So we just broke up recently with a girlfriend of four years. We are each others first love. We had the happiest moments of our lives together and yet the saddest as well. It's been a ride, very intenseand that brought fights. We had 1 previous week, week long and at the end while I'm abroad, I told her I'm done out of frustration. I guess it was a breaking point for both of us. Both knew it wasn't 100% thing but she jumped on it. The very same day she went out with a coworker she told she was attracted to, I told her not to and it was the last topic of our fight. They apparently kissed and she went to his house the very same night and is there ever since. They've done almost everything but no sex, guy didn't even get fully naked but these are semantics. I'm her first and only so far, so it's just too special for her, so she says. Anyway, though she tells she doesn't love the guy and prolly still loves me, she wants to be with the guy because it's all chill n she feels happy, no worries. I'm too intense and too much pain for her apparently. So is she for me tbh. Out of love I tried to tell her I'll fight but there's no point. She's going after it while breakin every promise and discarding me. At this point I feel she's not cut me off because she still cares a lot about me and wouldn't want me to disappear from her life. I don't want to do that too, tbh. The intimacy we had, prolly won't have with anyone else. I don't really have raw hatred , I'm just heartbroken and damaged for good, I feel. Anyway, next week I'm meeting her for closure at my request and we're gonna spend some last days because I wanna end everything at a good note. I want her to be happy tbh. When we spoke some days ago, she said ''I feel like some day some time I'll always end up with you''. That just ruins everything. We're not cutting contact fully for sure but prolly a break of any relationship for a while and then who knows. How can I move on from the love of my life?
I feel like she's holding off a lot before seeing me because she's maybe afraid to hurt me too much. I know she still cares a lot. I wish she didn't end everything that way, so disrespectful. How can I get her to be completely honest about everything we're about to talk, so it's easier to move on? So far she's avoiding me at all costs over whatsapp whenever it gets serious and about the situation. Why can that be?
She also keeps telling me all about the new guy and what a great personality he has and nice person, treats her so well, cares so much. What's she even trying to do with that? Only trying to tell me what was going wrong with us from her behalf? I know all these already and she knows it. I dont know. Is she trying to hurt me on purpose? Why would you do that? Or is she trying to force me move on and stop caring about her?