I think my ex is trying to hurt me and make me jealous on purpose?

So when me and my ex were together he had this "best friend" he's know for 8 years and we were together for almost 4 years. For all of our relationship he has refered to her as his "ex best friend" and most of the time he would go talk to her about me or what we were fighting about to her. Throughtout our entire rship he would talk to her off and on and it didn't bother me cause I didn't want to seem like the jealous girlfriend type but everytime we broke up and I would go to a family members house he would immediately start talking to her and come to find out he was making sex jokes with her but from what I saw she did not feel the same way, meaning she did not acknowledged his sex comment and he let it go! He did this twice that I saw on fb, he's deleted messages because he said he feared what I would think. They would talk for hours (something we never did) and he said at one point he wanted to marry her when they were good friends way before we met and she treated him like she understood him (which he says I don't). About a month before we broke up he blocked her on fb and told her he wanted to focus on me and his daughter. And then after we broke up he reactivated his fb account, unblocked her to get her number the deactivated his fb account again just to talk to her again. They have phone sex (from what I can tell) he calls her baby but he says they're not together. doesn't this sound like he wants to be with her but won't it admit to me or himself? Also he says that she doesn't see him in that way so I don't know if that is a reason why he says he doesn't want to be with her and he admitted to me he wanted to have sex with her don't know if he still does.


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What Guys Said 1

  • If this is your ex, why are you even concerned about who he is talking to or what he is doing with this person? Is it really any of your business? That was a lot to read so maybe I missed something, but if you are broken up with him how do you know what he is doing on FB or on his phone?

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    • 1. We have a child together and I don't want her around my child 2. this is the same person he's been talking to on and off while we were together talking about our rship business with 3. To this day he still says he wants to get back together (even though he doesn't want to admit so he says)

    • 4. I feel he's purposely trying to make me jealous because he admitted after I asked that HE REACHED OUT TO HER AND THAT HE WANTS TO FUCK HER BUT SHE DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT HIM ALLEGEDLY BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE HIS PHONE OR FB MESSAGES

What Girls Said 1

  • I can't say that he is consciously trying to hurt you, but it sounds like a somewhat unhealthy relationship beyond that.

    When you feel truly loved in a healthy relationship you don't have to worry about your partner's friendships. The fact that you did worry indicates that you weren't getting something that you needed.

    As you have a child with him (assuming his child is also yours) you can't cut him out totally. I would try to distance yourself and keep contact about the child.

    He sounds like he has no idea what he wants or needs and flip flops back and forth.

    You deserve to be with someone who loves you, treats you well, and you can rely/trust.

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    • The child is both of ours and he knows it and claims her. It's just hard for me to let go and move and distant myself because I wannna know the answer to the question so bad: does he truly want to be in a relationship with her regardless if she wants one with him or not. Also what do I literally have to do to move on or let go?

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    • Over time you can really believe that you have value and deserve to be treated better. At that point you can usually see your previous relationships without rose colored glasses. You can see their poor behavior/choices and things you might have done too. The anger and hurt fades and let's you open to new things.

    • Why is knowing if he wants to be in a relationship with her or not so important for you to know? It just seems really unhealthy for your own sanity to worry about something that you shouldn't really worry about anymore. Cheshirecat89 has good advice.

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