Would you break up with your SO over this?

My boyfriend doesn't clean his room. Ever. Its disgusting, i had to nag him for two weeks before hed wipe his windowsill down after i saw mould growing on it! Mould!

He keeps saying his room is a representation of his mind, cluttered and disorganised.
I say its a bad representation of him. Lazy, dirty and unambitious.

He still has the "study bunk" he and his siblings all had as kids because if he didn't he wouldn't be able to fit a bed in amongst all his shit. He has two desks because his first one got completely covered in shit. You literally can't see the floor.

No seriously. Im not saying that in the way parents say it when you drop a single shirt on the floor. You CANNOT see his floor.

He owns more books then he could ever read.
He complains of having no money then happily spends what he does have on more shit to fill his room.

And he doesn't seem to have any motivation. He spends all his time on the computer on youtube or making videos FOR youtube, or just playing games.
He works at a Salvos which is fine but its not paid work so its not getting him anywhere. So now he's not even looking for a job because he thinks unpaid work that he has to take the bus to get to (thus wasting money everyday) is good enough!

I dont know what to do. I dont want to be in a relationship where im supporting my partner just cause he's not taking any steps to do so himself, but...
I dont know what to do.

I feel like its a petty reason to break up.

What do you guys think would you break up with this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude is a joke but if he's content with it then so be it. I personally would never associate myself with someone like that romantically. The room part I can get, to an extent, but purposely filling it with tons of shit? Then not getting an actual job? Yeah fuck that.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Is this an intelligence test?
    ... srsly

    Or, have you already decided to break up with the boy, and you're just looking for confirmation here?

    Because... y'know, you aren't exactly making this one hard for us. 😂

    I mean. Not only didn't you mention a *single* redeeming quality of this boy, but... you said (in one of the comments) that you basically don't even have a physical relationship. Like... what? Gurlfrennnnn

    So... Help us out here. What are some possible reasons NOT to end this relationship-that-kinda-doesn't-deserve-to-be-called-a-relationship-anyway?

    __

    By the way --

    I've written this before, but, breaking up over different standards of cleanliness is NOT petty.
    In fact, that kind of difference is such a big deal that it is GUARANTEED to destroy a relationship/marriage.

    What I mean is -- if one person is MUCH more of a "neat freak" than the other, then, EVEN IF THEY ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER IN EVERY OTHER IMAGINABLE WAY, THAT RELATIONSHIP WILL **STILL** BREAK DOWN in the long run.

    Because, in that situation, the only thing that makes logical sense is for the neater person to do MOST of the cleaning, ALL of the time (once they live together). Obviously it would be unfair -- not to mention spoiled rotten -- to expect the messier person to exert the SAME amount of time and effort, to meet a standard that brings her/him absolutely no satisfaction at all (and may even *bother* her/him, if it's TOO neat).

    I mean, this is just simple common sense. [In the same way, if you're gna be super picky about yr food (whether for health/performance reasons or just because you're weird), then, you better be willing to cook yr own food.]
    But -- for reasons I'll never understand -- super neat people ALWAYS expect an equivalent effort from their partners, and ALWAYS feel intense resentment at doing a majority of the cleaning **even though that's the only resolution that makes any sense**. This WILL happen. And it WILL poison the rl.

    I mean, look. Except for my nice clothes, I'm a slob. I HATE excessively tidy environments. I can't even concentrate mentally if my surroundings are too neat.
    I have a girlfriend whose house I don't even go to, because it's so perfectly spotless -- like a builder's model home -- that I feel like I'm going to accidentally ruin it. (They have pristine WHITE carpets, for gawd's sake.) And I am definitely not lazy, or dirty, or unambitious.

    But, mold? Yeah fuck that. It should NEVER reach a point of threatening yr health.

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    • Oh and speaking of threatening yr health -- If you "make the bed" every day as soon as you get out of it... well, you shd stop doing that.

      https://news.BBC.co.uk/2/hi/health/4181629.stm

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    • I would likely be relieved. Been thinking about that too.

    • Well... It sounds like you know what The Right Decision is, here.

      Still won't necessarily be easy, even once yr heart and soul are 100% on that side -- If you've just never **ended** something before, then, it will prl be a heart-wrenching experience no matter what.
      ... But, those are the experiences from which you ultimately GROW.

      Good luck bb. ♥️

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 19

  • i think you should he sounds lazy, disgusting and just waste of time when you can find someone whos better and who knows maybe this would be he's wake up call

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  • Meh. Depends on if you like him for something other than his success and lifestyle. Since you think it's questionable I'm going to default to yes, you should. Because It's clearly not what you want.
    Does your current job pay a lot more than his?

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  • If it is messy enough for long enough you can end up with mold because the room will not have enough room to circulate the air out and let enough moisture out. That would be a health risk. The mold spores could sprout. You could get black mold which could cause: Mental and neurological problems
    Respiratory problems
    Circulatory problems
    Vision and eye problems
    Skin problems
    Immune system problems
    Reproductive system problems
    Tiredness and discomfort
    Other illnesses and health effects

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  • Yes I would. You shoukd to. You could never live with him. Even if marriage isn't your end goal you still would live with a partner lol.

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  • Unmotivated men are a waste of space. What they can't do for themselves, they would never do for you. Leave while you still can. You would not be petty. You would be smart.

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  • yes if that's how someone takes care of their room I'll be scared to learn their personal hygiene then poor income is also is bad. the book thing well you can never have to many books but if their just piled up somewhere and not properly taking care of then yeah that's bad

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    • I've got no real issue with the books, my own collection probably almost rivals his. But I've read just about every single book i own. he's read maybe a tenth of what he owns.
      there's no point owning and spending money on books if they will only sit in piles or, if theyre lucky, on a shelf.

  • He might have a mental disorder. You're to young for facing that type of relationship. Obvioualy he needs help. Please dont trye to be a super girl since the help he needs is professional.

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  • It's not petty. He's gross. Tell him that you can't deal with a slob

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  • You sound like you are sick of him. He is your boyfriend not husband. Get rid of him.

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  • You can't change him get him in a group cuz thEy much clutter is a sign of they nead help from a shrink it's sum thing there trying to substatute for an they can't see it

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  • Course.

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  • um yeah i have high standards

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  • 😂 lol it is your fault, better leave him and give him some peace,😩 ..

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  • Yes hygiene is important

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  • You need to ask yourself one simple thing, why did you start dating him.. and if that reason still draws you to him, then don't have breaking up on your mind, just jetty enjoy what you have, don't support him though.. don't pay for any of his shit..

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  • It depends on what you want. If you want a long term relationship and he is a candidate, not the best option. If he has a nice schlong and that's what you're in for, stay.

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  • Cleanliness is next to godliness

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  • leave him

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  • I'd break up with you if I were him for being such a bitch

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What Girls Said 12

  • Yes... i ended a friendship with a girl because I couldn't handle the way her house smelled and I always felt uncomfortable being in her room/house. One time I left a gift I had gotten for my sister in her car and when I went back to get it a few days later, the bag was ripped, the ferrero rochet chocolates were on the floor, smooshed, along with the candle and coffee mug I had bought. And the candle box was messed up too and looked like someone had stepped on it! It was difficult being friends with her while realizing that she had no respect for her own belongings, but the fact that she didn't have the decency to respect mine either was what really pushed me over the edge. The fact that you're in a romantic relationship with this man means that what's yours will eventually become his. The way that he treats his stuff is a reflection of the way that he will treat your belongings... so think about whether or not you're okay with that.

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    • Egh i had a friend like that.

      Funnily enough SHE stopped being friends with ME! XD
      All i did was call her lazy for refusing to wash the dishes so i could make food. And now she hates me cause i told the truth, ah.
      Some people...

      But though, at least the only damage MY ex friend did to my shit was out of ignorance for how to look after it, not out of pure negligence.

  • hi hunny, read this back and see your future, thats your answer... xx

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  • That type of hoarding and uncleanliness is a health hazard. Also, he's unmotivated? He's not a real man in my opinion then. You shouldn't have to push a man. You need to break up and move on.

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  • It's gross, but I'd try to help him out a little

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  • forget Everything

    how are you having sex with him with that hygiene level of his?

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    • I can count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex.
      And it's been a year and a half.

      So in other words... I'm not having sex with him haha

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    • Egh, stupid shit that im struggling to ignore.

      I dont want to hurt him. he's told me multiple times that if youd told him a couple years ago that hed be in a relationship with ME of all people hed have killed himself to avoid false hope.
      Pretty sure he meant for that to make me feel good? I think? No idea. It didn't do that. Made me feel like shit actually.

      And i really really REALLY dont want him to go back to thinking he's worthless... I mean he still kinda thinks that but... he's gotten better.

      I had absolutely no idea what i was getting into when we started dating. Wed been friends for a year first but... Apparently he holds a lot back from friends...

    • then find some excuse like " I want to focus in my career, etc" to break up with him

  • I wouldn't break up him over that. If it's a deal breaker for you, then you should break up with him.

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  • Yes, leave him. He can't be a responsible person. His habits tell that.

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  • He sounds unmotivated which is a character flaws. I would let him go

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  • Are you supporting him financially? I wouldn't do that, that's just throwing money away.
    I think someone like him has to get into serious trouble for his behavior sometime, so he has a reason to change. Like not getting money from you or his parents anymore.

    I broke up with an ex because of a slightly similar reason. He cleaned. But he lived off of junk food, complained all day long, had zero ambition and was super jealous and clingy. He never wanted to do anything besides gaming and watching netflix with me. I felt suffocated, annoyed and bored.

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    • I dont support him. The most i do money wise is that i bought a game for him (40 bucks that i could -at the time- afford to waste) and pay for us both when we go on a date.

  • I personally wouldn't. But if it upsets you that much, why not just break up? XD XD

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  • You should clean his room up as a surprise or say I will do that thing that you like if we clean up.

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    • Hah, no you don't touch his stuff. He doesn't outwardly go off at much but that WILL make him go off. Massively.

      Five year old tantrum basically. That will then last for months.

    • Damn you should have him watch something about the dangers of mess that could help him clean up

  • Leave while you can you're not his mom and your not gonna live with that and have to clean up after him.

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