How do I find a relationship? I am SO irritated at this point I CANNOT HANDLE IT!

OK I want a boyfriend NOW.. but there is no where to go around here... and I hate going places alone, and this online dating is NOT OK I get the grossest guys and I am just done with that too... and I know all that be patient blah blah blah how patient am I supposed to be I mean really? 19 years here.. waiting well I'm 19 years old so technically its only been like 6 or 7 years.. but still I want to hurry up meet a guy and date so we can get married and have babies...so what do I need to do?

What I might do is... if I meet a potential guy who I want to get married and have babies with soon I might get pregnant and then he'll have to marry me and I won't go to law school.. but if I DON'T find a between now and the end of college I'll go to law school and hopefully meet a man there :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • WHYYYYYYYYYYYY AREE YOUUUUUUUUUU LOOOOKINGGGGGGGGG FORRRRRRRR LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    what don't people understand on here...you don't go looking for love, IT FINDS YOU...

    the harder you look, the further away you will be from it...you cannot control love, it just happens, SO STOP LOOKING AT EVERY GUY AS A POTENTIAL BF...or at least looking for MR RIGHT...

    you need to A) settle down B) not tell guys you want a kid right off the bat you'll scare the SHIT out of them and C) CALM THE F*** DOWN

    STOP LOOKING...seriously...you seem pretty immature no offence, you're asking us why you can't find love...and I'm going to tell you again...BECAUSE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IT...stop trying...have you never had a bf? and if you haven't I see why,...youve been looking you're whole life...just cut the crap and let life hit you teh way its going to hit you...some guy will randomly walk into your path and you both will fall for one another...just stop being so dramatic or you'll scare every guy away,...jesus h christ

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Best answer

    • Show All
    • I agree, I think men have a lot more control in "choosing" women because they do initiate things, but I also agree with you that they don't just initiate with everyone and you can't go looking for someone to initiate. It kinda just hits you in the face that you want to get to know someone more. But maybe she is feeling out of control in the situation considering, men do initiate. Hang tight, relax, enjoy yourself, and in time someone who wants to be with you will cross your path.

    • The question asker should not be complaining, it's easier for her since she is a girl

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What Guys Said 50

  • OK, for some stupid reason I try to answer this question in a longer format. Even though I got the feeling that this is more of a joke than anything else, whatever.

    First of all, the way for real success is being happy with your life. A boyfriend / girlfriend is nothing more than the cream on the pie, nothing more than the dot on the i. It completes your life, but it isn't your way of living.

    Many people, usually guys especially, seek a partner to 'finally become truly happy'. Sad thing is: this doesn't work! Accept that as soon as possible. You need to become a person for yourself. You'll have more than one boyfriend (usually) and you'll make some mistakes in choosing one before finding Mr. Right. There's no need to rush things. If you're too eager to get a boyfriend, if you approach things to fast, you'll simply scare away the person of your attraction. And you don't really want to do this, right?

    So: Try to become a person for yourself. Blossom within your hobbies, have lots of friends, go out with them, do stuff together, live a happy life. If you're happy, naturally you're more attractive to other people, it's a fact. Trust me! Sooner or later Mr. Right will ring on your door and you'll be blown away because you didn't expect it to happen. But it does, truly it will!

    As many clever people mentioned before me: It's impossible to find love, love always finds you!

    I hope this makes some sense to you!

    And on a sidenote:

    i really, really, really hope that this stupid baby comment was nothing more than a (really bad) joke! You'd get nothing out of it... Then you'll be pregnant, your boyfriend will leave you (if he's unhappy) and then you'll be there alone with the baby. If you're lucky he'll pay aliments if you're not (more likely) he'll not and you'll have trouble. From that point onwards everything will become more difficult - even finding a new boyfriend, since many boyfriends get scared away by girls / women who already have a baby / child. Even more so if you - as the girl - are pretty young (this implies no grown up personality).

    I truly hope you understand the words above, I really do.

    bai

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    • He's right.

      Also, getting pregnant does not mean he will stay with you, or even be with you. It just means you will be pregnant possibly pregnant and alone.

    • I totally agree. Having a baby before you're married to a guy is NOT the way to get him to commit to you. If you did do that, be prepared to watch him get married to someone else and start his REAL family with them instead of you.

  • OMG...19?!?!?! Holy crap...to late girl. You are over the hill and picking up speed.

    Christ on a crutch...

    Ok you are going to have to trust me for a few minutes. Google >women sexual prime<

    Don't worry so much about the age...look at the first few listings.

    Darlin...it ain't gonna close up.

    You are sooo young. I don't understand why you feel the end of your life is just around the corner, but chances are it isn't.

    Hell, I used to tell my daughters they were not even allowed to know boys existed till they turned 24.

    Do you want to know how to attract the gross guys? Why use the right bait of course.

    Please don't take any of this the wrong way. If there was a word to help you find a guy and really be happy, I would give it to you in a heartbeat. Life just isn't that simple.

    Ok...I am asking you to trust me again. Go to school. Focus and get your degree.

    Don't stress yourself into an ulcer. You have so much time ahead of you to start a family, but ask around...ok let me rephrase...ask the couples who are really happy. I bet most of them will tell you it happened when they weren't expecting it.

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  • Your emotional health problem is beyond what this website can help you with.

    Make the investment into a well reputed professional guidance counselor, or you'll surely be doomed to live in a trailer park for the remainder of your life.

    Get well soon!

    P.S. feel free to pm me.

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  • Kudos for being honest and knowing what you want, most women think the same way you do but won't admit to it.

    This is why guys need to wear double condoms and dispose of them after use :D

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    • Haha

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    • He means at a place she doesn't get to...

    • Aahahahahahaah that's so funny! But most of the girls stick to another rule - `No ring - no babies` hahaha

  • God 1227...you are so dead on its not even funny. I am stuck, for the most part, in the same situation. I agree..the online dating thing is all a big mind f*** ..can I say that here? lol. I agree with what 1salty said..but realize the frustration that goes along with it. I think I have waited even longer then you actually. And its not because I'm bad looking or creepy. Just like you said...live in a secluded area and being previous military, it does not help being in afghanistan sense I was 19...so ...be patient...and don't try to force a marriage by pregnancy...that is a horrible way to think about it. I would be very mad if a women I cared about did that without my permission. For one I would lose all love for her...but would support the child. So you would just be out on your own without a guy and in labor...then struggle after that. PLEASE do it when you have already married and are ready for that point in your life...go work at a daycare if you want your kid time or something (don't get me wrong...i personally love kids and would work beside you if you did that...but I don't need a girl thinking she can trick me by stopping safe sex practices).

    and 19? Sooo young. Your not unattractive at all. So don't sweat it...college is a great place to meet new faces!



    Hope this helps

    -zing

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  • WOAH, I'm just freaked out about a soon you wanna have children when you have the oppertunity to get an education...definitely don't tell the guy your dating that you wana have babies with him...thats kinda weird

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  • Invest in a good vibrator and enjoy yourself. I think this question is bs... what kind of girl wants to throw her life away at 19? Oh, wait... it is 2010...

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    • I have 2 and I want REAL sex.

      I want babies and a family 19 year olds get pregnant all the time

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    • I got to tell you... no guy wants a 19 year old for a wife and to have his babies... what he wants is a 19 year old piece of ass he can bang out. Stop freaking out over not having a guy or lower your standards and give one the gross online guys a chance.

    • Maybe she's been watching too much "16 and pregnant"...hardly as glamorous as they portray it, but I never thought someone would have to say that. Its the reason they got a show in the first place, because they were so young and had children. They don't show you how hard everything else is when you have a child to care for. I remember one of them was in college, I wanted to see how much trouble she had between that, working, and being a mother..

  • Okay, you are 19! You know what the average ages for men and women are for marriage. 25 for women and 27 for men. I know it's tough when you have never had a bf, but trust me don't worry. While college can be a good place to find people, there are still a lot of jerks, a-holes, and immature people there. If your having trouble finding desirable guys. Join some groups of people that have similar interests, and even if you don't meet guys, you make great friends who may be able to help you. Also put yourself out there a little more. If there is a guy you like say hi, and maybe he will talk back. Little stuff like that works. One last thing, don't go out trying to find the one. Just go out with for fun. Hang out with your friends and live life and when you see a guy, don't think he's the one, or that he's gonna be the father of your kids and all that stuff. Just think "hey he's a nice guy, I'll go out with him, if it works great, if not maybe will still be friends". Trust me, I used to always just look for the one, and whenever I'd see a girl I'd like I'd think about how great it'd be to date her. I've tried to stop thinking like that, and just hang out because this girl is fun. I hope I helped

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  • Well if your current ways aren't working, it' time to rethink your game plan. Expecting all boys to make the move doesn't seem to be working so I'd suggest being more aggressive, make some moves. Second, if it's hard to find people then simply do volunteer work. It helps you network jobs and will get you to meet new people.

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  • Your single because well your crazy, simple as that.

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  • The more desperate you get the more you turn men away. You can't force love, you have to let it happen naturally. When men see you craving marriage and babies they are going to run for the hills.

    Getting pregnant so he has to marry you? This isn't 1950, this is 2010. Chances of him marrying you because you are pregnant are low. Chances of him staying with you even if he were to marry you are even lower.

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  • How about you stop feeling lonely and grab your own horns.

    Get your life going and not worry about a relationship.

    People grow better with more maturity, being by yourself.

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  • hahahahahahaha you are getting your ass whooped here I can see.

    Just Relax dolled up with your friends and go to a club, most of the time you will find creeps, but some guy will ask your phone and would like to talk to you and be friends and what not.

    You can also look for a partner within your male friends.

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  • "I might get pregnant and then he'll have to marry me"

    Yeah, maybe if you build a time machine and go back to the 1950's to get knocked up.

    You hate going places alone? Well guess what, single guys hate approaching large groups of women, even a couple of women increases the anxiety by an enormous amount. Guys already have to bear the greater burden of responsibility when it comes to initiating communication, don't make it any harder than necessary for them.

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  • it's so much easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend, that's a fact, that's common sense

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    • Oh ok well how come I don't have a boyfriend then? stop saying stupid things to me like how easy it is for a girl to get laid or to get a boyfriend rather than a guy because OBVIOUSLY it isn't easy or I wouldn't be asking the QUESTION... right?

    • Just say yes to any guy that asks you out and makes advances on you

  • your a girl and you don't have to initiate, it's the status quo and social norm in our culture and society for the guy to be the aggressor, the chaser and pursuer, which makes it easier for you girls initially, all you have to do is accept or reject any guy who makes the moves on you

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  • You want to get married and have babies at 19?There's your problem. No guy that I know wants to do anything remotely close to that at 19 years old. You haven't even experienced adult life yet, haven't seen as much of the world as you want to see, haven't ventured out from what you're used to. You mentioned something about law school and forcing a guy to marry you out of pregnancy. Not only is that desperate, but you are holding someone else back from chasing their dreams. Just calm down, go out someplace with friends and have a good time. Forget about husbands and babies and just enjoy life. Don't rush things

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    • I like older guys too they are more likely to give me the baby I need

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    • I agree mx4568.

      i saw a 20 year old mother on this site who had a husband and anything, I commented her wall and said "20 years old and married? I feel so bad for you =/" and she didn't reply back lol

    • Girls who say they need babies say so because typically they feel unloved. A baby will do all but love you back sweetheart, even I know that and I'm two years younger than you and do not want children. Rethink this, seriously. Go for the boyfriend, but put the kid idea aside, please.. for the kids' sake.. It's not going to give you what you're looking for - have the kid once you have all you need, and want to start giving back.

  • Being single is not a bad thing. I can go and do what I want when I want no questions asked. You are way too young to worry about this. And please, with this kind of logic think long and hard before you have sex.

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  • ummm your a girl, it's easier since you don't have to initiate

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    • Since when is it easier to wait for a great guy to ask you out and want a relationship. Sure, it's easier for a girl if she wants random sex, but we usually don't want that, we want love, a relationship, a boyfriend, not to get laid on Saturday night. Sorry, but we don't have it easier when it comes to relationships.

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    • YOU.

    • I agree with him

  • I think that it is really mature to want to start a family at a younger age. There is nothing wrong with that and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Some people are just ready to start a family. The good thing about waiting though is that you get the experience to meet more people. Personally I believe people should wait until their after 21. Just so they can experience more things being single.

    You can't force love to happen but you can put your self in more situations where you can meet people. Find things that gets you out and meeting others. Joining a gym, volunteering, getting a job where you are around people, and I guess you can say joining a online community would work as well. Don't give up on others when there is someone somewhere not going to give up on you. Hope that helps and good luck!

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What Girls Said 34

  • My bestfriend wanted the same thing as you when we were 19. I kept telling her she was crazy, and to focus on college instead.

    She got pregnant at 19, got married.

    We're both 27 now, and she is miserable. She is always complaining about her marriage, and how she wishes she was still single... And it's not just her marriage, she complains that she can't go out and have fun because she has to take care of her kids.

    She fastforwarded her life.. and can't go back now.

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    • This is a great answer. thanks for sharing your insight.

    • Wonderful answer I know someone in the same situation and she does neglect her children a lot just to go out. Then she feels guilty when people tell her she isn't doing her job as a mother.

      Anyway, I could easily fill this space up telling that story. Long story short, lost-angel is right.

    • One of the nicest straight forward answers.

  • REALITY CHECK: Guys don't like super dependent women. Which is exactly what you sound like. If you pass on law school, and just marry any guy, he will have complete control over you and your future. Do you really want someone else to have that kind of control over your life? You need to focus on you, and start having fun. Don't expect things. If you expect too much, you'll get disappointed easily.

    Guys can probably sense that you're the type that wants to "hurry up and get married and have babies" Bottom line, that FREAKS THEM OUT. guys don't want that kind of baggage right from the get go! You need to make sure you are COMPATIBLE with the person you have babies with, you will be tied to them for the next 18+ years, and chances are if it's just "any random guy" he will leave you to pursue his wants/desires and have fun.

    Trust me, you WILL regret putting your schooling off and 'settling' for any guy. You can go looking for love and a relationship, but you CAN'T force LOVE. Love is what makes a relationship/marriage work. If you just jump into one for the hell of being in one, you will be miserable! Why the hell would you want that?!

    Just let things happen! Have fun! I promise you things fall together they way they are meant to when the time is right.

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  • whoa whoa whoa! hold up girl...don't you ever hear married couple say how they wish they WEREN'T married? you think they make that sh*t up? and you never even being in a relationship b4...girl, you have no idea what's going to happen do you? you still gotta fall madly in love with a guy for him to break your heart...every girl will experience this...then date a few more guys, they'll all be jerks...use you for stuff, make you cry...then, when you least expect it...6 years from your first hear ache, and you're at the freakin' chinese joint in the mall, hating life, enjoying being single...and Raul will show up...and you will both order orange chicken at the same time..thinking that this similarity is enough to move in together...you move in, you love each other for the 1st 4months or so...then the fights began...your constant nagging, his stressed out attitude...you think getting a dog will fix everything...but ends up being 1 more thing to fight over. 2 years later, when you feel like leaving his lazy ass, you get knocked up, and end up getting married, and stay together for the rest of your little miserable lives...the end. so like I said DON'T get married...you're dumb and ignorant if that's all you want right now...live life first, and see if a man will help the situation any...let me know how that goes.

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  • LOL! This is the funniest thing I've read all day. Whatever happens, I feel bad for whoever gets stuck with you for their lawyer or whoever gets stuck with you as their mom. Now go rip out your ovaries, please.

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  • Do not waste precious time you could be using to better yourself through studying, volunteering, exercising, and socializing by focusing 100% on boys. It will be a HUGE mistake. You will lose girlfriends because they can tell that you have a one-track mind and nothing to offer in terms of fun, and they might even consider you a threat if they have boyfriends. If you go to a party completely focused on "meeting someone", you will only attract players who pick up on your insecurity and neediness. That's really not good. And ultimately you will completely miss your target because while you are desperately in search of a good boy, he is busy bettering himself and will probably meet someone who is genuinely interested in the same hobbies and classes.

    Focus on making yourself happy. Find a favorite tv show, pick up friends with whom you share similar interests, **work on getting good grades in an academic field you are interested in**. You will build confidence once you get good at whatever you take on and others see that you have something to offer the world. Anyway, men like women who are busy (a.k.a. interesting) and know that they don't need them. Since you can't hurry love anyway, if you do run across someone once you have built a life for yourself, that will be just the cherry on top of a spectacular sundae. The way you're looking at it right now, a guy is the ice cream, the foundation, and that is ALL WRONG. Find yourself first, and then look for someone to share your life with.

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  • having a child to make a guy stay is selfish and by this stupid immature comment you deserve to be alone for a little longer.

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  • i think guys see your urgency and back off. They are (for the most part) hesitant of commitment.

    I'm 18, and now for the first time have a bf. He came when I least expected it. Plus, school is an AWESOME place to meet people. Girl, trust me don't be in such a hurry. =)

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  • LOL... grow up first... If you say that to a guy on the first date - I can only imagine his face turning blue-ish green, he will wait for you to go to the bathroom and run away as fast as he can... HAHA

    Even if you don't say it, your body language and other things you do will say it...

    So try to practice some inner tai-chi and self control...

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  • What you describe in the last paragraph is seriously f****ng immature...Not getting the guy's consent to have a baby can only end bad. He might not marry you, most likely he WON'T even take care of the baby. Just a very very very bad idea.

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  • Jesus you're a horrible person if your goal is too trap a guy into marriage by purposfully getting pregnant. And take in mind, just because you get prego, doesn't mean a guy will marry you. Seriously, either be paintent, or get a car and go out. Force yourself to meet new people. The reason you can't get a guy is because you're desperate and guys can sense that. Seriously, work on yourself and be happy being single and that's when you'll get a relationship. Nobody wants a desperate chick, keep that in mind.

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    • I don't care about trapping a guy because whenever you have sex there's a chance you can get pregnant if he doesn't want to get me pregnant he shouldn't have sex with me and if he does its his own fault.

    • Ok if you want to be stuck with some guys kid and watch him take off. there's not as many decent guys in the world as you think there are. Princes only exist until you're about 12 then you get to see how real boys are.

  • You're gonna get a guy pregnant so he has to marry you? Go watch some Maury sweetheart, you'll see that just because a guy gets you pregnant doesn't mean he's gonna marry you. If you keep talking about how all you wanna do is meet a man so you can get married and have babies you're gonna scare all of them away. Why don't you try this, have you heard of those Russian mail order brides? Maybe there's a thing for American mail order brides where some guy will pay to bring you somewhere and he'll marry you and knock you up and then you'll get everything you wanted! Or if you don't want to leave the country go to one of those ICE detention centers and pick out a cutie and ask if he'll marry you, at that point people will do anything to not get deported.

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  • Um, then don't look for a boyfriend online. Just go out there and meet people!

    What the hell tho, hey I mean in this day and age, even if you get pregnant, ur just going to p*ss some guy off. supposed to marry BEFORE you get pregnant (in most cases). Either way, unless he actually wants to have kids with u, he's going to ditch you if you get pregnant. Don't try to trap people into a relationship.

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  • The good thing is that you can easily find a relationship. Any person can find someone to be with... The bad thing is that you can't easily find a good relationship... if you want a good guy, you'll have to be patient. A lot of women make the mistake of settling for a jerk because they don't want to be alone. I'd rather be alone then be with a jerk myself. Good Luck.

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  • This is a terrible attitude... you shouldn't NEED to find fulfillment in someone else. Or assume that whoever you meet will support you and your child. Your mistake is looking for a relationship. You should be looking for the special person to share your life with.

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    • What is the difference

    • The difference is that you're looking for a relationship for the sake of a relationship. You should be looking for the companionship and special bond you get from a PERSON. not a "relationship".

  • the first part of your question made me think "cute"

    the second: scary. I hope you were joking! :D

    don't look for guys. honestly. that lands you creeps. love finds you, just go out, be fabulous, avoid weirdos:) you'll be fine.

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  • Hey Girl!

    Don't worry about it! Sounds like you have brains $ braun and not a whole lot to be worried about. Just keep up with good studying and the right, single, delicious and hopefully rich guy will come along. Although, boosting your confidence couldn't hurt. Get a new sexy haircut or something.

    Kisses!

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  • A relationship doesn't just fall into your lap and say "TA-DA!" there's so many men out there and a lot of them aren't meant for us. Your time will come, if you rush looking for a guy, your going to regret it.

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  • Please please PLEASE go to school. Eventually you'll find the right man for you once your life is on track and men see you have goals and you know where you're going and what you want from life!

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  • I suggest first getting a dog and seeing how that goes. It will consume your time, give you love and attention, and a taste of the responsibility of having to look after something but also be able to give it away. Baby steps, doll.

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  • You freak me out. You're 19, stop thinking about marriage and kids. Go get an education.

    Also, wanting to force someone into marrying you is about the most despicable thing you can do. I would never be able to like you if I were a guy.

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    • I am in college but I would rather have a baby.

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    • I know but I don't want to be an old mom

    • 19 is way too young. Be a mom during your mid twenties, that's better.

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