My Separated Wife is Cheating on Her Boyfriend with Me - Advice?

So I need some feedback, guys. I've been separated from my wife since July of last year when she told me she wasn't happy anymore. A lot of it was my fault, based on my drinking problem. After separation, I continued to drink for 2 more months. I then decided to turn my life around and quit drinking altogether on September 24. Since then I replaced my drinking time with gym time. I've gotten really fit and get lots of attention from girls now. It's strange to me considering I've spend most of my life being rejected by women. So that's new to me. Here's the thing. After the wife and I separated, we still continued to hang out, smoke weed, play cards, and have mind-blowing sex about every other weekend. If there was one thing we were NOT lacking in with our 10 years of marriage, it was INCREDIBLE sex.

Last night, I got to her place to smoke some green, hang out and have some awesome sex. But shortly after I arrived, I noticed her phone was open to a text thread on the couch. I tool a peek and saw messages to a guy named Luis and saw messages like, "I love you, babe", "wanting to see you later" and "please do" from both sides. I still went ahead with our plans but I'm confused as to whether or not I can justify being bothered.

Divorce papers have never been filed because I didn't want a divorce in the first place AND she's not asking for them. I do still secretly hope that we will get back together one day. We still have an amazing relationship, but without the closeness of an actual marriage. I look forward to the little time I do get spend with her (overnight stays and such) and don't want to potentially have that end. But the idea of another guy kinda bothers me.

I'm confused for two reasons: I don't like the idea of another guy. But I also find solace that she's fully capable of and actually cheating on her boyfriend with me.

She does NOT know that I know about Luis.

Should I just continue to let the good times roll?


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What Girls Said 2

  • You guys are either in a relationship or not. Everything else is too complicated. Why go through all that? Choose one or the other. You will eventually tell her you know about Luis because it already bothers you (you posted this question.) Or the other guy will eventually find out what is going on.
    Tell her what you want. If she doesn't want the same find another girl. Guys are good at that. I can't understand why a guy wouldn't mind sharing a girl (as in sexually.)

    • Thank you very much for your comment. You're right... it IS complicated. And I DO mind.

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    • What do you think the repercussions of letting her know that I know about Luis would be?

    • She would get mad that you went through her phone. She might say you are nothing but a good time and Luis is her bf/love. Or she might say both of you mean nothing to her. That's a terrible thing to do to her boyfriend (you are sure he is her bf? Maybe he's just a FWB?)
      She sounds like she has issues too. Both of you need to work on these things together because that is how a couple should be. That is, if she wants you as that again, a bf/husband.

  • You are doomed.


What Guys Said 1

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