My ex and I dated for almost 3 years and the entire relationship was built upon us trying to please each other, but him more than me. I would make some changes for him, like doing things I really wasn't that excited to do or going places I didn't really care for, but I asked him for a lot more changes. We got into a routine that I absolutely loved, I saw him as the perfect boyfriend. But we had arguments all the time because I could tell he wasn't being sincere with what he did and this put a damper on my view of him. This upset me because it made me feel like he didn't love me enough to be happy doing the things that made me happy, so I would get mad at him. Well now we are broken up and its been about 6 months since we broke up, and he is being EXACTLY who I felt like he was all along, and I don't know why this bothers me. He is just a laid back (I would say lazy...) person, no real goals for anything, just constantly partaking in hobbies and games he likes to play, he's on several dating apps as he he loves to have his ego boosted. I am just so disappointed in him. Since our breakup, I've learned how to better myself and not be so demanding, how to not add stress to others lives and how to be more happy with myself. I feel like I have grown a little since this breakup and he has done nothing but prove that he is the selfish, lazy, egotistical person I was trying to deny the entire time we dated.
I know that I shouldn't care what he does or is doing, but I see him all over my feeds on social media. We have a lot of mutual friends. Not only this, but some of my friends are friends with the girls he is talking to and it just makes me sick knowing he's making them laugh and wooing them the same way he did with me. I hate hearing about it, but it comes up sometimes. I want to get ANY advice whatsoever on how to just let this go. How to not care. It is not as easy as saying "I'm just gonna let it go". I've tried that, and the anger is still there.
Most Helpful Guy
The way you presented this, tells me you're an extreme Type A person. He was the polar opposite as a Type B. People like that can get along but it's not an easy task for either one.
I also get the thinking you have controlling tendencies too.
1. You can no more determine his path in life than he can yours. Get past that part immediately.
2. Remove him as much as possible from any social media. I know it's impossible, but remove him as much as possible.
3. Your friends are being "woo'd" by him and being taken by his personality. That's him. Your friends like something you don't care for. So what? You can't control their feelings, likes, or dislikes. If they're happy, so be it. No one says you have to hang out with them either! You CAN find other friends you're more comfortable being around.
4. Last of all, find another boyfriend. By getting with a different person, your circle of friends typically change too. Remember the cause of the breakup and YOUR role in that. Try to be very conscious about NOT doing the same mistakes with the new boyfriend.
I understand where you're coming from. I was a lot like you before my divorce. And I carried some of that baggage into my current marriage. It has taken a LOT of effort between my wife and I (can you say nuclear arguments?), to resolve our problems. We're not perfect, but she and I get along pretty dang well now.1
Most Helpful Girl
Was in a 3 year relationship with my best friend.. You've answered your own question.. He was trying to please you all the time. It wasn't natural. After 3 years he just can't do it anymore... You just have to accept you weren't compatible. It's true.. You need to just get over it. Get off social media (delete him). and tell your friends that you don't care what he does & don't want to hear it. You'll meet someone your compatible with eventually & won't even give him a 2nd thought x1