Should one keep contact with their ex?

As some of you might have seen I broke up with my boyfriend some days ago. The thing is we told each other we would always be there for one another and that we would be friends. We ended it really well no hard feelings, we like each other but it did work out with the distance. Now we have been texting every day, is that a good idea? Or should I try to no talk to him as much? How has your experience with your exs been?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've only had one "ex." (To be honest I hate the term because of the negative connotations that go with it.) We parted on good terms and she remains one of my all time best friends. I'd be an idiot to give that up. My advice is, don't give up your friendship simply because he's your "ex." You were in a relationship and now you aren't. You're supposed to break off your friendship simply because you were closer before? I think people who part on good terms should never just give up the relationship (in terms of friendship). If people call you foolish for doing maintaining the friendship, that's their problem. Don't keep yourself from a good thing just because it isn't part some social norm.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I only stayed friends with my first ex, when we were 18. We dated for around 5 months. When we met we didn't even got to know each other, we just hooked up the very next day and made our relationship official, lol. This was because of me, because I was young and I thought that's how it goes. I was a student and he was a street artist. I was very controversial and shy, and he was very open minded, outgoing and confident. He was 2 years older then me and he already slept with bunch of girls. He was also drinking alcohol and smoking weed at the time, while I was not. Well you can imagine why it didn't work out. I started smoking weed with him and skipping my classes (initiated by me), and he felt like he is a bad influence for me. We had a nice talk about it all and decided we should breakup because he wasn't ready to change because of me. We enjoyed each other's company and even though he had terrible habits, he was a great guy to me. We promised to stay friends and now 10 years later we are still close friends. He's one of my best friends. :)
    P. S. He still didn't change a bit. :D

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 23

  • i think you should or can keep in touch with an ex only if you are truly friends with them. and then only if you can truly be friends without sort o the shadow of that past relationship constantly coming up... otherwise there really isn't a point in it

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  • I think you should just let it run its course. If there's no reason making it absolutely necessary to break off contact then don't. It seems like y'all are taking this break up really well so don't stress over the age old stereotype that exes need to be forgotten. you're still friends so be friends

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  • I don't talk with any of my exes. They're exes for a reason and belong in the past.

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  • I tried but at the end it was just too much and it didn't work out even though I did everything for her and took her around the world traveling and she lived with me as well. it's a shame but some people are just hardcore hard

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  • I had a situation EXACTLY like this... it's scary haha. Hopefully you're not my ex lol! Anyways to answer your question, keep in contact with him. My ex kinda just let it go after we promised each other we would remain friends. She got weird, and I got pushed so far away.

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  • When when one of you will meet someone else this relationship will end. In the meantime it's toxic and prevents you from moving on.

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  • If my first ex contacted me, I would need to see a shrink or an exorcist, because she passed on.

    When my second ex contacts me it tends to be quick, short and infrequent. I give her quick pointed advise, like if you want a relationship to last, stop sleeping with every guy you meet.

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  • I still have my ex-wife and an ex-gf as a friend. I know my ex-gf wants me back but that's not going to happen.

    It all comes down to what you're comfortable with. If you feel that your current path will put you two back together, and you don't want that, then break it off now.

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  • Nope. You broke up with him for a reason. No need to stay friends. That is very likely to bring trouble into your future relationship.

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  • New guys will not enjoy this. you should reconsider

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    • Why wouldn't them?

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    • My and my ex don't live in the same country and we were friend many years before getting together. And now we don't want to waste that time cuz we trust each other.. but maybe you are right I don't know

    • That's a good move. You'll want attention to be more physical soon enough, so that's likely in your best interest.

  • Perhaps if you had a good friendship before the relationship.
    I've always found it easier to move on with my life without contact, because after the relationship ends I can't see them as just a friend.
    This makes the breaking up harder as you are not only losing your partner, but also a good friend.

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    • Before i though that we were friends before our relationship but looking back now I realize that we were always really flirty.. it feels weird to write without been "fun" and "flirty"

    • I probably break all contact with him.. but it feels wrong, and I promise that I always be there for him if he needs someone to talk to.. I don't know

    • Ok fair enough, at the end of the day you need to find what works for you and makes you happy.

      When I was in my late teens, I dated a girl that did have contact with her ex and that did sour the relationship for me, as she hadn't really let go of him.

      He would act up for attention (he still loved her and wanted to break us up, so they could get back together) and she would bring him up often in conversation, I knew she liked me more, but it was a big turn-off for me that he was in her thoughts so often and I ultimately ended it.

      That's just my experience anyway, good luck.

  • Oh, we should have seen it? LOL
    Talk 'till it doesn't work anymore. Which it will, eventually.

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  • No, they're exes for a reason.

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  • Doesn't sound bad

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  • I think you should keep a contact with him... Its okey to text him... Just make sure he is not into you again as it would make things worse...

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  • Long distance is impossible for and love, especially for teens. Tell him you need to move on and he does, too. Stop texting if there is to need. You're merely acquaintances now.

    Mine? Only that four letter word that unites us all.

    Fear

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    • That sound so sad.. I'm not completely sure I want to cut all contact.. I know he need me, he was a lot of problems with College and so on

  • Cut it out. New men will hate this. Rightfully so.

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    • Why? I can't really see why a new man would hate it?

    • Because men are insecure by nature. In the back of our minds we would think
      that you want to get back together with them. What man in his right man would
      invest in a woman not over her ex? That and we're not going to compete with an
      ex. Whenever women tried this with all I would say is "NEXT !"

  • unless there are kids. i would never want to see my EX again

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  • Be casual and everything is going to be fine... xD
    But don't talk to him much

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  • yes, they should but in a limit.

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  • no, one should not

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    • Im not salong they should, I'm just asking why you say no?
      I'm interested in your opinion

    • why should ex's communicate. give me one good reason. GOOD reason. not the "oh, we can be friends, thing.. we all know, that's not true

  • y always comes next in the sequence but after you catch some z's you realize its over.

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    • what you didn't like the catchy phrase?

    • Oh didn't notice I clicked on dislike

What Girls Said 14

  • In your case, you can continue to be good friends. But if it ended badly, no. Because you need to heal and have time for yourself to reflect. At the same time, you don't need bad influences in your life. That's why you cut all contact, destroy or return back their items and yours, and delete all numbers, photos, video recordings as well. As you said, you both ended on good terms. But most people do not. So it depends on the kind of relationship you have with them.

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  • There isn't really any sort of friendship with any of my exes when it comes to me. For me that's how I prefer things (after a relationship has ended/failed). I find it just easier to move on and I'm able to focus on me.

    If you feel like you need to refrain yourself from talking to him everyday and limit conversations with him, then sure.

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  • Depends what happened between you. If there were problems involved, I would not recommend keeping contact. But if you both agreed to it and it was a "clean" break, I guess it's okay, just be careful with future boyfriends. They might not be comfortable with it.

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    • Oh and experience with my ex? Well, that's a tragic one. We promised to be there for each other and he couldn't stop going on about not wanting anyone else if we broke up. He did exactly the opposite. He blocked me when I said I couldn't handle the pressure from him. I was heatbroken and I still am. It's been a year and I've heard nothing. Ugh I still care, but it doesn't matter. It was just empty words. He has forgotten me. It's hard to move on, I can't sleep sometimes

  • sure, why not? I've started friends with most of mine.

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  • my ex as been an idiot so I stopped contacting. But my first boyfriend knows how to keep that friend zone so we chat smoothly. so I guess it depends on how the ex is behaving

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  • Probably try not to be so reliant on him contacting you. People can be friends with exes. But y'all just now broke up and this would be the ideal time for you to let go a little and focus more on you.

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  • Bad. He became verbally abusive after I dumped him. I no longer talk to him. Besides, I'm married now to a great guy. No room for ex's in our life.

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    • I'm happy you found somebody better that makes you happy! Me and my ex have never talked bad towards each other, should I still cut the contact with him?

    • If its good for you go for it. If any conflicts do come up, than maybe rethink it. Our age range is far apart. So maybe it works for you, just not for me.

  • The more you keep in contact. The slower moving on will be. Nothing wrong with catching up once in a while especially if you were friends before but its best to demote him to acquaintance.

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  • I have no cantact with an ex and I prefer not to. Too much drama

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  • Of course not.

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  • its on you

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  • No , not at all. And especially if u have any feelings for that person. Otherwise play it cool 🙌

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  • Are you two planning to date other people any time soon?

    Or just be "best friends?"

    will you be able to make room for the next person to come into your life or him to meet an amazing woman to make him happy who is there close to him?

    Do you wish him to feel that kind of love?
    Do you wish to have that kind of love with a new man?

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  • i texted a lot with my ex after we broke up, but it faded

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    • How was the texting? Flirting or just regular friends texting?

    • To you think I should end the texting now directly or let it fade with time?

    • @FlorXx we talked like friends, and just ignore him will make him maybe confused if you ended on good turns, just let it fade

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