My ex said and did confusing things at breakup and now that we haven't spoken in a while, should I try talk to him again to clarify things?

My ex broke up with me due to constant fighting and said we just didn't have matching personalities. This is probably true, but I loved him so much and we had so many other things in common that I didn't want to lose it... so I said can we try again later? He said maybe.

We stayed friends for like 2 months, and we kept seeing eachother but he would text me less and less. He did confusing things like tried to be intimate with me after ignoring me for a week, then when I asked why he was ignoring me he said that he didn't want to make it "seem like he needed me." He continued to give me these ups and downs... we would have good times together then he would remind me that it was just as friends. Regarding us dating, he went from saying he "didn't know for sure " to "I regret saying we might get back together."

Finally, I found out he had used a photo of us with me cropped out on a dating app which I felt was pretty messed up, so I confronted him about this and he never responded to me or called me again.
Its been 4 months and we haven't spoken and I just want answers. I think he loved me, he made a point to say he would always be a part of my life as long as I allowed it, and I know he was conflicted about whether what he did was right or wrong... but I also know he wants to be free/single and to talk to other girls.

I don't know why he just stopped talking to me after he kept saying he loved me as a person/friend and cared deeply for me. I want to ask him why he was so harsh towards me at the end. He said he "felt sorry for me" for hung up on him, but when I said okay then I'll try to move on... and he said "well that's not what I meant."
in my opinion, if he truly loved me and truly didn't want to be with me, he would've flat out said that and we would've talked about the whole thing until we were at a clear understanding and agreement. He never did, he just avoided me and treated me badly until one day we just stopped talking.
I wanna add- we were together for 3 years and have not spoken since the beginning of February, so going on 4 months since we last talked.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You tried seeing if you could be friends afterwards, you couldn't. Even the shittiest relationship ever will have good aspects that will be missed. That does not make the shitty parts any less shitty.
    You were a couple for 3 years. If it was going to work, that was plenty of time to figure things out.
    He is trying to move on, and he tried to let you down easy by saying "maybe someday". You would not let him move on though. Now you can't be friends, because if you are friends, neither of you can move on.

    You need to move on.
    He needs to move on.
    You need to move on for you, but you especially need to stop getting in the way of him moving on.
    Mourning a relationship us just like every other loss. Usually "maybe we can be friends" is either in the denial or bargaining stage. You need to let it go, you both are alive, but your relationship is dead. Until you have both fully accepted that, any false attempts at friendship that are really just ploys to get him back are just poison to both of you.
    Let it go, because whether you let go or not, it's already gone.


Most Helpful Girl

  • If your ex wants to talk to you, believe me, he would. You tried to make it work and he gave up on. Messaging him is literally you saying "You didn't want me. ayou treated me like shit. But here I am begging you again for attention and want you to walk over me again". Do you want him to think you are unable to live without him and give him the satisfaction of knowing his power over you?

    I think you know the answer. move on. His behavior towards you is enough closure. If he cares and wants you he would have reached out ages ago. His heart isn't in this and friendship will not make it better but worse I promise you.

    Choose today to move on and let go. Moving on is a decision you make.


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What Guys Said 4

  • He is not saying flat out that he does not like you, because you are his backup. And he wants to be safe. Until he finds another girl, you will see same response from him. After that, he will ignore you.

    I don't think you should get back with him.

  • He fell in love with you, but after the falling-in-love experience wore off, you two never built a true love. You were probably speeking different love languages so you each felt like you weren't recieving as much as you were giving, and this led to resentment and conflict. As time goes on the relationship becomes habit and the initial excitement has worn off. With no fireworks and no passion your feelings for each other fade. I am sure he loved you after so long, but the pain of continued conflict was more than he was willing to endure. He tried to leave, knowing that was best for both of you, but everything reminded him of you. He had some euphoric recall (remembering the good times and forgetting the bad ones) so he came running back, but then he remembered why he left. Eventually he did the best thing he knew to do, he left you alone. Time to move on.

  • Give him time... to come back


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