My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me two months ago and cut me out of his life completely. The end of our relationship was a little rough as we started arguing really frequently and it got too much. We always were bestfriends for years before dating and in love so I didn't expect him to cut me out of his life completely. As soon as he broke up I started begging, the usual stuff as I was heartbroken. He would completely block me and ignore me but then we spoke a few times only because I contacted him first but he has been pretty cold and mean and doesn't care. I started to work on myself and becoming a better person, I changed myself and realised how immature/needy I was when I was with him and I grew a lot. Although he contacted me first one time when I got into a crash and for the first time we had a good civil conversation. But the last time we spoke he gave me an indication after months saying we could be in each other's lives in the future but not anytime soon bc I stress him out and I felt like it's not fair for me to have to suffer and wait when he's living his life so I sent him a text explaining all my feelings and told him it's soon or never and to stop playing games, it was a little mean on my behalf but I really love him and i stood up for myself, I'm just afraid that he'll think I'm the same old argumentive girl and that he did good by leaving me and think bad things about me rather than the good things. I don't know if I should apologise or not. I usually text him every week or two weeks with a similar type of message and he knows that, so I was thinking of not contacting him for a month.. but I don't know if that would make a difference because he doesn't talk to me. Maybe he would hate me more. I really want him back even as a friend for now and I would do anything to make it happen. I just don't know what to do about the whole situation. Any ideas?
*** I DON'T WANT TO HEAR MOVE ON OR FOCUS ON YOUR SELF BLAH BLAH. I ALREADY KNOW THIS SHIT. I HAVE DONE ALL THAT IS REQUIRED AND HEALED. IM LOOKING FOR WAYS TO GET MY EX BACK NOT LOSE OUT***
I want to start off by being friends as I don't want to jump into a relationship straight away, the space apart has helped me and made me a better person so i want to show that first and work on making it better and build a healthy friendship before we do anything further