If you love her, set her free... should I stay or split?

After 20 years of back and forth drama and verbal abuse, I'm ready to throw in the towel. I've held myself back for years and I'm ready to separate, eventually​ divorce. He's really upset about it. I just broke the news yesterday. He's buying all kinds of gifts for me; a frikkin MacBook Air!!! Wines, oil changes... I'm not materialistic so this is making me very uncomfortable. I want to move out and on.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This sounds like a similar situation with my ex and I. She held back with me and didn't tell me what she was feeling, thinking, or wanting. After 15 years of marriage, she flat out blind-sided me and simply said it was over.

    Like @BTBC92 said, men aren't mind readers. We also don't take hints well either. We generally like it flat out stated whats going on. I realized - after it was too late to change, what part I played in that problem. We were both to blame, but I can't fix in me, what I don't know is broken. So unless she told me, I was going to blindly go on doing what I always did.

    Her problem was verbal conflict. She hated it - period and wouldn't take on the difficult task of explaining to me what changes I needed to make. That was 24 years ago. Fast forward to today. I've since remarried, just celebrated our 19th anniversary this week. I'm not saying this has been all roses and happy days. My current wife and I have had some serious nuclear arguments - especially in the first 5 years of our marriage. Today - hardly any.

    I can't tell you not to get a divorce, especially if your mind's made up to get one. But if you haven't gone through the steps to let him know what the F he's been doing wrong, then this is your fault. 20 Years is a LONG time to put up with stuff. I just hope you thought this through carefully before chucking that much of yours and his life away.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • What is going on in your marriage that you want a divorce that's so bad? OTHER than the verbal abuse? I think that you shouldn't divorce your husband as long as he is not physically abusing you. He's trying to make it work and you just want to split up a family over your's and his choices. You have 20 years together. Is it worth you being an ass, excuse my french, because your husband doesn't know how to properly love you? I think you need to seriously look at yourself in the mirror first before you do such a jerkish thing as divorce. But it's up to you. Another woman will gladly take him as long as he has a conscience to say he's sorry by giving you gifts. HE Wants to make it work. Tell him what you NEED and WANT, let alone expect your marriage to be. Because if you neglect to tell him that prior. The one at fault is not him for the 20 years of failure in this marriage. It is you that failed. Set the ultimatum and give him a chance to change. If he doesn't try to work it out, then make that choice. Because how you're doing this why the divorce rate is done by 70% of women, and men no longer wanting to marry and treating other women, including me and you like trash. And if you were sexually active with him before marriage, and you knew he was like this before and allowed this, all I can say is shame on you for knowing. Can't stop you from divorcing him, but I just find this really sad. He clearly wants to be with you. But he has to earn it. Men are not mindreaders. He doesn't know what you want if you don't tell him verbally. Show and tell him how he can earn your trust and respect.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You answered your own question. Ditch him. Why would you willing stay in that situation if you have the opportunity to leave and be happy.

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  • You should've left long ago.

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