My girlfriend and I had our first big fight, and I honestly don't think it's something we can come back from?

We've been going out for about a year and she very suddenly brought up some stuff that I had no idea were issues in our relationship. Most of it stems from a lack of communication, we texted a ton about it yesterday and had a lengthy phone call today. I know that couples have fights and work things out and try to improve things, but the phone call was not very productive at all and just really didn't go well. I feel terrible about ending it after our first big fight, because we didn't even try to fix it, but it came on so suddenly that I can't really see this not happening in the future. And after the phone call, she started sending some emotionally manipulative messages like "do I think the relationship should get more serious?" and "I just need to know you want me!!". All of this after about a day of kind of being torn down and not really feeling loved or appreciated myself, so I wasn't in any sort of position, emotionally, to say I wanted her. But have any of you ever broke up after a single fight? How did it go over?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sometimes a fight is necessary to either tighten the relationship or to leave it. You could be with a person for years, and then have one single fight that changes everything.
    The only thing you can do is ask yourself if you are able to co-exist with that person knowing they have different believes and needs, or you can't.
    My ex of four years and I broke up after our second fight, which was exactly the same as our first fight months before that. It was about my insecurities and his lack off showing affection. Even though we thought we solved it in our first fight, it happened again. That's when I realized that we won't ever solve this, that this is who he is and who I am, we were both not willing to change our on own ways for the sake of each other. It was really sad how one little incident can cause a chain reaction of million other incidents. But I believe it was necessary to happen sooner or later.
    I think if you feel it in your heart that this might happen again, that you should breakup. I felt it too but I just couldn't accept it. But hey, some couples can actually fix it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes I have. A girl I was dating was with a guy for three years. They
    decided to get married. He was killed in an auto accident on the way
    to her mother's to tell her. I met her a little more than a year later. We did have sex within a month, which is a MUST with me. But I could feel she
    wasn't giving her all. I questioned her and she said, "I was putting away
    some blankets of ours and it med me sad. I want him ! " I flew off the
    chain ! I said, "GODDAMN you weak ass bitch ! Why did you tell me this
    when we met? I'm not competing with a ghost ! T is dead and you will
    never see him again in this lifetime ! Cry me a river, build a bridge and get the fuck over it !" I threw some money on the table, abruptly left
    and figured we were done. Two days later she shows up and we fuck for two straight days. I won this argument, I'm an Aries an we're very good at arguing. And I didn't apologize. Whys should I? I wasn't wrong. I had a girlfriend get murdered in college and it too me time
    to get over it. But I was considerate enough not to date anyone during my grieving period. It wouldn't have been fair in my mind.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • It's a good thing that you left her. Because she is all about herself and is very immature and selfish. She's blaming you for stuff SHE herself refused to tell you. It's not your fault she didn't get the memo that men aren't mind readers. It's very sad. You clearly said that she is emotionally manipulative with the messages she sent you. Move on. There is nothing that you could have done to fix this. I have never dated before. But common sense just tells you to just learn from this and don't try to always overanalyze every situation. You two just didn't need to be together. But immature people often attract immature people. Learn to mature from whatever bad patterns you have, and learn healthy ways that you couldn't do when you were with her.

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  • No, not over a fight especially if its the first one. I try to calm down and communicate when im more calm and level headed. But what annoys me is men who never want to communicate about it and just want to brush it off and expect me to forget about it. We as females dont operate like that.

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  • Obviously even I would be pissed at you. You never loved her. Coz if you did, you wouldn't have broken up immediately. Weak!!! That's what she thought of you. Weak, coward & a scum. Now she will slowly start to hate you coz you just threw her away like she meant nothing to you.

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  • You got to hold on.
    Its too early for you to give up on your relation.
    Right now hold you calm and keep some distance with her, give yourself some time and then decide what you want.
    You are too heated up to decide anything right now.
    Don't let the heat of the moment ruin a relation.

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  • Fights are normal. If you think you're gonna be in a relationship forever with someone and it's gonna be peaches and roses lol no way. Anyways what's the fight about if I may ask?

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    • what she said

    • It started because I said I didn't want to hang out the other day, because we had hung out a lot recently and I just wanted a day to do errands, clean and do nothing by myself.. I'm introverted, so I need days alone, and she doesn't understand that because she is the opposite. It was also about poor communication, she lets things build up and fester and then let's it all out at once, so it started with her saying that she wants to communicate better but it turned into everything I did to cause that. Most of it was stuff I didn't realize I was doing and because she didn't tell me as it was happening, it made it worse and worse.

    • I'm just gonna guess that you don't really love this girl cuz that's literally nothing to break up over lmao. If you really cared for each other you'd just focus on finding a solution.. Or if you find you're not meeting halfway then just recollect your thoughts for a bit but don't call it quits just cuz you felt a little hurt and exchanged a couple bitter words. Unless the bad times outweighed the good or you just didn't love her much, I'd say you both probs made a mistake lol.

  • your lack of concern is red flag you are not capable of a meaningful relationship

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    • I spent the past day being essentially attacked and then being told that I am over reacting, it is absolutely not a lack of concern, but a lack of respect I have been receiving

  • communication is extremely important in a relationship. I do not mean through text either. I have broken up after a single fight but it escalated to point it needed to end. Cool down and go talk it out with each other.

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What Guys Said 2

  • First I would try to figure out why this happened, why at this point in time. Second I would tell her that you feel like she was tearing you down and trying to manipulate you emotionally. Then after that I would say do try to fix the problem. However fixing the problem requires good communication from both of you, it requires effort from both of you and if she is not doing that, then you might need to end it. As for tearing you down, it could be that she is lashing out because of other things (as people do) in which case she should be apologizing to you for it when you call her out, but if this is a common thing then you need to break up with her because its not your job to do everything she wants while being miserable yourself, a relationship is a give and take, you have to give as much as you take otherwise you will not only be miserable the relationship itself will be a toxic one that won't last.

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  • Listen to the brother and take the emotionally driven statement with a grain of salt.

    I don't give sugar coated feel better type of opinion. I call things out as is. It seems here that there's couple things to be considered here.

    1) An argument definitely occurrs in any human relationship. But notice that often times arguing back isn't the answer. Really hearing a person out and yielding is important. If neither tried being considerate, Good riddance on both parties.
    2) Relationship and marriage isn't about how much you can take from another. It's about how each can serve one another and challenge one another to be better. If people thought of what they can give or offer to another all the time, we wouldn't need to think of what we can get out of it (that is if both had same mindset).
    3) I don't care what feminism spout but ultimately There are lots and lots of women who need someone to lean on at the end of the day. It's on your leadership to help steer them away from further complications and love them. There are plenty of destructive situation that becomethe Brest of situations from a kind reaction to an unkind one. So amazing sometimes what unexpected opposite counter reactions can do to a certain stimulation.

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