How to move on from an ex who left you over an attraction?

So we just broke up recently with a girlfriend of four years. We are each others first love. We had the happiest moments of our lives together and yet the saddest as well. It's been a ride, very intenseand that brought fights. We had 1 previous week, week long and at the end while I'm abroad, I told her I'm done out of frustration. I guess it was a breaking point for both of us. Both knew it wasn't 100% thing but she jumped on it. The very same day she went out with a coworker she told she was attracted to, I told her not to and it was the last topic of our fight. They apparently kissed and she went to his house the very same night and is there ever since. They've done almost everything but no sex, guy didn't even get fully naked but these are semantics. I'm her first and only so far, so it's just too special for her, so she says. Anyway, though she tells she doesn't love the guy and prolly still loves me, she wants to be with the guy because it's all chill n she feels happy, no worries. I'm too intense and too much pain for her apparently. So is she for me tbh. Out of love I tried to tell her I'll fight but there's no point. She's going after it while breakin every promise and discarding me. At this point I feel she's not cut me off because she still cares a lot about me and wouldn't want me to disappear from her life. I don't want to do that too, tbh. The intimacy we had, prolly won't have with anyone else. I don't really have raw hatred , I'm just heartbroken and damaged for good, I feel. Anyway, next week I'm meeting her for closure at my request and we're gonna spend some last days because I wanna end everything at a good note. I want her to be happy tbh. When we spoke some days ago, she said ''I feel like some day some time I'll always end up with you''. That just ruins everything. We're not cutting contact fully for sure but prolly a break of any relationship for a while and then who knows. How can I move on from the love of my life?

Updates:
I feel like she's holding off a lot before seeing me because she's maybe afraid to hurt me too much. I know she still cares a lot. I wish she didn't end everything that way, so disrespectful. How can I get her to be completely honest about everything we're about to talk, so it's easier to move on? So far she's avoiding me at all costs over whatsapp whenever it gets serious and about the situation. Why can that be?
She also keeps telling me all about the new guy and what a great personality he has and nice person, treats her so well, cares so much. What's she even trying to do with that? Only trying to tell me what was going wrong with us from her behalf? I know all these already and she knows it. I dont know. Is she trying to hurt me on purpose? Why would you do that? Or is she trying to force me move on and stop caring about her?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She might be trying to make you jealous.
    She probably felt that you touched her ego, so it's a way to show you that she can live without you and get attention from other men.
    Anyways, she sounds immature.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop messaging her effective immediately. No contact for a month. If by the end of the month she's literally knocking down your front door to contact you then mission accomplished. If she doesn't message at all then time to move on. Spend time with your friends and get out there and do the things you always wanted to!

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    • Yeah, that's what we're gonna do after the closure because we're finishing it while there's still love. She's not coming back, even if it's just out of stubborness and that's not what I'm trying to accomplish anymore. I just wanna move on. . She really wants complete freedom right now because she feels she's missing out. She's a lot younger than me. Tbh she used to read this site but who knows if she'll see this and that doesn't even matter anyway.

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    • It doesn't let me pm as I have 1 xperπŸ€” Could you pm me please

    • @prettygirl8 PMed you πŸ‘

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • Just try to keep ur minf busy with se activities n leave it time

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  • there is no easy answer and it's going to take time. The time it takes you may be different from the time it takes me. Just immerse yourself in the emotion and one day it will feel less. Take care

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  • Do you feel that you can trust her? Trust is essential. Sometimes people do foolish things out of hurt but if she truly caresbyou won't have to Doubt.

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  • if she is the love of your life, you should never tell her to have a "break" and you should just have told her that you guys will work it through because you love her too much :(

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  • I think she's trying to distract herself, no actually I think she's stupidly forcing herself not to think about you. She's hurt and so are you. People do some crazy shit after loosing the love of their life. I'm very sorry for you both.

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    • Yeah, it sucks so much when we know we're the love of our lives. Losing that is unexplainable pain. I can't stop thinking about her and find distractions while she's succesfully doing it. Guess that hurts even more, though it's the right thing.

      ''Some day, some time, we'll always end up together''

      This is what we both feel and mention. But how can I move on from this and forget about it? It's just not healthy. This wouldn't allow me to move on completely. That's what my brain says. Isn't it wrong to leave a door open for both of us? Or is it justified since we both know we're the love of our lives?

    • Forgive her... now that's a great title for a new movie "some day, some time, we'll always end up together. We should cast people now and make a few Oscar's while we're at it ;)

    • Oh, I already forgave her everything she's done. Love does that. Nothing's one sided and I see my own mistakes. I just can't seem to forgive her for giving up on us :/ When we promised each other that we'd fight it every time, whatever it is, no matter what it is, and not leave or look for answers outside. The things I forgave her and she can't forgive my own mistakes and fight it together. Especially when she'd get what she always wanted from me this time. So therefore, what is left of me but just to move on?) I know we both will regret letting this go some day and that's whats scaring me. Regret is poison. No cure.

      Also haha Yeah, let's start casting. Who'd you cast? ;D That also sounds close to a song ''Be together'' -Major Lazer. She started quoting it everywhere once we got into this. After I got to read real meaning on genius. com , it just made it worse. She's doing all this but at the same time hopes that we'll be together some day. She sacrifices us for present freedom and fun

What Guys Said 2

  • Easily why waste my time with someone that was so easily swayed to leave?

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  • Russian rulllet

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    • That'd suit as she's Russian. lmao

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