How can I nicely dump my boyfriend?

We’ve been dating for five years, but I never really loved him. I think I was just infatuated, as he was my first serious boyfriend. However, any feeling I once had for him was gone soon after our first year together. Not because he was a bad person; I just grew tired of having him around. I don’t even know why I got tired of him – maybe because he’s always so nice and ultra boring. So I started to sleep with other guys. I didn’t want it to be an ongoing thing, but it’s been happening for the last four years. I’ve never had the courage to tell him we should break up. I obviously haven’t told him anything about those other guys I’ve fucked either.

This whole situation wasn’t a problem until two weeks ago, when I found out through a close friend of ours that he’s thinking about proposing. The problem is that, as I have never dumped anyone before, I don’t know how to do it now, and I have to dump him soon. I can’t ask my friends for help either because they’re the kind of people that won’t stop bothering me until I tell them the truth. And if I tell them the truth, they’ll probably shun me for the rest of my life.

Updates:
Anyone with a valid answer?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It is always good to be honest and gentle at the same time, but also firm. You need to say that you think you have given the relationship a try and without there being one specific thing, you dont see your future together. Life is short, you are both young and you should not waste time being together with the wrong person. He may not see it this way right now, but inevitably he will catch up and it is best to part now and remain friends.

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    • God no, hope we won't remain friends after the break up.

    • I dont think he will want to remain friends, but you should still take that approach.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Unfortunately there's no nice way to dump someone. Let him know your feelings have changed and it's best to part ways.

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    • But what am I to tell him when he asks why we should part ways? I can't simply tell him I've been cheating on him.

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    • Yeah, I, too, think they'd side with my boyfriend.

    • Thanks for the MHO, best of luck :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • Just let him know you're a lying, filthy, treacherous, cheating, horrible excuse for a human being and I bet the problem solves itself.

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  • So the girl who apparently stopped loving her boyfriend after 1 year, decided to stay with him for another 4 but cheated on him the whole way through... Is now worried about how to 'nicely' dump him? Wow, what a nice person! A horrible one would have just realized the relationship wasn't working after the first year, told him that, went separate ways and not wasted his time and cheated on him for another 4! This whole story sounds complete bullshit, you really haven't thought it through have you? You could have at least made it logical.

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    • I'm guessing you've never been stucked with a person before.

  • You're a terrible person. Honestly. You're probably going to destroy this guy and it was uncalled for. seriously? 4 years? You are the reason men don't respect women.

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    • My boyfriend is quite respectful though...

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    • Probably is a troll and I hope it is

    • Alright, then.

  • Dont listen to all these people saying you are a bad person for cheating while the relationship is on going. It doesn't make you a bad person. But keeping him on the hook for so long is not good, I understand you hate the thought of him being devastated but letting him know that you are not happy in the relationship and haven't been for a while is the best for both of you.

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  • just sit down. maybe give him a hug and tell him you are sorry but you need to move on. be compassionate but definitely let it go by now.

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  • Sounds like a troll to me

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    • Okay. Another useless opinion.

    • To a useless and quite fake question. You're welcome

  • just talk to him.. no matter what you are fucked either way..

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  • " he’s always so nice and ultra boring" this is why we should treat women badly

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    • Well, maybe then we would care more about our guys.

    • what? so we should treat women badly?

  • Stop it and dump him. Just like my girlfriend did, Thank God I noticed her texting someone else last week. Little bitch was just pretending to be with me. Fuck You cheaters, you destroy people.

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    • Lol sorry, mate, I didn't mean to trigger you.

  • Be upfront with me and tell him you have cheated on him with other guys and that you don't desire him as your man anymore.

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    • Hmmm I don't think he'll take it nicely if I tell him I've been cheating on him for years.

  • just break up with him say he's boring and you want to move on cause apparently you already did hoe

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    • Does calling me names make you feel better?

    • a little but a swift kick in the ass would be better

  • I'm going to be nice and just say this. You should have been honest with him about your changing feelings as soon as you realized it instead of letting the relationship drag on. Why didn't you just tell him back then?

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    • Because I didn't know how to tell him that. I still don't.

  • Tell him he first share same interest

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  • I feel so sorry for him. you don't deserve to be treated nicely. the key to a relationship is to communicate and it was your mistake that you didn't communicate your boredom 4 years ago and let it be now. do you know that he might wreck his life because of this? 5 years is not a joke. I despise your behavior with this. sorry but I'm being very blunt.

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    • Eh... communication has never been my forte.

    • you'll have to learn and make it work. if not you will always have difficulties.

What Girls Said 8

  • I know what it feels like to be stuck with someone. I know how it is. It's so awful and you don't know what to do bc u can't break there heart. But trust me when I say... PLEASE know I am telling the truth.. YOU ARE HURTING HIM 1000000 TIMES WORSE BY BEING WITH HIM. You have basically given him trust issues and anxiety and lowered his self esteem and a million other things or at least will when you tell him. Don't tell him... please don't. It'll only make things worse for him. You need to tell him though that you just don't click with him anymore and it's over. Then disappear and never talk to him again because you are truly awful for doing that and if he knows then it will destroy him COMPLTELY. Not that you care as u already said but still... Like just tell him the simplest of the details and get out

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  • "I don't want this to be an ongoing thing, but it's been happening for the past 4 years"

    dump him. he deserves better.

    you are serious trash. #sorrynotsorry

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    • How am I supposed to dump him without letting him know I've been cheating?

    • Step 1: Stop being a shitty human being and a coward.

      Step 2: Own up to your mistakes. It honestly sounds like you don't even care.

      Step 3: Make sure before you break this guy's heart into a million pieces that he knows it was your fault you couldn't be mature enough to have a relationship. He didn't actually do anything wrong, you just didn't want one. I mean come on, your biggest complaint was "he was too nice".

      Seriously just be honest and grow up. I'm sick of people like this making excuses and playing victim like they're the one that's got problems in the relationship.

    • @PhillyDragon91 Pardon? I'm not playing the victim here. I don't know where you got this idea from.

  • I think you should let him down easy before he proposes. The best thing to do is be to the point about breaking up, but be settle about it. You probably want to end the relationship before you get too used to cheating on him.

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  • Say "hey little nigga, I'm taking you to the trash because I'm dumping you ass" it has a nice ring to it because It rhymes

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  • There is no "nice" way to dump anyone. Just break up with him, give him valid & logical reasons & walk away.

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    • The only logical reason I can think of is telling him that there's been other guys, but I don't think it's a good idea to tell him the truth.

    • Obviously!!! Find out what you used to fight about a lot & use that as a break up reason. Also don't date the new guy immediately then he will know. Be smart in things like this.

  • 5 years? Waste of time

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    • Agreed. I wish could go back in time and relive those years without him.

  • You shouldn't have wasted his time like that. I hope after you break up he realizes he deserves to be treated a lot better and moves on.

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    • Well, to be fair, I've treated him quite decently.

  • ... I have no words, I am disgusted with your behavior. Dump him so he can have someone that he deserves.

    Now I see why guys have trust issues..

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    • Because they're all idiots?

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