikes. If they're happy, so be it. No one says you have to hang out with them either! You CAN find other friends you're more comfortable being around.

    4. Last of all, find another boyfriend. By getting with a different person, your circle of friends typically change too. Remember the cause of the breakup and YOUR role in that. Try to be very conscious about NOT doing the same mistakes with the new boyfriend.

    I understand where you're coming from. I was a lot like you before my divorce. And I carried some of that baggage into my current marriage. It has taken a LOT of effort between my wife and I (can you say nuclear arguments?), to resolve our problems. We're not perfect, but she and I get along pretty dang well now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Was in a 3 year relationship with my best friend.. You've answered your own question.. He was trying to please you all the time. It wasn't natural. After 3 years he just can't do it anymore... You just have to accept you weren't compatible. It's true.. You need to just get over it. Get off social media (delete him). and tell your friends that you don't care what he does & don't want to hear it. You'll meet someone your compatible with eventually & won't even give him a 2nd thought x

    • Are you still friends with your best friend? Or did you all part ways?

    • He's a vile little lying person. We were friends for 3.5 years before the relationship. And was deceitful during the breakup despite chances to be honest.. so my point is... I trusted him with my life & he wasn't the person I thought he was. People do what they want & are selfish. He doesn't deserve your care anymore girl. Save it for someone who deserves it x

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What Guys Said 2

  • haha.. you are at fault same as him.
    so stop blaming him. blame yourself too.
    you wanted him to be something he wasn't. it had to happen

  • I agree with the other 2 comments, delete him off from social media and learn to accept over time that you two just weren't meant to be. It took me a good year and a bit to finally get over a woman I'd been dating for close to a year and deleting her off from social media did me a lot of favours.

    The good thing about what you said though is that you've clearly reflected and seen that mistakes were made on your part too so just do what you're doing and learn from it so that you're more aware of what to do/what not to do when the next special guy comes around 😊 You're still young so don't beat yourself up thinking that those 3 years were a waste. You had good and bad times and there's plenty more guys out there who will be more like minded in comparison to yourself!

    Don't know if what I say helps but I hope it gives you a new perspective 😊👌


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